For me, this shift has been personal lately. Just five days ago, Mark had surgery on his foot after stepping on a nail. Suddenly our routine changed. He’s depending on me more than usual, and as much as I love caring for him, it’s a reminder of how easily life can become overwhelming when we forget to care for ourselves too.

These past few days have taught me the importance of self-love and compassion—not just for him, but for me too. And maybe this is the perfect message for today, as autumn begins to invite us to turn inward and nurture ourselves.

The beauty of fall is that it naturally slows us down and gives us time to embrace autumnal renewal. While spring and summer are filled with outward movement, activity, and connection, autumn offers us a much-needed pause. It’s a time to reconnect with our own inner world, to rediscover what ignites our passion, and to tend to our own needs. Whether that’s emotional, physical, or spiritual. Time to Embrace Autumnal Renewal.

Your Self

As we transition into fall (even if the weather isn’t quite there yet), it’s the perfect opportunity to pause and reflect on how we’ve been caring for our Self. For me, the last five days of being in caregiver mode reminded me that if I don’t also tend to my own needs, burnout is inevitable. This is why I always advocate for me time—something I’ve been trying to carve out, even if it’s just for a moment here or there.

What does this look like for you? Perhaps it’s taking a walk outside. Enjoying the changing leaves (or the lingering warmth!). Or maybe it’s restarting a yoga or meditation practice that got lost in the busy days of summer. Autumn is your invitation to slow down and find balance.

The earlier sunsets and longer nights also offer a natural rhythm for rest. This is the perfect time to sleep in, go to bed early, or simply enjoy the quiet moments that come with the change of seasons. And if you’ve been putting off those health check-ups or self-care routines, use this shift as a reminder to prioritize yourself.

When we care for our Self, we’re not just filling our own cup—we’re actually making space to care for those we love, without feeling depleted. Trust me, both Mark and I could use a little extra self-love and compassion right now!

Your Soul

While caring for your Self is essential, your Soul also needs attention. Your Soul is your deeper purpose, your reason for being. For me, these past few days of caregiving have been a reminder of the importance of finding meaning in both the big and small moments.

Sometimes, we get so caught up in the day-to-day that we forget to connect with what lights us up inside. What’s your “why”? Why are you here, and what meaningful contribution do you want to make in the world?

Autumn offers a beautiful time to reflect on your purpose. If you’ve written a mission statement or have a guiding vision, this is the perfect moment to revisit it, reflect on how it aligns with your current life, and make adjustments if needed. If you don’t have one yet, consider using this season to explore what makes your Soul feel alive.

Your Dreams

Unlike the fast pace of summer, filled with activities and fleeting whims, autumn creates a natural pause. A chance to reflect on what it is we really desire—not the fleeting, impulsive dreams, but those rooted in our hearts. These are the dreams that bring lasting fulfillment because they come from our core.

This slowing down is a gift. It gives us the time to sift through our desires, releasing the ones that no longer serve us and holding onto those that ignite a fire within. Take a moment to ask yourself:

• What has been calling to me lately, something I may have pushed aside in the rush of daily life?
• What do I long to create or experience that feels aligned with my soul’s purpose?
• How can I use this time of seasonal transition to clarify my vision for the future?

Dreams rooted in passion are like seeds—fall offers the perfect time to plant those seeds in the rich soil of our intentions, knowing that they will grow, slowly but surely. This isn’t about hurried action or quick results. It’s about honoring your process and allowing space for your dreams to unfold naturally, just as the trees release their leaves to make way for new growth.

It’s also a time to trust that the dreams born in this reflective space are not just whims—they are your inner guidance calling you toward your highest potential. As the leaves fall and nature turns inward, use this season to give your dreams the space they need to evolve.

Time to Embrace Autumnal Renewal

In this season of renewal and reflection, I encourage you to reconnect with these three essential parts of yourself: Your Self, Your Soul, and Your Dreams. If the unpredictable weather and the demands of life are pulling you in different directions, remember that autumn gives you permission to slow down, to reflect, and to prioritize what truly matters.

As for me, between the warmth of the sun today and the cool nights ahead, I’m taking this time to care for myself too. If these last few days have taught me anything, it’s that self-compassion is just as important as the care we give to others.

Looking for ideas to get you started?

Here are some activities to help you embrace autumnal renewal and realign with your Self, your Soul, and your Dreams during this transformative season:

1. Forest Bathing or Mindful Nature Walks

Take advantage of the cooler temperatures and the stunning fall colors. Find a quiet trail or forest path and allow yourself to walk slowly, using all your senses to connect with the environment. Notice the changing leaves. The crispness in the air. The sounds of rustling branches. Use this time to reflect on your current state of being and where you want to focus your energy moving forward. Maybe come to Eclectic Sanctuary and lets Forest Bathe together. https://www.eclecticwellbeing.com/ForestBathing2022

2. Journaling by Candlelight

As the days get shorter and darkness arrives earlier, carve out time in the evenings for journaling by the soft glow of a candle. Write about your desires, your passions, and what dreams are surfacing for you. What have you always wanted to do but never made time for? How can you align your actions with those deeper desires this season?

3. Create a Vision Board for Autumn

While vision boards are often seen as a New Year’s activity, fall is a great time to revisit or create a vision board. This time, focus not just on goals, but on how you want to feel as you move through this season. What emotional states are you striving for? What qualities do you want to embody as you work toward your dreams?

4. Evening Fireside Reflection

If you have access to an outdoor space, light a small bonfire or gather around a fire pit. Use this time to meditate or simply reflect on what you need to release to make space for your dreams. Just as we let go of limiting beliefs at our fall retreats, you can write down anything holding you back and toss it into the fire, watching it dissolve and create space for something new.

5. Autumn Recipe Creation with Fresh Herbs

Engage in the grounding practice of cooking with seasonal ingredients and fresh herbs. As you prepare meals, reflect on the ways nourishment fuels both your body and your dreams. Consider how slowing down to enjoy the simple pleasures of food can also mirror slowing down to savor the journey toward your goals.

