This isn’t anything new. You may remember the Slim Fast commercials with Tommy Lasorda. “Give us a week, we’ll take off the weight.”

The only problem with that is Tommy had way more than a week’s worth of extra weight hanging around.

And that’s the same problem with all of these other quick turnaround promises. Most of the time, you’ve got more than 8 weeks’ worth of extra weight.

We don’t become heavy overnight. We’re not going to get lean overnight either.

We’re always in a rush to get there because we now live in the Amazon Age of Instant Gratification. It’s not the 1980’s anymore. We want results now!

But sometimes, there simply aren’t any shortcuts.

If you were constructing a house, you wouldn’t start with the roof. You’d need to lay the foundation, and build up from there.

We aren’t dealing with homes here, though. Instead, we have an already-built body, and now we want to remove an excess of fat, while building up lean mass.

But how often do we ever look at it from this perspective? What do we say most of the time instead?

“Wow, I need to lose some weight!”

Weight. Right off the bat, we’re starting by addressing the wrong problem. Well, heck, if I were to amputate a leg, that’s good for at least 50 pounds right there, yeah?

Ah, so maybe we don’t just want to lose weight. In fact, maybe we don’t want to lose anything at all!

When we lose something, the implication is that it’s something that we would like to find again one day. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to find my missing fat pounds again at some future date.

So, if we don’t actually want to lose weight, what do we want to do? We want to release our fat pounds.

Yes! Release them; let them go! [Cue Elsa singing] We don’t want those fat pounds hanging around, and we certainly don’t want them back again!

Great! Now how do we do that?

We’re going to need a plan. The good news is that the plan is pretty simple: Eat healthy food and exercise.

Wait… Isn’t that exactly what the 8-Week Transformation is going to do? No, probably not.

First off, are they focused on food at all? Or are they just throwing a bunch of cardio at you?

Don’t get me wrong, we do need some form of cardio in our lives if we want to consider ourselves healthy. But if that’s all you’re doing, your efforts will be futile.

A focus on Resistance training is crucial. Resistance training builds muscle tissue, which is metabolically active. That means your muscle mass is always actively burning calories, even while you’re at rest (even while sleeping!)

Resistance Training also changes the internal biology of your cells themselves, adding more mitochondria and nuclei, giving you more available energy.

Is the program focused on mindset with a long-term approach to health? Or is it just a promise of a “quick fix?”

As we’ve discussed already, those quick fixes don’t last.

Are the people who are running the program interested in your ongoing health? Or are they only looking to make some fast cash off of you?

The program you choose should offer accountability and support. I’ve tried some “do it yourself at home” programs in the past. If you’re going to invest in a program, you want experts working with you. You shouldn’t have to go it alone.

Those experts are there to help keep you safe. If you take a person who’s been sitting on the couch for years and isn’t used to exercising outside of basic yardwork, and suddenly expect them to perform the workout routine of an Olympic wrestler 3 days a week for 8 weeks, how long do you think it will take before they become injured?

Experts take these things into account and plan a program that will ramp up the intensity. They will also ensure that the program is balanced, so you’re never overloading any particular areas of the body.

The “weight loss” industry is rife with people looking to profit from your misery; and those people are all too happy to take your money yet keep you miserable so you’ll keep paying them.

Should all of these “get back into health” 6-8 week programs be avoided? Of course not, but you’ll want to take a look at the program’s specifics.

If all of the advertising is promising you that you’re going to have a miraculous experience in transforming from being an out-of-shape, out-of-practice, eating machine, to a perfectly sculpted demi-god who is the envy of all their peers in only 8 weeks; avoid this program at all costs.

Those are all bright red flags indicating that the creators of the program are trying to manipulate you into joining it by promising you results in “just 8 weeks.” It’s very likely that they are only interested in taking your money and couldn’t care less about your success.

OK, so what does a good program look like then?

You want a program that’s going to define “healthy” for you. What does “healthy” even look like? What foods are healthy foods, and what aren’t? How do you make eating healthy foods palatable? What are healthy activities? What does “being healthy” even mean?

Are you going to become completely, totally healthy in 8 weeks? Probably not. And the program you join should be clear on that.

Your program should help to get you started, and it should be very much aware that the end of the 8 week program, isn’t the end for you. It’s just the beginning.

A good program will give you knowledge and training, and will inspire you to make permanent changes to your life that result in truly life-changing, long-term health.

It will give you the tools and the instructions you need to finally become that healthy individual you’ve been wanting to become for decades now. Not in 8 weeks, but slowly, over the course of many months, change will continue to come from deep inside of you as a result of having done this program.

That is what a good program looks like. Not an 8 week promise to fix all of your problems; but rather an 8 week, expert-designed and led, program to get you going, get you motivated, keep you safe, and get you to stick with it.

Because that’s really the critical piece: Consistency. You want to arm yourself with everything you need to be successful, and then start doing it. Consistently. Not merely for 8 weeks, but in perpetuity.

And that’s what a good program will give you: Things you can start doing now, and keep doing to keep building your health beyond a short 8 weeks.

And that’s exactly what you’ll get with the 8 week fitness Reboot program we’re partnering with Cultivus Fitness to deliver.

You’ll get all the nutrition information you need, access to me as a your Health Coach, instructor-led Yoga sessions and instructor-led workouts.

Reboot your:
👉Thinking » Develop a positive, can-do mindset
👉Habits » Create sustainable, healthy routines
👉Fitness » Achieve the strong, vibrant body you deserve

We like working with Cultivus because they offer no judgement, just support, which pairs well with our philosophy of working with what you have.

This is the program you’ve been waiting for.

Learn more here: https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=817987587180786&set=a.491199929859555

The post Don’t be in a Rush to Get There appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

With the same results each time: Lose a little bit of weight on the diet. Get tired of the diet because it’s impossible to maintain for whatever reason. Go back to “normal food” and slowly gain back the weight lost, plus a little bit to add more motivation next year.

It doesn’t really add motivation though, does it? It’s more like adjusting to the new normal and seeing how long it takes before new clothing becomes mandatory because the old clothes are too tight now.