6. Yoga Nidra for Dream Clarity

Yoga Nidra is a guided meditation practice that helps access the subconscious mind. Try incorporating a Yoga Nidra session into your evening routine this fall to explore the dreams that are buried beneath the surface. This deeply relaxing practice can bring you clarity on your soul’s purpose and the next steps toward manifesting your dreams. You can schedule your own Yoga Nidra session with me simply by requesting a date and time. https://www.eclecticwellbeing.com/YogaNidraScheduler

7. Daily Gratitude Practice

Fall is a season of gratitude. Why not use this time to reflect daily on the blessings in your life? By practicing gratitude, you bring your focus to abundance rather than lack. This creates a fertile environment for your dreams to grow. Write down three things you’re grateful for every morning or evening, and watch how it shifts your mindset. And why not sign up for our annual Gratitude Challenge in November. This year we’ve culled it down to 10 days, but 10 days of deliberate action designed to embrace and embody living in gratitude.  https://www.eclecticwellbeing.com/GratitudeChallenge

8. Connecting with a Soul Community

Sometimes, the best way to nurture your dreams is to share them with others. Attend a fall retreat, join a mindful hike, or participate in a group meditation session. Being in a community of like-minded individuals can inspire new ideas and provide the support you need to stay connected to your passions.

Mind & Meditation: A Journey Within

As we embrace the slower rhythm of fall and the opportunity to align with our deepest desires, I invite you to take this journey further with our Mind & Meditation series this November. Over the course of four weeks, we will explore mindfulness and meditation. As well as, discover practices that help quiet the noise of the outside world. And reconnect you with your inner Self and your soul’s purpose.

Whether you are seeking clarity on your dreams, struggling with life’s transitions, or simply needing space to breathe, this series will offer you the tools to create inner peace, align with your passions, and manifest a life filled with joy.

To join me in person at Lake Michigan College, register through Eventbrite, https://www.eventbrite.com/e/the-mind-meditation-a-4-week-series-connecting-mindset-mindfulness-and-tickets-1004534017287

Or sign for our digital series and learn at your own pace at https://www.eclecticwellbeing.com/MindTraining2023

This fall, I encourage you to go inward. A time to Embrace Autumnal Renewal. Taking time to honor the aspects of your being that need attention—your Self, your Soul, and your Dreams. What will your autumn renewal look like?

The post Manifest Monday: Time to Embrace Autumnal Renewal appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

The Science of Manifesting

So, how did I arrive at the idea of manifesting as a science experiment? Well, today I received my weekly email from Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, one of my favorite books. In it, he shared a quote that resonated with me deeply: “Beliefs are theories. Actions are experiments. Emotions are feedback. Life is a science and its objective is growth.” This quote reframed how I think about life—an ongoing process of discovery, where the objective is not to get everything right but to test, learn, and adjust.

Manifesting works the same way. It’s about taking consistent steps toward our goals, refining as we go, and allowing feedback from our emotions to guide us. By thinking of life as a science experiment, we gain clarity on how manifesting truly works—and how we can use it to create a life we love.

Beliefs: The Foundation for Manifestation

Everything starts with our beliefs, which are essentially decisions we make based on our perspectives. However, as Manson points out, beliefs are not set in stone; they are theories we hold at a given time. Even the strongest of beliefs can be tested, refined, or even replaced as we gather new experiences.

Think of it this way: when we make a decision—whether it’s about a career change, a new relationship, or even how we perceive ourselves—we are putting that belief to the test. Some decisions will align with what we want, while others may lead to outcomes we hadn’t anticipated.

But here’s the key: decisions are not final answers. Instead, they are hypotheses, just like in a scientific experiment. When you decide on something, you’re essentially saying, I think this will bring me closer to what I want, and then you move forward to test that theory. Many of us hesitate to make decisions out of fear of making the wrong one. However, every decision, whether successful or not, is an opportunity to learn and grow.

Actions: Testing Our Theories

Once you’ve made a decision, the next step is to take action. This is where the real experimentation begins. Every action you take is a test, a way to see how your decision plays out in the real world.

For instance, if you decide to start a new project or take up a long-desired hobby, that decision alone isn’t enough to manifest your desired outcome. You need to follow it with action. Manifesting isn’t about sitting and hoping for things to change; it’s about taking steps to bring that change into reality. Even small, incremental actions, like attending a workshop or setting aside time for your goal, are crucial. James Clear’s Atomic Habits emphasizes how small, consistent actions can lead to significant outcomes, and it’s a perfect reminder that manifesting requires momentum.

Through these actions, you are testing your decisions. Some actions will feel aligned, bringing you closer to your goal, while others might not feel right. That’s part of the experiment! The key is to take those missteps in stride, viewing them as valuable feedback rather than failures.

Emotions: The Ultimate Feedback Loop

So, how do we know if we’re on the right path? That’s where emotions come in. In this scientific approach to life, emotions act as feedback systems, signaling whether our actions are leading us toward or away from our desired outcome.

Positive emotions—such as joy, excitement, and peace—are signs that you’re on track. These emotions confirm that your actions align with your true desires and that your decisions are working in your favor.

On the other hand, negative emotions are not bad; they are simply feedback, telling you that something might be off. Whether it’s stress, frustration, or disappointment, these emotions highlight areas that need reevaluation. For example, if you’ve taken on a new job and feel constantly drained, that’s your emotions signaling a need for reassessment. Maybe it’s the job itself, the work culture, or even the commute that’s causing this reaction.

Instead of avoiding or fearing negative emotions, use them as signals to pause and reflect. Ask yourself, Why am I feeling this way? and What adjustments can I make? This emotional feedback is crucial to the process of creating a life that feels authentic and fulfilling.

Growth: The Objective of Life

At the heart of manifesting is growth. It’s about continuously moving toward a life that aligns more closely with who we are and what we want. The process isn’t linear—there will be setbacks, challenges, and moments of doubt—but that’s all part of the experiment.

When you experience positive emotions, celebrate them as confirmation that you’re moving in the right direction. When you encounter negative emotions, embrace them as learning opportunities. They provide the insight necessary for making adjustments and course corrections along the way.

Remember, you are the scientist of your own life, and growth is the ultimate objective. Each belief, each action, and each emotion provides valuable data, guiding you toward a more fulfilling existence.

The Simple Formula for Creating a Life You Love

Ultimately, manifesting a life you love boils down to this simple formula:

1. Decide – Make decisions based on what you believe will bring you happiness and fulfillment. Don’t worry about getting it “right.” There is no single correct answer, only decisions that either bring you closer to your desires or steer you away. Every decision is an opportunity to learn.
2. Take Action – Once you’ve made a decision, take action. Even small steps are necessary to test how that decision plays out. This is where you begin to see if your beliefs are aligned with your reality. No action means no feedback, so movement is key.
3. Listen to Your Emotions – As you take action, notice how you feel. Positive emotions tell you that you’re moving in the right direction. Negative emotions signal areas that need adjustment. Both are essential for guiding your path.