And that’s the whole cycle. Get tired of being too heavy, go on a diet, lose a bit of weight, gain it all back, and try again next year. So many people experience this that there’s even a term for it.

Yo-yo dieting.

So-named because that’s what happens to the weight. It bobs up and down, slowly but steadily climbing a bit higher over the course of the year, until we decide to do something about it, then it drops, and begins to climb all over again.

I suppose we could also have called it “itsy-bitsy spider dieting,” as the spider seems as persistent as that yo-yo.

Regardless of what we call it though, living through it feels demoralizing.

Year after year, sometimes more than once per year, we put ourselves through this. Consistently trying to get onto the other side of the scale, where the numbers go down and stay down.

But they don’t. We watch the mirror in horror as our face swells to the point that we no longer see any family resemblance. We are now the generic “fat person” background character in someone else’s movie.

Why is getting healthy so hard? Why do we have to struggle like this?

Some people can’t take it any longer and resort to drastic medical measures, like having their stomachs stapled so they physically can’t eat as much food. And sometimes that doesn’t work either!

Can you imagine undergoing surgery in an effort to lose weight, and still have it fail?

Now the medical community is even armed with shots to help lose weight. These products are brand-new. Has there been a long-term study on their effects on the body? Will we be watching TV in 2036 and seeing ads for, “If you used MiracleDrug and are now experiencing symptoms of disintegrating liver [or some long list of other possible horrible ailments] YOU MAY BE ENTITLED TO COMPENSATION!” Time will tell.

Why does getting healthy have to be so darned hard?

What if it wasn’t? What if all you needed to do to become the healthy version of yourself is eat and move a bit?

That sounds like fantasy, doesn’t it? Yet for millions of people, it’s reality.

No, there’s no accompanying magic pill to take that makes all of your consumed calories disappear. Likewise, there’s no special food, instant meals, or shake packages. You can literally eat the foods you enjoy, move your body in whatever way you can, and watch the scale go in reverse.

Yes, you do need to move your body. Does that mean hours upon hours of standing-in-place cardio sessions? Nope.

I was skeptical too when I came across this method.

I thought the only way to lose weight and get into shape was to spend a lifetime at the gym, drinking kale smoothies, and eating bland, flavorless “health” food.

Yet I made pork tacos with Spanish Rice for dinner last night, and every Friday night is Pizza Night.

I’m also a chocoholic. I eat chocolate every single day, and I typically end each day with ice cream.

Yet I dropped from 240 down to 168 eating just like this.

Mind you, I didn’t stay at 168 for more than a month or so. People started telling me I was looking “too thin,” so I tweaked my plan a bit and popped up to 183, where I’ve been holding steady since 2020.

So, what do you need to do to make this work for yourself? To answer that, I created a whole year-long immersion program.

During that program, I go over the nine core competencies that everyone must master to live a full and healthy life. None of them are hard, but it’s likely that you’re not doing all nine in the right way at the moment.

I know I sure wasn’t! That’s why, even though I was working out like a madman at the gym, I wasn’t seeing the results I wanted on the scale, or on my body for that matter.

After making these small tweaks, though, everything changed. It really does feel like magic! It took me several decades to pack on all that weight, but once I really got into it, that fat just melted right off in months.

While learning the nine core competencies, I also help my clients to incorporate them into their lives, so that they really start living them and embodying them. After that, I celebrate with them each month as the scale begins to drop, they buy a new outfit in a smaller size, their clothes start to fit how they want them to fit, and they start to admire their own reflection again.

Will it work for you?

Let’s find out! Schedule a call with me to discuss your situation, and if you think it makes sense for us to work together, we will 😊 If not, no worries. I want to work with clients who want my help. Is that you? Click the link below:

Visit: https://www.eclecticwellbeing.com/Mark1-2-1

The post Why is Getting Healthy so Hard? appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

By Mark Szabo

Many of the thoughts we have, the decisions we make, come from a time in our childhood. A time of pain and trauma. I bet you still remember something from your childhood that brings a tinge of suffering and may have caused some unconscious decisions.

For me, childhood trauma dictated much of my early adulthood. My story is a journey of a scrawny kid that grew into a 240-pound overweight man, who spent years on the diet yoyo to only find the answers by facing my childhood trauma.

I didn’t have the greatest childhood.

Don’t get me wrong here; it wasn’t absolutely awful all the time, but it certainly had its moments.

I learned at an early age that personal value was directly proportional to athletic ability.

And I sucked at sports.

Of course, today I know that this isn’t true. There are plenty of people who are valued for things aside from sports. But when I was a kid, my father tried to teach me how to catch.

Maybe I was too young? I remember it like I’m 4-5, but I’m not too sure. I was his first son, and Dad had been an athlete when he was younger. He was eager to get me started.

Maybe he should have started with something softer than a baseball? My parents played tennis, so we had an infinite number of tennis balls lying around. But no. My dad was more of a Go-Big-or-Go-Home guy, so baseball it is!

I don’t know if it would have mattered though. My eyesight was horrible back then. I remember being at the eye doctor and all I could see was that big E at the top of the chart. Forget about any of the other letters. Even that big E was pretty fuzzy.

With vision like that, you probably remember the glasses I had to wear. This is the early 1970’s we’re talking about. You know, those thick black plastic frames with those coke-bottle lenses?

So I’m wearing those while my dad is trying to teach me to catch.

I didn’t understand it at the time, but those coke-bottle lenses have some serious refraction to them. Like, if you look through any lens on an angle, it bends the image a bit. With the size of those coke-bottles, things get skewed significantly.

I’m crouched down in the front yard, trying to catch my dad’s baseball, while looking though these crazy-thick glasses, and I can’t figure out where my hands should go.

I keep placing my hands where I think the ball is going to be, but each time it got close to me, it would rapidly shoot in any direction. I’d miss it, the ball would hit me, and my dad would get a bit more frustrated.

“Keep your eye on the ball!” he repeatedly shouted at me.

I tried. That last second little zip of the ball would get me every time.