Manifesting a life you love isn’t about achieving perfection; it’s about engaging in a continuous process of growth. By testing your beliefs, taking action, and listening to your emotions, you refine your path and get closer to living the life of your dreams.

In the end, life is a science experiment, and its objective is growth. To create the life you love, all you need to do is decide, act, and listen to your emotions.

by Kathi Szabo

The post What is the Science of Manifesting? appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

Have you ever let some small thing totally derail your day? This used to happen to me all the time when I would “try” to eat healthy. Like, when ordering breakfast, I’d absent-mindedly have grabbed, paid for, then consumed an entire chocolate chip muffin with my morning coffee.

It’s not the muffin that’s bad, it’s what happens after eating it. Guilt. Shame. Beating yourself up for being a “bad eater.” And then the absolute worst thing happens: “Well, now this whole day is shot. I might as well eat all of the stuff I know I’m not allowed to eat.”

It isn’t the all-or-nothing mindset. It’s believing that we must be 100% perfect all the time, or it means we’re bad.

No. Don’t do that to yourself.

Instead, make a game out of it.

See how many “good” meals you can get in a row before eating something “bad.”

When I started, it was 2 meals. Mainly because I was eating those chocolate chip muffins for breakfast every day. For lunch and dinner I did pretty good.

Once I decided to start making breakfast healthier, my “good” streak stretched to 5. Now I was eating the muffins every other day. Progress!

Over time, that streak got longer and longer. Now, I’ve stopped keeping track, but it’s probably around 30 healthy meals in a row before I have an ice cream sundae, or a candy bar, or heck, maybe even a chocolate chip muffin.

Thinking along these lines is a much healthier mindset to have.

We are not one meal; nor are we one day. We are the culmination of all the foods we’ve eaten over the course of months.

With that in mind, what do you want to become?

Will you be made from fresh fruits and vegetables, lean cuts of meat, legumes, mushrooms, and other whole foods? Or will it be from whatever the ingredients are in the factory processed entrees waiting in the freezer?

I decided to live on the healthy side. How about you?

Bear in mind, it wasn’t an overnight shift. I was living on freezer goodies for years. Burritos, supreme pizzas, taquitos, chicken wings, were all lunch staples. If I ran out for lunch, it was a double quarter pounder with cheese, large fries and a chocolate shake. Or maybe a Mexican pizza, two tacos supreme, and a chicken burrito supreme, with a large Baja Blast Mountain Dew. Quite frequently it was also the Chinese Buffett.

Every time I tried to 180° my diet into health, I failed miserably.

I thought I was the problem. What else could it have been?

Turns out, it’s basic human psychology. Our brains don’t like too much change all at once.

“Don’t like,” is probably too soft a term here. It’s more like “everything is crazy! Which way is up? How do I get out of here?”

And that’s exactly what happens. The brain feels like it’s been thrown into chaos, and the subconscious mind takes over.

You can’t fight the subconscious mind.

The subconscious mind will always drive you to do the things you’ve told it you want to do. And in this case, the drive is back to “normality.”

At my most unhealthy state, I was eating all of the unhealthy things I mentioned above, while snacking on chips with sour cream-based dip, and washing it down with soda, beer, or coffee, depending on time of day.

And I had the bloodwork to show for it! I was still in my 30’s when my doctor put me on blood pressure and cholesterol meds.

My first wake-up call was when my cousin Marty passed away from a sudden heart attack at 42.

Then Mom’s reaction was, “oh, the 40-year curse got him.” To which I immediately retorted, “the 40-year what now?”

As it happened, the men on my mother’s side of the family had a history of dropping dead from sudden heart attacks in their early 40’s(!)

One of the other things these men all had in common?

Horrible eating habits. Just like me.

Now I was at a point where I knew I needed to change, because not changing was likely to kill me. I was already on meds. My triglycerides were off the charts. (Seriously, the chart ended at 500 and mine were in the 800’s!) My cholesterol numbers were upside-down. My arteries were probably already starting to harden and choke off.

But every time I tried to get healthy, I failed right back to where I started.

What I wound up doing, just happened to be the correct thing to do. I decided to start small.

I switched to black coffee, then I stopped drinking soda. That’s at least two meals every day where I wasn’t drinking empty calories.

Holy cow, did that make a difference!

I went from 240 down to 220 in what seemed to be an instant, but in reality was several months.

My face started to look more like a face again, instead of the generic roundness I had become accustomed to. My 38 pants that I had been debating about taking up to 40’s were now more comfortable to wear.

That little change alone went a long way, but it wasn’t enough to get me down under 220.

I tried to weightlift my way into health, thinking I would burn off all of the extra calories I didn’t need. In this, I became stronger; but the scale didn’t seem to want to budge.

I cut way back on those frozen entrees I had been eating for lunch and got into the 205 range.

It wasn’t until I got serious and studied the nutritional principles that I now coach that I was able to get properly lean.

None of it is hard! In fact, I like to tell my clients that I help them fail their way to success.

Would you like to have a conversation with me to see if I might be able to help you?

This link will let you look at my calendar to see if there’s any time where our schedules align. If there is, go ahead and book the Can I Help You Call 😊 I’ll take it from there.

https://www.eclecticwellbeing.com/Mark1-2-1

The post Game Your Way Into Health appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

A number of years ago I stopped making New Year’s Resolutions or even Intentions. I simply decided to choose a word and apply that to my life for the year. Choosing the word is done somewhat randomly each year. In 2020, I was at a NY meditation practice and the word Zest was spoken.  I had been thinking about that word as it’s also one of the 24 VIA Character Strengths and one that I did not use often enough. I decided that word showing up was a sign for it to be my word for the year. Imagine, focusing on Zest in my life in 2020. The Universe gave me a challenge and I obliged.

Trust the Universe

In 2021, Mark and I were in the midst of bankruptcy and legal issues regarding the closing of our Yoga studio. I wanted it all to be over and just move on, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen. I had to trust the process. Lawsuits and bankruptcy take time, and patience was needed.

We had also just launched Eclectic Well-Being and were venturing into the unknown of not just owning our coaching business but creating it together. We had owned the Yoga studio together, but being a franchise, we were more like operators. Eclectic Well-Being was our creation. We were doing it together! I had to trust that we could do this and more: work together, play together, create together, make a living together and keep our marriage strong. Trust was the obvious word for 2021.

Learning to Surrender

A few months before New Year’s 2022, I made a decision to move to Michigan and open a small retreat center. A place that guests could come to relax, as well as be coached or practice Yoga or meditation or forest bathing. When I first told Mark of this decision, he was not interested. I loved him, but I knew in my heart I needed to create this space. I put it out there and kept talking about it, trusting he would come around. And finally, during a mindset retreat in Costa Rica, he did! Trust was working.

Then we announced our move to Michigan to our kids, and my daughter, was not happy to say the least. It felt as if I would break her heart leaving her home in New Jersey. I started having second thoughts. Unsure if my decision was the right one.

As I was working on my vision board, the word Surrender jumped off the page of a magazine and I somehow, I just knew, that was my word!

It showed up time and time again.

Looking at properties up and down the east coast, but always something just not quite right, surrendering that one will come along. Finding the right one on a gut feeling, in Michigan, just when I was about to give up! Selling our house soon after finding Eclectic Sanctuary. My daughter coming around and seeing the beauty and synchronicity in the property now called Eclectic Sanctuary.

Surrendering when we were dragged back into legal issues I had no control over.

Surrender even showed up at our annual Mindset Retreat!

The word was everywhere! What a year! But I am finally able to let go of the things I cannot change and Surrender that the Universe always has my back.

Signs are Everywhere

In December I started thinking about what word would be my word for this new year. A year once again filled with changes. Living in Michigan. Getting Eclectic Sanctuary up and running. Navigating life without my New Jersey Tribe, but reconnecting with friends and family back in the Midwest.

I haven’t been reading much and one evening decided to find a book I could read at my leisure. No self-help book, but something inspiring. Opening up an unpacked box of books, Becoming by Michelle Obama was on top. Hana, my daughter recommended it years ago. I bought it and it sat on my bookshelf until being packed for the move to Michigan. Why not? It seemed to be calling to me.

In the preface, Michelle talks about her aspirations and how they have changed throughout her life. How we ask children, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” and expect an answer to this pointless question “As if growing up is finite,” Michelles states. “As if at some point you become something and that’s the end.”

These words connected with me. Afterall, I’ve been reinventing myself my entire life. I am always becoming.

Then, a day or two later, I began researching quotes about failure for my digital 7 Day MindShift Course and found this one from Fredrick Lenz.

“There is no such thing as completion. These are only stages in an endless progression. There are no final outcomes or decisions, since nothing ever stays the same.”

We are always Becoming.

I knew then that no matter how unoriginal it seems to use Michelle Obama’s book title, my word for 2023 had to be Becoming.

This year, and every year, I am Becoming. I have never grown up. I continue to become who I am meant to be.

My life has no destination other than death, and I am no hurry to get there.

Rather my life is a journey of endless progression. An endless process of Becoming.

This year I am becoming an owner of Eclectic Sanctuary. I am becoming an herb farmer. I will become a caretaker for a flock of chickens in the spring. Mark is becoming a ________ ­­­­­(it’s still a secret, but hopefully soon we can share!).

I am becoming stronger. Becoming more patient. I’m becoming calmer. And becoming more compassionate.

I am becoming more of who I am meant to be!

Who are you Becoming this year?

What word will guide you in 2023?

Discover more about Eclectic Well-Being and Eclectic Sanctuary by following us on Social Media and signing up for our monthly newsletter.

Watch as I continue to Become.

The post Life is an Endless Progression of BECOMING. appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

Every year I choose a word to help me make some lasting changes in my life. In 2020 the word was Zest. Zest is one of 24 Character Strengths. Defined as approaching life feeling activated and enthusiastic. Imagine that has my focus for 2020! (you have to admit the Universe knew what it was doing) It was one of my lesser strengths on my VIA Character Strength Profile. I wanted this strength to become one of my more used strengths so I intentionally made it my word for the year. And guess what? It actually moved up the scale.

Last year my word was Trust. We had filed bankruptcy on our business rather than stay connected to a franchise we no longer felt aligned with. Eclectic Well-Being was created and trusting things would all work out was at the core of moving forward. I had to trust in myself. Trust in Mark. And Trust in the process.

Trust also allowed me to let go of trying to fix things for others, particularly those closest to me. If I loved them and believed in them, I had to trust them instead of fixing them. It has changed the way I look at so many things.

This year my word is Surrender, which is similar to trust, but it’s more than trusting. It’s adding on giving up control. It’s trusting, but instead of worrying, thinking about it, or constantly taking action upon action, (my favorite way to maintain trust) it’s letting go and truly believing that whatever happens, it is part of a divine plan.

What is Surrender?

Dictionary.com defines surrender as “to yield (something) to the possession or power of another; deliver up possession of on demand or under duress.” It also defines it as, “to give (oneself) up to some influence, course, emotion, etc.”

My definition is a bit of both. I see surrender as yielding control to the Universe, but not under duress, I am giving my control willing.

It’s been tough for me embodying this word, surrender. Yielding control is not easy for me. Surrender is so much more than trust. I must admit, I have not been embracing the word as much as I could be.

My Futile Attempts to Surrender

Last month we journeyed to Cabo San Lucas for a Business Retreat. It was part of the coaching program we belong to and it’s been 3 years since we were together in person for this event. I must admit, I wasn’t excited. I had so much to do. Properties to see. Did I really need to be gone for 5 days?

But we went. I intentionally booked later morning flights as I am getting to old to get up in the middle of the night to catch a 6 a.m. flight. But that later flight meant we had a tighter connection. And low and behold, our flight was late. A good 30 minutes behind departure and with less than an hour layover, I surrendered to the fact we were not going to make our connection. But letting go of control? Nope. There I was on my phone, seeing when the next flight from DFW to Cabo departed. Taking action, again, instead of simply surrendering.

There was a later flight, about 4 hours later, but at least we would still get there the same day. Ok, now I could surrender.

However, the Universe was not only able to get us to DFW on time, and with no difficulty, at all, we actually made our original connection. Wow! How did that happen?

I didn’t make it happen. I had no control over the situation. Yet, our trip progressed exactly as it was meant to and my action in figuring out when the next flight we could possible take was futile.

12 steps

So here we are in Cabo, and I’m starting to actually enjoy and feel excited and engaged in the setting, the people, and the discussions. I’m learning and noticing what we could utilize in growing our business. And then, a topic never presented before comes up, the 12-step program.

Wait, I’m at a business retreat, not an addiction recovery retreat. How does this relate to my business?

Intrigued with this subject, I listen inently. I know about the 12 steps, but I have no idea what the 12 steps are except, don’t they revolve around surrendering? We’re given an exercise  to identify our greatest accomplishment and the things we’re most grateful for. Then work backward, identifying all the things that had to happen in order for that to happen. Notice then, how much of that was not in our control.