Looking back on it now, I realize that the ball wasn’t really changing direction. It was the glasses skewing the image. But my little kid brain didn’t understand that.

The ball kept hitting me. My dad kept getting more and more frustrated. I started crying. He yelled at me.

“SO WHAT?! Balls are going to hit you!! SO WHAT?! You don’t CRY every time a Ball HITS you!”

At that point he realized that maybe a softer ball would have been better to start with, so he went and found a softball. It kept hitting me too.

“IT’S A SOFTBALL!! It’s SOFT for Christ’s sake!”

Finally he grabbed a tennis ball. When it too kept hitting me he screamed, “JESUS CHRIST it’s a F@$#ING TENNIS BALL!!” then started bouncing off his forehead to demonstrate it’s softness.

At this point I was crying more because my father was screaming at me. Then he had had enough. He told me to sit there and cry about it, and he stormed off into the house.

And that was pretty much it. He gave up on me and cast all of his athletic aspirations onto my younger brother.

So in my little kid mind, I concluded that to be valued, you have to be good at sports. And since I obviously sucked at sports, I must therefore have little value.

From that point until we got our first computer, my dad showed very little interest in me. I think he resented me. But when we got the computer (and I use the term loosely – it was a Commodore 64) he realized that I had some aptitude for the thing.

Then my young mind realized, “AH-HA! There’s ANOTHER WAY to be Valued!

You can either be good in sports -OR- computers!”

Now, obviously there are plenty of other ways to have value in this world, but I was 11-12 at the time. I was working with what I knew.

So I asked him to get me a modem. He responded with, “Who the hell are you going to use it with? You know it has to connect to another modem over the phone line to work, right?”

I convinced him to let me worry about that.

One War Dialer later and I was connected to every BBS I could dial without it being long-distance.

Ok, so to explain a War Dialer: It’s a computer program named after that one scene in War Games with Matthew Broderick where you see the computer dialing phone numbers in sequential order and logging which ones are answered by a modem.

BBS stands for Bulletin Board System. It was actually a lot like Facebook, except all text, no images, and only one person could connect to it at a time.

It was so much fun; I was running my own board within 6 months. I had found a small community of people who also found personal value through computers. Here I could be bold and outspoken.

But I couldn’t figure out how my computer skills would be useful in school, so there I still felt useless.

SCRAWNY BOY TO BIG MAN

Having low self-esteem in a Middle School environment went about how you’d expect it to go.

I got picked on and bullied daily. I hated school. Even the girls were mean to me.

High School was a little bit better. The guys had gotten over the fun of knocking my books out of my hands then kicking my papers up and down the hallway. Now they were into more psychological abuse. Calling me a fag was almost as popular as pointing out how scrawny I was.

My blood boiled, but I never fought back. I just stood there and took it. Over time I developed a very thick skin, but I still wanted it to stop.

I saw how no one ever messed with the big guys. So I decided I was going to be a big guy. If I were a big guy, then no one would mess with me!

My dad was a big guy, his brothers were too. In fact, my dad had been an amateur bodybuilder when he was younger.

I figured I probably had the genetics within me to get big, so I started hitting the weights.

It turns out, you need to be very clear when making decisions. My decision to get big said nothing about health. It also didn’t define what, “big” meant. My brain heard, “get bigger at all costs.”

I graduated High School in 1990 weighing in at 135. When 2000 rolled around, I had already hit 240.

I had put on a solid hundred plus pounds.

But there was way more fat than there was muscle.

I was tagged in a picture from back then and I couldn’t find myself in it. I was dead center. My face was so fat that I didn’t recognize myself.

I hated having my picture taken. When it couldn’t be avoided, I’d stand there trying to suck in my gut in an effort to look thinner. There are quite a few pics of me looking uncomfortable as a result.

I enjoyed tanning when I was younger, so naturally I liked to go shirtless at the pool. But then I started wearing my shirt in the water after a woman made the “ew, gross” face at me while I was talking to her.

I was embarrassed over how heavy I had gotten, and how quickly!

I already had low self-esteem.

Now I had to deal with obesity too!

I knew I had to do something, so I tried eating healthier. Back then, “healthier” meant low-fat everything.

The Doctors told us, “Fat, BAD!”

So I cut it out of everything. What they didn’t tell us is that fat is a flavor carrier, so no fat = no flavor. As a result, all of the low-or-no-fat products were cramming in more sugar to make up for it.

I did low-fat like that for a while, never seeing anything much less than 235 on the scale.

Other diet fads came and went. I’d lose a little then it back. Always fluctuating in the 230’s.

I kept repeating the same cycle: New diet, yay! Lost 5-10 pounds, yay! This diet sucks, boo! I can’t keep this up! >Quit diet< “I’m a failure!” Shame-eat back all the weight I had just lost.

That pattern continued at least once a year until I got into mindfulness. I picked up a book called, “How to Meditate. ”

I had heard good things about meditation, so I gave it a shot.

Up to then, I believed meditation was sitting there cross-legged with your fingers making OK signs on your knees while thinking about nothing.

It turns out, you really can’t not think.

The purpose of the brain is to have thoughts. Even thinking about not thinking is thinking. You can’t stop your brain from thinking.

But you can decide not to attach to the thoughts. Meditation is accepting that thoughts will occur, but letting them go and saving them for later.

It gives the mind time to relax.

Time to not think about all of the stuff that happened before now.

Time to not think about all of the things that will need to happen later.

Meditation is personal “me time.” Not anyone else’s time. It is exclusively my time.

Meditation is appreciation of the now.

The now that is right now.

The now in which the senses are processed.

You can’t experience the feeling of your heart beating in the past. You can only feel it in the now.

The now is the only thing we truly experience. Everything else is either a memory, or a fantasy.

The now is always now.

The previous words in this sentence are already then.

That’s how now the now is.

My mindfulness practice is the study of my Self.

Not myself, that wasn’t a typo.

I mean my personal Self. Not my parent’s expectations of me. Not anyone else’s expression of me.

My own personal me that is me. Truly me. What does it mean to be me? How does it feel to be me? Who is me? Who am I?

My practice is the study of the answers to those questions.