I work the process, the exercise. I utilized a couple of different things and all came back to a situation or event that I had no control over. And if I take that back even further, I get to me being born, which again, I had no control over.

But What About Free Will

I leave the session feeling a bit confused and also I admit, defeated. If I have no control, and that the Universe (God if you prefer), is fully in control, what is my purpose? Don’t I have “free-will?” Don’t the choices I make do anything?

I was filled with questions. A part of me felt really good. Letting go of control means you also let go of failures. Accepting that was is happening is exactly what is supposed to be happening.

Yet, if I’m here for a reason, I have a purpose to serve, then don’t I have some control? Oh how my mind was moving in numerous directions.

Now you may be wondering why the 12-step program was even brought up at a business retreat. Well 12 steps are about addiction and the way we think, and our thought patterns can also be an addiction. We can be addicted to worry. To overthinking. To negative self-talk.  That made complete sense to me and I was intrigued as to how to apply this new learning to Eclectic and all my dreams for a sanctuary.

However, I was struggling with this idea as well. The conflict in my mind of Surrendering and Free Will.

Getting to the Root of It

The next day we started like usual with David, the leader of the retreat, taking questions from the floor. I raised my hand. Not even sure what my question was, but I knew I needed more discussion on the previous day’s topic, surrender.  I don’t raise my had often and many times by the time I do, David has already determined who to call on. But this time, my hand was up and just like that, I was asking David for his opinion or thoughts on if the Universe is in control and I if need to just surrender, where is my free-will? How can both be true? What about all the talk of making powerful decisions – David’s Key Phrase.

When you ask David a question, he does not just answer it. He asks questions right back at you, allowing you to process and eventually answer the question yourself. It’s what coaches do and what I try to do for my clients. I knew that was going to be the scenario, but it’s difficult to ask yourself the right questions. That’s why even though Mark and I are coaches, we also have a coach.

I don’t remember what he asked me, but we went back and forth for quite a while. We talked about how Mark surrenders more easily. What am I addicted to, which it wasn’t until this discussion that I realized it’s control. I shared that surrender is my word for this year and how this seemed so serendipitous. But I wasn’t quite understanding still, even with all this discussion.

And then it hit me.

Like a rock. I’m not sure if he said something or it just clicked in my brain. But I realized I had recently learned to surrender in my relationships. Trusting others to make the right decisions, yet, still being there for them. Still supporting them and taking action. But I surrender to the outcome, knowing I don’t have control of their lives. I am no longer tied to the outcome, but I am still invested in their well-being.

This is what is missing in my business. I still need that control. I need to feel that if I do something different, something more, I can get the outcome I want. In reality, I simply need to decide what it is I want to accomplish, what I want to do, and DO IT. Doing is still critical, as nothing will happen without action. Then after taking the action, I must let go of controlling the outcome. I must surrender. Trust first, but then completely let go of that control. Surrender to the fact that a higher power will either show me this is the right path, or guess what, maybe there is another.

Letting go of control does not mean not taking action. Not moving toward our desires. It’s the acceptance that once we make a decision, once we take action, we surrender that the outcome is out of our hands. We accept whatever comes from the decisions we make and we learn from it, or redirect ourselves to another path. But no matter the outcome, there are no failures. And we are not in control.

Still Processing

I’m still processing all of this as it’s difficult to surrender control. To let go of the belief that I have all the power.

Whether it’s business, relationships, or our own emotions, surrendering to a power greater than ourselves, actually releases us from the thought that we fail or we succeed. We don’t do either. We keep moving forward, working in unison with the energy around us, with the greater plan that we are only a small part of.

But what we bring to the greater plan is something only we can bring. Only we can do. We are all here for a reason. We all have a role in the greater plan.

I’m focused even more so now on surrendering. Releasing the idea that I have control. Accepting that I am a significant part of a greater plan, but that I do not control that plan.

If you are addicted to control like me, try doing the exercise I mentioned above. Notice how it all comes back to events where you were not in control.

And if you want to practice surrender, come  play with me this month! Sign up for Explore Laugh Play! A 30 Day Challenge to let go of stress which includes letting go of control and surrendering each day!

The post Surrender appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

Last week Mark wrote about our quest to find the perfect spot for our Eclectic Sanctuary and perhaps grow some culinary herbs. We thought we found the spot, but after further insight, further introspection, we realized those 3 massive barns were not it. No matter how much we wanted it to be, the house just didn’t work for our lifestyle.

We almost put in an offer.

We almost got so wrapped up in the new “shiny object” that we forgot what is most important.

See the barns were amazing. The whole property was amazing! The idea of US owning them and making it into this herb farm where folks could come get fresh herbs and maybe even take a cooking class was drawing us in.

There was plenty of space for farming. The barns could be repurposed for drying out herbs. We had space to construct some greenhouses. The kitchen was most certainly large enough to host a class.

Square Peg – Round Hole

So, what was most important, where living in this home would have been much like trying to get a square peg in a round hole?

Ultimately it was the importance of entertaining friends and family.

Mark and I do not host big parties or have gatherings every week. But when we do have friends and family over, we like to hang out in an area that is comforting, brings nature inside, and where we can cook and still be part of the conversation.

On Thanksgiving, we ultimately enjoy preparing dinner together while also partaking in all the conversations with family because our kitchen is open to a space where everyone gathers.

No matter how hard we tried to make this house meet our desires and become our home, allowing us to enjoy living in it, it just didn’t fit.

And we tried.  I sketched out numerous plans and ideas, but there was just no way to connect the beautiful entertaining room to the kitchen and no way to have a bright airy bedroom and not take away from public space.

So here we are, back to step one.

We could have saved much time and energy had we had more clarity on what is most important to us.

See, we set out with an idea. A rough framework. We gave a guide to our realtor. It was pretty specific, but it didn’t express what was most important.

One must be perfectly clear about what brings them joy if they are to find joy.

Mark and I were looking at all the opportunities that had come into mind since starting this journey: Farm Stay, Herbs, Chickens, and being close to the Delaware River towns.

When we started this quest, it was all about having a few guestrooms and then space to host Wellness Retreats.  I intentionally wasn’t clear about specifics because I thought there could be numerous ways to make this work.

But ultimately, my goal was and is to be financially self-sustainable and also live a life I love. Every single day!

I realize now these two things are what is truly important to me. My true desire is not having a small retreat center. My true desire is to create a life I love where I am financially self-sustainable.

So when this opportunity of a farm came into view, and it had a pool where I could host Aqua Yoga classes, it seemed we found IT! We found the property where we could manifest our dreams.

What I wasn’t clear about, was my personal life needs and desires. How I want to live when not working.

So last week after our second trip up there, I started drawing new plans. Researching other possibilities. But nothing worked. I was ready to just make an offer and figure it out later. There had to be a way, right? How could we let this opportunity pass us by?

And then it hit me.

Listen to Your Heart

I sat quietly and listened to my heart. I listened to my desires of how I wanted to wake up in the morning with the sun shining in through my windows.

How I want to continue to have family over for Thanksgiving and be able to congregate in a shared space of nature and food as well as be accessible to everyone in my family, something that would not be the case in this house.

How I wanted to relax in the evening. Spending time noticing the sun set while maybe turning on the TV for a show or two.

And my heart was sad.

No matter how we remodeled or changed the flow of the house, it was not conducive to our way of living.

And it was not really helping me get to being financially self-sustainable.

Making all these changes was going to be expensive. At least $100K to $200K. Using up a lot of funds that could be better purposed toward financial sustainability.

And my heart wouldn’t be happy?

And what about money to start the farm? Buy a tractor, seeds, a greenhouse?

I put away the sketches and plans for the house and sat down and wrote what was most important to me in living my life. Mark was out shooting pool, so I had plenty of time to think alone.

Integrating Our Desires

The next morning, I asked Mark to make a list of what is most important to him. How he sees us living our lives say 5 years from now.  I didn’t share my list at this point as I didn’t want to influence his desires.

His list was a bit different. But there was some overlap.

But the overlap is not our combined vision. It is the totality of both visions that is our combined vision.

I cannot ignore Mark’s desire for land just as he can’t ignore my desire for still wanting to teach at FIT. That would be sacrificing our own individual desires and would probably leave one of us feeling a bit unsatisfied.

Our list is longer now. It may be harder to find that perfect property.

BUT MAYBE NOT.

See now we have an easy way to say yes or no. We go to our list. How many boxes does it check off? We now have complete clarity of what we are looking for. Will there be adjustments and compromises? Sure. But knowing what is most important, makes the decision-making process much simpler.

Today we are headed out again to look at some areas and properties: 2 open houses and a few drive-bys. We will see what the universe decides to show us now that we have clarity on what’s most important.

The post What’s Most Important appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

Are you one of the many who complain you never have enough time?

You’ll read that book when you have more time.

Getting together with an old friend will happen when you have more time.

You’ll start a side hustle when you have more time.

That massage will get scheduled when you have more time.

Yet, we know, we never get more time. There are 24 hours in a day or a total of 1,440 minutes. A week has  7 days. There never will be 8, 7 is all you get. There are 365 days in a year and occasionally 366, but never more than that!

Time is constant. It is not changing. Yet we continue to complain, not get things done, and wait till we have more time.

You may have heard me talk about Stress, and that Stress, as a mathematical equation simply is all our pressures less our capacity. But Capacity is Not Time. But many of us have high levels of stress because we believe there is NOT ENOUGH TIME.

Well, let me tell you…

There is always enough time.

But many of us tend to do this one thing that sucks our time away, again and again.

Now you may be thinking it’s scrolling on social media. It’s not.

Think it’s watching too much TV. It’s not.

If you’ve ever been in meetings with no agenda or leadership, you may think that’s it. But no, it isn’t.

Got kids? You may be thinking it’s all their activities – but hey, that is definitely not a waste of time!  That’s just being a parent.

So what is this one thing that hijacks all our time?

Worry! Allowing our mind to spend its energy focused on concern without taking any action.

It’s that last part that makes it a time-waster! Without action, we’re just spending our energy without solving the issue. We’re stuck in a primal state of no action. When we are worrying, we are engaging the sympathetic nervous system. We’re in freeze mode. Doing nothing but thinking of our problems.

It’s even worse when we worry about potential problems. Things that haven’t even happened yet.

Why do we worry?

Think about it for a minute, why do you worry?

Worry is not the same as problem-solving. Problem-solving is a good use of our time. But problem-solving is a powerful use of our brain. We are focused not on the distress of the problem, but on solutions. When we are problem-solving, we are looking at what action to take.

When we are worried we are questioning. Why did this happen? What if things get worse? What-if’ing everything.

Now if we can use what-if to define solutions, basically using WOOP, a method psychologist Gabriele Oettingen created to help create solutions for obstacles that most likely will present themselves before they do. Creating solutions is not worrying.  That again, is problem-solving, a good thing.

It’s a fine line between worry and WOOPing!

So why do we worry, meaning why do we obsess about a problem but take no action, don’t try to problem-solve, just incessantly think about it?

I don’t have the answer. It makes no sense. Yet we all do it.

I found myself doing a lot of it this past week. And even though I know it was not helping me in the least little bit, I decided to observe it.

What did I notice?

Worrying used up all my time and energy.

Now I didn’t sit and worry,  I did things. I cleaned. Scrolled through social media. I watched the news. I even tried to tell myself that researching herbs and farms was not worrying. And maybe it wasn’t. But it was all distractions as my mind kept coming back to worry.

Worry, my mind distracted by thoughts of fear or indecision, stopped me from achieving the simple tasks I set out to do. These persistent worrying thoughts held me back from achieving what I intended to do for the day.

Why? Because I was in a primal state. Instead of engaging the parasympathetic nervous system, I spent most of my time in the sympathetic, Fight, Flight, Freeze. I was not thriving, I was barely surviving. When we are in a primal state, which is whenever we are engaged in the sympathetic nervous system, we do not make good use of our time. Our energy is sucked right out of us.

Worry is the same as FREEZE. Worry keeps us from moving forward.

1. Thinking something will magically change, we freeze without finding solutions.
2. When we feel overwhelmed we freeze without making a decision or taking action.
3. We Freeze because maybe it’s not our problem to solve.

Let’s look at #3 first.

Worrying about someone else’s problems

We all have people we love that we want to help when they have problems or are feeling down or depressed. It’s difficult to not worry about them. But ask yourself, is worrying helping them?  Instead of worry, do something. Call them. Be a sounding board. If they ask for specific assistance, do it. Yes, help them as much as you can. But when you begin to do down the road of worry, notice it. Think, “Is there anything I can do that will help them?” If not, accept that because you refuse to worry about them does not mean you don’t care. Let them know you are there to listen, to help them take action, but if there is nothing you can do, let go.

This is where the Serenity Prayer comes in.

“God, grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

When we know the difference, we can let go. If we are mindful of the fact that we cannot change anything, we can see that worry does nothing. It solves nothing.