When I started on the path of exploring Self, it naturally led to the path of Self-Development. When we started doing Yoga, I finally broke into the 220’s.

Yoga was a natural for me. Performing Yoga postures is a form of moving meditation. Instead of allowing thoughts to come then float way, you turn your senses inward, feeling the posture throughout your whole body.

What I really love about Yoga is how my body feels after class. It feels like your body is thanking you. I feel good after going to the gym, but it doesn’t compare to a good Yoga class.

My weight bounced around the 220-point for a while there. It wasn’t until we got into personal coaching and I started to explore the basis for my beliefs that my weight really began to drop.

When I was finally able to break out of that loop of self-loathing, the weight started to slide right off.

It was like losing a layer of me that I no longer needed.

Without taking time to focus on my thoughts, I don’t think I would have broken the cycle. Our mind is a powerful tool. Our conscious and subconscious thoughts can either help or hinder us in whatever we set out to do. If those thoughts are negative and self-loathing, we will continue to hurt ourselves, reliving the pain and suffering of the past. It is not until we break that loop, and change our thought patterns, that we can begin to live in a state abundance.  A state of happiness and health.

This profound change in my life has led me to helping others work past their childhood traumas. To help those stuck on the diet yoyo. Lead them out of the suffering so that they too can have the life, health, and body they truly desire.

It all starts with the Self. Self-Care as my better half likes to call it! When we decide we are good enough to live the life we desire. We are not that child filled with hurt and pain. We are strong and when we use our mind to change our thought patterns, we start treating our body with respect and love.

If you have been struggling with weight gain, if you’ve been struggling to live the life you dream about, start with letting go of the negative self-talk. Recognize it when it starts and switch your awareness to your breath. Breathe deeply for 5 minutes. Guess what – you’re meditating! That was the start of my journey to health and happiness!

Want to learn a few more secrets of mine? Schedule a Well-Being 101 call with me and discover 3 simple secrets to move beyond the diet yoyo and get on with living a happy and healthy life of abundance!

The post Reliving Our “Wonder” Years? appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

Greetings from St Croix! We are on our first Destination Retreat as Eclectic Well-Being so what better topic for Eclectic Thoughts than Retreats!

I love traveling. But traveling is not the same as going on Retreat! Retreats are different. They are magical. Life-changing. They are Travel, but with a Purpose!

Retreats are much more than vacations. Although they include sightseeing, it’s not the only focus.

Many retreats include Yoga, but a retreat does not have to be centered around it.

I define a retreat as “intentionally withdrawing from everyday activities to a safe space in order to reflect on one’s Self and connect to one’s surroundings.”

Notice the capital Self. This is about our higher Being, the Self that is more than our thoughts and body. And I’ve added connecting to one’s surroundings because I cannot imagine a retreat where I didn’t explore the natural beauty of the world around me, including the local culture and food.

Retreats are something I have been doing my entire life and something I want to share with others! It’s why retreats are an integral part of Eclectic Well-Being.

Here’s a bit of history about my life and retreats.

Summer Camp

Summer camp as a child was a time for me to journal, try new things, and discover myself. Camp Tocanja  was my first sleep-away camp. It was a Girl Scout camp in Michigan about 3 hours away from home. That may be when my love for Michigan started.

The first year was a generic experience. We slept in raised tents and explored all the camp had to offer including hiking, swimming, boating, arts and I’m sure more

In my second year I landed up doing a primitive camping experience. We pitched our own tents, made food over a fire, and even made our own toilet. Of course, many of us waited until we went to the dining hall or for showers, but if you had to go, you had to go!

In the third year, I chose sailing. I loved the water, still do! When I look at photos of the lake now, man it was a small lake! But at the time, it felt huge! And I loved exploring it with my little Sunfish!

In middle school I went to leadership after being elected to student council. I learned so much about myself at this camp. We not only did the normal outdoor camp things, but we experimented with leadership. Learning to take charge of ourselves and lead our schools.

Why do I recall these summercamps as Retreats? Well, I withdrew from family and friends. They were both safe spaces. I  journaled, questioned my beliefs, expanded my thoughts, and explored life in ways I could never have done at home.

Vacations

As an adult, I prided myself on taking vacations. But not all vacations are retreats. Some vacations are active, like my honeymoon in 2002. We went scuba diving every day. Toured the island of St Croix. We tasted new food. But I didn’t withdraw and discover more about myself. I had tons of fun, but it was more an active vacation filled with doing, not being.

But then there are the vacations when we are exploring our likes and dislikes. We spend time with our thoughts. We may still be busy doing, but we also slow down and “chill.” We may read or journal. Maybe immerse ourselves in local culture and food.

Our trip in 2015 to Guatemala was a retreat. We stayed at Lake Atitlan, surrounded by Mayan Culture and far removed from civilization. We immersed ourselves in the culture, made local food and discovered their history. This was a retreat. I came home feeling more in touch with my true Self. I found deeper meaning in life.

Another example was a trip to St Anne Canada, near Quebec. Mark and I were having some marital issues and we used this trip to reconnect with each other. To let go of our daily responsibilities and explore our surroundings while also exploring our relationship. It was our own couple’s retreat. We came home feeling a renewed sense of commitment.

Yoga and Personal Development Retreats

The best part of owning a yoga studio was the opportunity to go on and host yoga retreats! Our good friend Katie, owner of Yoga Bohemia was my mentor when it came to hosting a retreat! If you know Katie, you know she is an expert on Retreats! She knows exactly how to create a safe space. How to encourage one to let go and explore not just their Yoga practice, but their surroundings. I recall my first retreat with Katie. It was just down the shore on LBI here in NJ, only an hour from home. But I felt I was away from everything.  This retreat was the start of my mindset journey.

Then there were Tony Robbins’ Retreats! We went to Florida and experienced Date with Destiny. And then to Amsterdam for Life and Wealth Mastery. At each event, I discovered more and more about myself. About who I am now and who I want to become.

Well-Being Retreats – Vacation with a Purpose

Over the last 18 months or so, Mark and I have better defined Eclectic Well-Being. It is more than health and mindset. It is truly about helping others live their best lives. Helping them consciously create a life and body they love.