Letting go, not worrying, does not mean that we don’t care about our loved ones. It does not mean that we won’t take action if we can. It simply means we are not helping them and we are not helping ourselves when we sit and worry.

Let’s move to #2

Worrying without taking action

This kind of worry is where we pretend we are problem-solving, but in reality, it’s just another form of worry.

This is where we WANT to solve the problem at hand, but, going back to the serenity prayer, we don’t always have the courage to take action.

We research and analyze all potential solutions, yet we just keep on doing that, refusing to make a decision and take action.

We are locked in FREEZE mode. No action just worry. Thinking of all the what-ifs, but not committing to any solution. In the business world, we call this “analysis paralysis.” It’s great to analyze things to make an informed decision, and take appropriate action, but when all we do is keep coming up with potential steps to take, we are wasting the valuable time given to us. That set amount of time that never changes.

Why don’t we commit to a solution and take action?

The number one reason is we are scared of making the wrong decision. So instead of making any decision, we do nothing.

But is any decision a wrong decision? Why is it that because we make a decision that does not produce our desired results, we say it was the wrong decision?

What if we were able to say that any decision gets us closer to solving the problem at hand. If we don’t get the results at first, we learn from that. The next decision may bring us closer to the ultimate solution. We now know more about the problem and what will and not work.

Taking no action is the ultimate wrong decision as it guarantees nothing will change and are stuck exactly where we are.

So how do we let go of fear? I find the easiest way is to believe that no decision is wrong. That every decision, every step we take, leads us closer to whatever we desire. Once we believe there is no such thing as failure, we empower ourselves to make a decision.

Let’s move to #1.

Worrying about the problem by ignoring it

Have you ever found yourself worried about something, so you decide to clean out your closet? Or maybe you decide to go grocery shopping or do the laundry.

Our mind is still thinking about the problem, but unlike scenario #2, here we just focus on the problem and we don’t even think of potential solutions. We avoid solving the problem.  But we don’t let our minds let go of thinking about it.

This is different than letting go because we can’t do anything about it. When this type of worry appears, it uses up all our energy as we keep thinking about the problem, but then shifting our focus to mundane tasks.  It doesn’t stop the worry really, it just prolongs it because the problem is still there.

Many times we are grouchy when this worry presents itself.  When we snap at our children or spouse or co-workers. We’re anxious because we have this problem to solve but we don’t even want to think of the solutions. It may be because we don’t feel we have any control or maybe we feel we are not capable. Both are inaccurate.

We always have control. Making a decision is entirely within our control.

Not capable? We can do more than we know. Perhaps it’s just believing the words of Napoleon Hill, Author of Think and Grow Rich, “Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.”

Deciding we have full control of our lives and that we can achieve whatever we desire, is the first step in not letting this type of worry hijack our days.

Take time back

Once we learn to observe our worry patterns, we can begin to take action as to how to resolve our problems rather than waste time worrying.

Notice that we’re avoiding the problem and instead of weeding the yard we actually sit down and identify solutions.

We can notice when we have numerous solutions, but we continue to fret and analyze our options. Then we can stop and decide on one solution, letting go of any fear, knowing that the result, whatever it is, gets us one step closer to resolving the problem.

When we cannot change things, when it’s someone else’s problem and all we can do is offer support, we can let go. And when we let go, we can move forward in resolving those issues within our power.

Make use of a Forest Bathing Invitation I use… The Worry Stone.

Find a stone, tell it your worries, and then ask the stone to care for your worries. Leave it in the yard where you can come back to it when you are ready to take action. They will not longer be worries, but problems to solve. Let the stone have your worries, so you can  have your time!

The post Stop This One Thing And Get A Bunch Of Time Back! appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

Greetings from St Croix! We are on our first Destination Retreat as Eclectic Well-Being so what better topic for Eclectic Thoughts than Retreats!

I love traveling. But traveling is not the same as going on Retreat! Retreats are different. They are magical. Life-changing. They are Travel, but with a Purpose!

Retreats are much more than vacations. Although they include sightseeing, it’s not the only focus.

Many retreats include Yoga, but a retreat does not have to be centered around it.

I define a retreat as “intentionally withdrawing from everyday activities to a safe space in order to reflect on one’s Self and connect to one’s surroundings.”

Notice the capital Self. This is about our higher Being, the Self that is more than our thoughts and body. And I’ve added connecting to one’s surroundings because I cannot imagine a retreat where I didn’t explore the natural beauty of the world around me, including the local culture and food.

Retreats are something I have been doing my entire life and something I want to share with others! It’s why retreats are an integral part of Eclectic Well-Being.

Here’s a bit of history about my life and retreats.

Summer Camp

Summer camp as a child was a time for me to journal, try new things, and discover myself. Camp Tocanja  was my first sleep-away camp. It was a Girl Scout camp in Michigan about 3 hours away from home. That may be when my love for Michigan started.

The first year was a generic experience. We slept in raised tents and explored all the camp had to offer including hiking, swimming, boating, arts and I’m sure more

In my second year I landed up doing a primitive camping experience. We pitched our own tents, made food over a fire, and even made our own toilet. Of course, many of us waited until we went to the dining hall or for showers, but if you had to go, you had to go!

In the third year, I chose sailing. I loved the water, still do! When I look at photos of the lake now, man it was a small lake! But at the time, it felt huge! And I loved exploring it with my little Sunfish!

In middle school I went to leadership after being elected to student council. I learned so much about myself at this camp. We not only did the normal outdoor camp things, but we experimented with leadership. Learning to take charge of ourselves and lead our schools.

Why do I recall these summercamps as Retreats? Well, I withdrew from family and friends. They were both safe spaces. I  journaled, questioned my beliefs, expanded my thoughts, and explored life in ways I could never have done at home.

Vacations

As an adult, I prided myself on taking vacations. But not all vacations are retreats. Some vacations are active, like my honeymoon in 2002. We went scuba diving every day. Toured the island of St Croix. We tasted new food. But I didn’t withdraw and discover more about myself. I had tons of fun, but it was more an active vacation filled with doing, not being.

But then there are the vacations when we are exploring our likes and dislikes. We spend time with our thoughts. We may still be busy doing, but we also slow down and “chill.” We may read or journal. Maybe immerse ourselves in local culture and food.

Our trip in 2015 to Guatemala was a retreat. We stayed at Lake Atitlan, surrounded by Mayan Culture and far removed from civilization. We immersed ourselves in the culture, made local food and discovered their history. This was a retreat. I came home feeling more in touch with my true Self. I found deeper meaning in life.