Retreats are a part of that mission because retreats offer support and guidance in creating you. By providing a safe space to explore your Self. To define the life you want. The things  you want to do in the body you desire!

This week we are on our first Destination Well-Being Retreat. Our DREAM retreat to St Croix. This retreat is focused on helping our guests use proven mindset tools to make their dreams into reality. I’ve spent almost a year manifesting this retreat and  I’m looking forward to withdrawing from my daily activities, creating a safe space and seeing each of our guests explore there wishes and connect with the beauty of the island.

In August, we are planning a mini-retreat to the Poconos. Connecting with the mountains and rafting on the river. More than activity, we will take time to reflect and enjoy the healing aspects of our natural surroundings.

And in 2023, Greece is on the horizon.  May 29 through June 5 we will be in Amorogos Greece, with a few days before or after to spend in Athens. This retreat will focus on Yoga and Mindfulness, creating capacity in our lives to live more fully, while we also immerse ourselves in the culture of the Greek Islands. Official registration and announcement coming in our May Newsletter!

Why are we planning these retreats?

Because we believe retreats are life-changing! When we leave our responsibilities at home and we live each day utilizing our zest and connection, we create opportunities to become more of who we are meant to be.

“Travel, at its best, transforms us in ways that aren’t always apparent until we’re back home.” – Eric Weiner

If you want to discover a vacation with a purpose. To explore your desires and reconnect with your soul. Be sure to be part of our community and not miss any information!

The post A Retreat is a Journey Into One’s Self appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

Have you ever wanted to do something, but a voice in your head told you all the reasons why you couldn’t possibly do it?

For example, maybe you want to hike the Appalachian Trail!  It’s actually on my bucket list and has been for quite some time.  But then a  voice says, “you can’t hike more than 5 miles without your knees bothering you.”  And another voice tells you you’re too old.  Another voice chimes in, “And when do you have the time to take 3 months or more off of work to do that?”  And yet another says, “Yea, right, the first night sleeping in a tent and you’ll give up.”

That’s the Monkey Mind.

The Monkey Mind is the voices that go from one thing to another, usually reinforcing negative thoughts. Other monkeys may not be as negative, but they bop around from one thing to another, always wanting more and these monkeys are never satisfied.

Buddha described the human mind as being filled with drunken monkeys, jumping around, screeching, chattering, carrying on endlessly. Buddha said, “We all have monkey minds, with dozens of monkeys all clamoring for attention.”

If you’re a dog lover, think of it this way, when the monkey mind is active, your dog is taking you for a walk.  Leading you wherever he wants to go.  Taming the monkey – well that’s taking control and taking the dog for a walk.

A Hostile Universe

Einstein once said, “the most important decision you make is whether you live in a friendly Universe, or a hostile one.” If you decide you live in a hostile universe, you are going to have a lot of monkeys showing you every reason that is true. If you decide you live in a hostile universe, you find fault with everyone. You honestly believe the world is out to get you.  And the monkeys, will find you proof even if at first you don’t see it.

The Monkeys are that part of the mind that stops us from doing things either because it tells us we can’t, or it points out that someone else does it better or a host of other reasons.  It brings up fear and doubt in our selves. It reinforces our belief in a hostile universe.

But if you decide you live in a friendly universe, you find you have less monkeys.  You still have a monkey mind, but because you believe the universe is always working for you, there is a bit less chattering to deal with.

Worry and Overwhelm

The monkey mind really kicks in when we are feeling overwhelmed or worried.  For example, a number of years ago my knee was in pain like all the time due to a torn meniscus.  The doctor sent me to PT and said if that didn’t work I would need surgery.  Before I made it home my monkeys had already told me, “Just have the surgery.”

“You won’t keep up with the exercises.”

“Well there goes hiking the Appalachian trail or going to Machu Pichu.”

“You might as well face it, you’ll be needing a cane just like your mom in a few years.”

Yep, all those thoughts just on the drive home.

And then when Mark and I found ourselves on a somewhat challenging trail ( we kept losing the markers and it was quite rocky) in Acadia National Park, right at sunset, I freaked out!  My monkey mind went wild. “You’re never going to make it back.”

“We’re going to land up spending the night in the woods.”

OMG what were you thinking hiking with my bad knee!“

Have you been there? Have you let your monkey mind control your thoughts, make you crazy worried and thinking irrationally?  Those monkeys can put us right into Fight Flight or freeze! And then we land up doing nothing or reacting in a way that really does us no good.

So with all those monkey’s in our heads, how do we calm them, get them to slow down, because I haven’t found anyone that has completely gotten rid of them?

Mindfulness and Meditation

If you are thinking Meditation is this yogi thing of sitting in a cross-legged position and being all Zen, it’s not!  At least not my experience!

I see mediation and mindfulness as workouts for your brain.

You probably don’t think anything of being told to be in better physical health to get out and move your body more. You know, to work it out!  Maybe you need upper body strength, so your trainer or friend at the gym says do so pushups. Maybe you’re like me and need some core strength, so the PT has you do some crunches or planks.  We accept that to keep our bodies in shape or sometimes too keep the working, we have to do some physical workouts!

Why is it such a surprise that in order to strengthen our mindset, reduce the chatter of the monkey mind, we need to be more mindful and to meditate?

If you want better health, it starts with the right mindset.  If you want a better job, its starts with the right mindset. If you want better relationships, it starts with the right mindset.  There is nothing you desire that doesn’t start with your mindset!

But the right mindset means controlling those monkeys and not letting them control you!

If you have a meditation practice – Awesome!  Keep it up!

If you don’t, and those monkeys start their unwanted conversations in your head, how do you tame them?

Breathe

Notice the chatter and then just breathe.  This one simple technique is the foundation of a mediation and something I’m sure you’ve been told before.

“Take a breath.”

“Just breathe.”

“Count to 10 and breathe.”

When we can focus on our breath, we stop the chatter.  When we stop the chatter, we stop the monkey mind from controlling our thoughts.  We can then think clearly, more rationally, and we can become more in tune with our authentic self and our authentic thoughts!

Learn more about meditation and the different techniques by joining one of our 3 mindset classes.

Mind Work on Monday’s at 6pm with Amy. This is a 30-minute class designed to reset your thoughts through a variety of mind exercises.

Mind Rest on Wednesday’s at 7:30pm with yours truly! Based on the traditional practice of Yoga Nidra, this class helps to reduce anxiety, heal trauma, improve sleep and to fully relax, becoming more receptive to new thought patterns.

And finally end the week on Friday at 7pm with Rest and Renew with our own Marshmallow Queen, Julie! Here you take a pause with a Restorative Yoga class where you will rest and calm both the body and the mind!

If you are an Essentials Member or Coaching Client, these classes can be accessed live or recorded through or exclusive membership site.

Not a member?  Take a class on us! Or become an Essentials Member for just $27 a month!

Whether it’s with us, an app, or your own meditation practice, take control of your monkey mind!

Reduce the chatter!  And start consciously creating a life you love!

The post The Chattering Monkey Mind appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

By Mark Szabo

What would you say if I told you that you are responsible for everything that happens in your life? If you’re anything like I was, you might balk at that concept. But lately I’ve come to realize that this is 100% true.

I used to earnestly believe that life was purely random. There was no plan. No one had a purpose. Life happened to me. I had very little control. And you know what? When you live your life like there’s no plan, you become subject to other people’s plans.

And that’s basically what my life was. I had a decent job, but I wasn’t in control of my destiny. The company I worked for restructured, so I got laid off. I quickly found another job doing the same thing for someone else, he grew the client base to where the company was attractive for a larger company to purchase, they kept the clients and used their own team for management and let the rest of us go. I again found another job doing the same thing, that company grew too large too fast, the owners spent more time partying than running the business, so it imploded.

Don’t get sucked into a Drama Triangle

Nothing changed until I decided that I was in control. There was a plan. I do have a purpose. I create my own life. Anything that happens in my life, happens because I brought it to be.

Getting to that point has been a journey of self-discovery. Meditation and Yoga taught me to explore the Self, and I’ve been doing so ever since. I’ve developed a mindfulness practice that I’ve come to cherish. Another thing I like to do is to read books that expand my understanding. I’ve just finished Radical Responsibility, by Fleet Maull, PHD. (I’m presuming he’s no relation to Darth.) It definitely expanded my understanding.

My biggest takeaway from the book is using mindfulness to avoid getting trapped in a Drama Triangle, as defined by Stephen Karpman. Draw an equilateral triangle (that’s the one where all three side lengths and all three angles are equal all around, a perfect triangle) with one long side at the top and the two other sides coming to a point at the bottom. Then at the top-left corner label, “Persecutor”. At the top-right label, “Rescuer”. At the bottom point label, “Victim”. There you have Karpman’s Drama Triangle.

When any of us are stuck in a Drama Triangle, we can assume any of those roles (Persecutor, Rescuer, or Victim) and we often rotate through them. For example, when one parent berates their child, that parent would be the Persecutor, and the child would be the Victim. Then when the other parent scolds the first about denigrating their child, the second parent would be the Rescuer. But then the child might yell at Parent Two to not yell at Parent One, because the child thinks that Parent One only yells at the child because Parent Two is always yelling at Parent One. Then the child moves to the Rescuer position with relation to Parent One, and the Persecutor position with relation to Parent Two. As their drama unfolds, each of them continues shifting positions within the Drama Triangle.

Our Fight-Flight-or-Freeze System finds other ways to be “useful.”

You can have a Drama Triangle with as few as two people. (Although, if you’re anything like me, you likely have arguments with yourself in your head all the time.) Every time you’ve been in an argument, it’s likely that you were stuck in a Drama Triangle. Being stuck in a Drama Triangle keeps us from moving forward.

Have you ever noticed the emotions that come up when you’re in an argument? In the grand scheme of things, whatever it is you’re arguing about probably isn’t life-or-death, but it feels like it is. Do you know what I mean? That happens because our fight-flight-or-freeze system doesn’t get used as often as it used to, so it finds other ways to be “useful.”

Basically, our fight-flight-or-freeze system is an evolutionary adaptation that was particularly useful when we faced mortal danger on a fairly regular basis. I.e., when humanity was largely living as tribes of hunter-gatherers and there was always the threat of being eaten by a wild animal. The fight-flight-or-freeze system kept our ancestors alive. Over the eons though, things have gotten pretty easy. At least, they have for the vast majority of us who are fortunate enough to live in the developed world. Most of us are not concerned about a potential tiger hiding in the bushes.

That fight-flight-or-freeze system is why you feel such strong emotions when you get sucked into a Drama Triangle. The problem then becomes, once the fight-flight-or-freeze system is activated, we become disconnected from our ability for deep, rational thought. If you’ve ever blurted something out in an argument that you would never otherwise say out loud, this is why. Of course you didn’t mean to say that. You might not even really believe the thing you said. But, the part of the brain that becomes activated is the part that wants to fight, and to win a fight you must inflict more damage than your opponent. Unfortunately for us, verbal fighting usually devolves into insult-hurling, which leads to regret (and possibly strong consequences, depending upon with whom the argument took place) in the aftermath.

The solution? Avoid getting sucked into a Drama Triangle in the first place, and once you realize that you’re in one, get out as soon as possible.

Switch the Drama Triangle into an Empowerment Triangle

Avoiding the Drama Triangle in the first place is where mindfulness comes into play. Learn to recognize the feelings that arise when you become “triggered” by something that would ordinarily lead to a Drama Triangle. Acknowledge those feelings, breathe deeply for several cycles, maybe count slowly to 10 in your head. That pause between the trigger and your response is critical. It allows your calm, rational mind to remain in control. It helps to keep the fight response at bay.

Recognizing when you’re in one might come in a little flash of clarity when your rational mind snaps into place momentarily and you ask yourself, “what am I doing?” Or, “why am I doing this?” Should you find yourself in such a situation, listen to that voice, and stop the argument. You might want to have an escape phrase planned out so you don’t need to think about what to say. Maybe something along the lines of, “Wait. Stop. I don’t want to argue. I know I’m going to say something I don’t mean. Give me a moment.” If it helps to leave the room, then leave the room at that point. Collect yourself. Let your higher cognitive function return to your control, then have a rational discussion.

Radical Responsibility goes into much greater detail on how to have that rational discussion in a manner that benefits all parties by switching the Drama Triangle into an Empowerment Triangle with the roles of Co-creative Mind, Challenger, and Coach. If you’re interested in learning more, I highly recommend reading the book. You’ll thank yourself later ☺

The post Who’s Responsible? appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

If you follow me or Eclectic Well-Being, you know I believe that working out the mind is just as important as working out the body.  Yet many will schedule time to go to the gym, take a yoga or Pilates class, go for a run, but we don’t make time to work out our mind.  Why is that?

And why do we feel the need to keep it a secret if we seek therapy for our mental health, but we think nothing of letting people know we are in physical therapy? What’s up with that?

The Stigma of Mental Health

May is Mental Health Awareness Month and it was started in 1949, 72 years ago.  That’s a long time ago! One would think in 72 years mental health issues would no longer have any negative stigma and people would have a regular workout for their mind and ask for help whenever they needed.

But they don’t, and the stigma is still there.

One study found that 56% of respondents said they’d be uncomfortable talking to friends and family about their own mental health, and 84% say they’d be uncomfortable talking to their employer.

Why are we so ashamed to discuss the health of our mind?

One in five adults in the United States live with a mental illness.  In 2018 that was 47.6 million.  I’m sure with the pandemic that number has grown.  Yet so many of us still refuse to get help or take preventative action because of the stigma society continues to put on it.

But what is Mental Health anyway?

Is it being happy all the time? No,it’s not.  Happiness is state of being in the moment and it’s impossible to be purely happy 100% of the time.

Mental Health, in my opinion, is taking care of our mind, our thoughts, and our emotions so that we can live productive and engaging lives.

Physical Health is taking care of our bodies so that we can live longer and continue to do the things we enjoy doing. Mental Health should be no different.  And like our physical health, we can take preventative actions as well as seek help when problems arise.

Let’s first talk about preventative actions. 

Meditation

Meditation is a workout for the mind. It helps to create and reinforce positive neural pathways, keeping our thoughts healthy.

What are neural pathways?

These are connections from one part of the brain to another.  They send signals that then create thoughts and emotions.  These become grooves in our brain that help us process what we are experiencing.

In many ways, these are very good things.  For example, it allows us to remember how to ride a bike even if we haven’t been on one in years.  How to open a door.  How to tie our shoes.

But they can also reinforce negative thoughts. Such as an experience of a first husband staying out late and then find out he was having an affair, leading to believing the same about husband number 2 when he stays out late. We assume it’s the same thing, even though we have no evidence other than they are late, and our connection to that part of the brain, that memory.  This is one I suffered with at the beginning of my marriage to Mark.

Meditation keeps us in the present moment, aware but unattached.  This practice is self-directed neuroplasticity, changing our neural pathways.  Meditation creates space to see things as they really are.  To explore other possibilities and not jump to conclusions.

There are many forms of meditation and I promise you EVERYONE can meditate.  There is no right or wrong way.  Just like everyone can exercise, everyone can find some activity they enjoy and gives them a physical workout, there are also many ways one can meditate.  If you are interested in learning more about Meditation as a Workout for the Mind, checkout our Mind Training 101.

Gratitude

Practicing Gratitude has significant mental health benefits.  Studies have shown that when we acknowledge and are thankful for the positive things in our lives, we experience lower levels of stress and depression. We look at life through the lens of a glass half full rather than half empty.

These benefits aren’t just in the moment. They tend to last and improve our levels of happiness over time.  When we express gratitude, we also are more comfortable expressing concerns, allowing us to problem solve rather than hold in our frustrations, allowing them to build up.

So how can you increase your practice of gratitude?  Start and end each day with a moment of gratitude.  If that’s too much, jump start your gratitude habit by publicly showing gratitude on social media or writing a letter of gratitude to someone you are thankful for having in your life.  I jump start my gratitude every November in preparation for Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday, simply because there are no gifts, just family, food and gratitude.

Play

Yes, play can be a preventative mental health activity.   Play activates our creative brain. This helps us to imagine, to create new possibilities.

When we let our guard down, and simply spend time having fun for no reason, it helps stimulate new areas of the brain.  Areas that may be dormant when we are working or in serious thought.  Play actually helps us develop new cognitive skills that make us better problem solvers.  And in today’s world this is critical as we navigate the uncertainty of climate, the economy, disease and more.  (interested in Playing this summer?  Check out our Explore 😎 Laugh 😎 Play program.  It’s completely Free and a great way to reinforce a Growth Mindset!)

Support

We can do all of the above and more to ensure a healthy mind, but even with preventative steps we can find ourselves in need of support.  This is nothing to be ashamed of. Mental health issues are not the result of personal weakness.  Mental health issues, just like physical health issues, can happen to anyone. And when they do, nothing should stop us from seeking treatment.

Depression

Depression seems to be the most common mental health issue facing our society. We all feel depressed at one time in our lives or another.  For many, this feeling of hopelessness passes.  But for others it is a constant thought pattern with no surrender.  Those who suffer from depression have a persistent feeling of emptiness, loneliness, and despair.  These feelings linger on, even at times when on the outside the person may seem ok.

Depression can be brought on by life events such as Postpartum Depression and Seasonal Affective Disorder. Others we may not understand what brought it on.  But whatever the cause, when symptoms persist, we must ask for help.  If suicidal thoughts are present, help is crucial to find immediately.

Depression, just like many physical issues we are diagnosed with, can be treated with medication as well as therapy and sometimes both.  When we are diagnosed with a physical issue, we don’t think twice of going to doctor, getting some medication and perhaps a script for physical therapy.  Yet so many refuse, because of the stigma society has given mental health issues, to go for mental health therapy.

What can you do to promote Mental Healthiness?

We must change this stigma.  We must continue to educate and promote mental health care, just as we do for our physical health.

1. Take care of your mental health. Meditate. Practice gratitude. Make time for Play.
2. Seek help if you need it. Be empowered to seek help, don’t feel shame. If you would tell a friend you went to the doctor for digestive tract issues, why wouldn’t you share you went to the doctor for a mental health issue? You are taking care of yourself and there is no shame in that.
3. Educate yourself and know the facts
4. Choose your words carefully – never make light of someone who is suffering or seeking help
5. Offer support to those you see suffering

To learn more about mental health, please visit these websites. If we all take a stand, perhaps our children will no longer live with the stigma of caring for their Minds.

https://www.nami.org/Get-Involved/Awareness-Events/Mental-Health-Awareness-Month

https://www.mhanational.org/mental-health-month

https://www.mentalhealth.gov/

The post Why is there a Stigma Regarding Mental Health? appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

When I was looking for pictures to use in promoting my upcoming Mind Training 101 Series, I used the search words meditation and mindfulness, after all, Mind Training uses many forms of meditation and mindfulness.  Scrolling through Canva, all I could find were IG yogis, sitting upright in a cross-legged seat, in a beautiful setting either outdoors or with candles and with their hands in some sort of mudra.  Are these really the only images of meditation?  Is this what everyone thinks meditation must be?

I hope not, because that is not my meditation practice.

When Mark and I first got married, he started meditating to lessen his overwhelm with a ready-made family with two middle school age children. What prompted him to try meditation? Not sure. I just noticed one day him sitting on the couch with his eyes closed, a How to Meditate book at his side. Could meditation actually be practiced by simply sitting quietly in a chair?  I recall picking up the book and looking through it, but at the time I wasn’t interested.  Mark though continued his practice for a number of months, could be he never stopped, and I simply failed to notice.

I thought that was my first introduction to meditation, little did I know I actually practiced meditation as a child.  I was raised Catholic and learned to pray the rosary at an early age.  Praying the rosary is simply another form of meditation, a mantra meditation, but Catholics didn’t call it that.  They called it praying, saying the rosary.

Fast forward to 2014 when Mark and I began our yoga practice.  I didn’t really think of the beginning and end of class as meditation, but I now know that centering at the start of class and then lying still in savasana at the end, are simple quick meditations.  I started to like this, looking forward to every class just for those moments of solitude.

Soon after starting yoga, I took a restorative yoga class, and well that was pure bliss.  Lying in stillness, supported by props, and allowing myself to relax.  Again, sitting in stillness, just being aware of my body and surroundings, restorative yoga is another form of meditation.

And then… an instructor introduced me to Yoga Nidra and I was completely hooked!  Again, Yoga Nidra is just another form of meditation.  One with less work for the brain, and more relaxing in awareness.

But even in a yoga studio, my meditation never looked like this.

Or even this

This picture was actually far down in the search. And although it’s a bit more realistic, it’s still gives the impression that to meditate you must sit upright in a cross-legged position with your hands in some sort of gesture.  This can be intimidating for someone who is simply looking for meditation in order to slow down, reduce anxiety and calm their own nervous system.

Now I’m not saying there is anything wrong with sitting this way for meditation. Occasionally you may even find me using a mudra. (the hand gestures used by many when meditating – the one in the second picture is very commonly used during meditation and is called Jnana Mudra and is the gesture of consciousness) However, if I am completely honest, it is usually when I am trying to be “zen” or when I’m leading a practice at a yoga studio.

Please, don’t misunderstand me. There is nothing wrong with mudras or sitting upright in a cross-legged position.  I actually find the study of mudras very interesting, and I believe has benefits.  If it seems as if I’m making fun, I’m not. I simply believe it is not necessary and it concerns me that all these pictures can be turning many away who don’t see themselves as a yogi.  And all those people then are missing out on the benefits of meditation.

Mindfulness and meditation are proven tools to help in self-directed neuroplasticity, changing our thought patterns.  They can reduce stress, decrease depression, slow age-related cognitive decline, lower blood pressure and a host of other positive effects on the physical, emotional and mental health of humans.

Everyone knows and understands the benefits of exercise.  Most of us consciously try to ensure we get enough. Doctors prescribe it for our health. Heck many of us have a Fitband, Apple Watch or some other instrument to measure our daily activity.  But how many of us track our meditation? How many doctors prescribe or even recommend meditation?

Meditation is an umbrella term for many awareness techniques, just like exercise is an umbrella term for a host of fitness programs.  Yet our society still sees meditation as this yoga thing.  One that you must sit still, fully upright and with candles and soft music playing in the background.  But it doesn’t have to be that way.  Meditation can be walking alone, listening to all the sounds around you. Feeling each step on the soles of your feet.  Meditation can be eating a square of chocolate after mindfully using all our other senses to examine it, smell it and finally taste it.  Meditation can be lying on our back and noticing how our breath gently moves the body rhythmically. Meditation can be a call and response Kirtan session with others.

Meditation is many times lumped in with yoga, but you don’t need to join a yoga studio or practice asana (the physical aspect of yoga) to utilize meditation to improve your mindset, your mental health and your physical health.  You simply need to be aware. To be Mindful.

A few great resources if you are interested in mediation as a way to improve your mental and emotional health include:

• The Book Aware: The Science and Practice of Presence by Daniel J Siegel MD
• FitMind: Meditation Science and Training (a meditation app)
• Altered Traits by Daniel Goleman & Richard J. Davidson
• The Science of Well-Being through Cousera.com

And of course, there is Eclectic Well-Being’s upcoming Mind Training 101, a 4 week series. This is a Mind Training class that uses the ancient practice of meditation to give your mind a workout and help improve your levels of well-being.

If you aren’t meditating because you think you can’t, or you don’t see  yourself in any of the pictures that Google shows you as meditation, I challenge you to give it a try.  Download the FitMind App, read one of the books above, or just take my series!  Your mind deserves to have a workout routine just like your body, maybe more so.

The post Not My Meditation Practice appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.