Another example was a trip to St Anne Canada, near Quebec. Mark and I were having some marital issues and we used this trip to reconnect with each other. To let go of our daily responsibilities and explore our surroundings while also exploring our relationship. It was our own couple’s retreat. We came home feeling a renewed sense of commitment.

Yoga and Personal Development Retreats

The best part of owning a yoga studio was the opportunity to go on and host yoga retreats! Our good friend Katie, owner of Yoga Bohemia was my mentor when it came to hosting a retreat! If you know Katie, you know she is an expert on Retreats! She knows exactly how to create a safe space. How to encourage one to let go and explore not just their Yoga practice, but their surroundings. I recall my first retreat with Katie. It was just down the shore on LBI here in NJ, only an hour from home. But I felt I was away from everything.  This retreat was the start of my mindset journey.

Then there were Tony Robbins’ Retreats! We went to Florida and experienced Date with Destiny. And then to Amsterdam for Life and Wealth Mastery. At each event, I discovered more and more about myself. About who I am now and who I want to become.

Well-Being Retreats – Vacation with a Purpose

Over the last 18 months or so, Mark and I have better defined Eclectic Well-Being. It is more than health and mindset. It is truly about helping others live their best lives. Helping them consciously create a life and body they love.

Retreats are a part of that mission because retreats offer support and guidance in creating you. By providing a safe space to explore your Self. To define the life you want. The things  you want to do in the body you desire!

This week we are on our first Destination Well-Being Retreat. Our DREAM retreat to St Croix. This retreat is focused on helping our guests use proven mindset tools to make their dreams into reality. I’ve spent almost a year manifesting this retreat and  I’m looking forward to withdrawing from my daily activities, creating a safe space and seeing each of our guests explore there wishes and connect with the beauty of the island.

In August, we are planning a mini-retreat to the Poconos. Connecting with the mountains and rafting on the river. More than activity, we will take time to reflect and enjoy the healing aspects of our natural surroundings.

And in 2023, Greece is on the horizon.  May 29 through June 5 we will be in Amorogos Greece, with a few days before or after to spend in Athens. This retreat will focus on Yoga and Mindfulness, creating capacity in our lives to live more fully, while we also immerse ourselves in the culture of the Greek Islands. Official registration and announcement coming in our May Newsletter!

Why are we planning these retreats?

Because we believe retreats are life-changing! When we leave our responsibilities at home and we live each day utilizing our zest and connection, we create opportunities to become more of who we are meant to be.

“Travel, at its best, transforms us in ways that aren’t always apparent until we’re back home.” – Eric Weiner

If you want to discover a vacation with a purpose. To explore your desires and reconnect with your soul. Be sure to be part of our community and not miss any information!

The post A Retreat is a Journey Into One’s Self appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

I bet many of you are wondering since I’m married to a Health and Mindset Coach, why haven’t I become slender and fit? Honestly, that’s a great question and one I even sometimes ponder.

But the answers are rather easy, and they all come back to my own thoughts. Even though I may get reminders from Mark on occasion (coaching your spouse is not always a great idea. Many times we are more receptive to a stranger’s comments than those we love.), he’s not the one in control of my actions or my thoughts. Only I am. As a coach, he can guide me, hold me accountable, but he can’t make choices for me. He can’t decide in the moment for me. That is all on me.

So why am I starting this spring in the same place as last summer? Well, I’ll tell you – but first I want you to notice that I am starting this spring in the same place as last summer.  This means I’ve made progress!  I’m realizing winter did it again to my body 3 months earlier than when I noticed it last year!

GROWING UP FEMALE

I’ve had to “watch” my weight for as long as I can remember. In high school, I was always on a diet, trying to be skinny. A childhood memory stayed in my mind of me in a Brownie uniform from probably 1^st or 2^nd grade with the front button bulging from my body being too big for it. In junior high, I also had been given the largest cheerleader uniform, because, well, I was the largest cheerleader.  I was not overweight in high school, but I sure felt like if I wasn’t on a diet I would be.

Looking back it’s rather sad that so many of my thoughts, and I’m sure those of other high school girls, were on their bodies. And it was more what others thought, not how we felt. No wonder we grew into women who are so focused on our outer beauty. Young women still face stigmatism based on their weight.

LONG TERM VS SHORT TERM

I became a Saluki Shaker in college, a member of the marching bands dance team. I loved dancing and had even thought of leaving school to dance. But I was too fearful of the unknown. Afraid I wasn’t good enough.  So, when I made the dance team in the spring and was told to come back in the fall 15 pounds less, I was back to dieting!  I had to be good enough! Only this time I tried to be smart about it.

My mom and I joined what would now be called a women’s boutique gym.  We went 3 times a week and I could see my progress as they weighed us at every visit.  I was eating healthy.  I gave up pop, (what we call soda in Chicago), I chose taco salads or tostadas rather than nachos while working that summer at Taco Bell.

But at the end of summer, I was still a few pounds shy of my goal.  I missed the first game of the season because I honestly didn’t think I would actually be benched for a few pounds. Heck, my uniform fit me!

I spent that football season (I love football) sitting in saunas, starving myself all week to binge all weekend, and many other unhealthy short-term fixes. The life of binging and purging.

I quit the Shakers at the end of the season. I was smart enough to know this type of eating was not healthy nor good for my body.  This was the start of me not wanting short-term diets. Instead, looking at weight loss as a long-term, life-changing option.

MY WHY IS NOT STRONG ENOUGH

In my mindset coaching program, The Total MindShift, I start with clarity.  Being absolutely clear on your why, your reason for being. Our purpose, our why, is what drives our everyday decisions. With a clear purpose, decisions on what action to take become clear and easy. If our why is not clear, change doesn’t happen.

Right now my why is just not strong enough to drop another 15-20 pounds. My why is to be healthy and do the things I love doing. But my body is healthy.  I have no medical issues like high blood pressure or diabetes. I feel good. My extra pounds have not yet stopped me from doing the things I love. I hike. I kayak. I practice yoga. I travel back and forth to the city.  There is nothing right now that I can’t do because of my weight.

However, I’ve noticed that I’m getting more winded when Mark and I go for our hikes. I’m getting more winded teaching yoga. AND my jeans are back to being tight! This is my mindfulness coming into action! Noticing these subtle changes in my body. And, I’m noticing these things in March rather than last year in June when I put my bathing suit on. These few changes in my body, which are not in line with my why are the agitator for me to take new action. A month ago, when the weather was too cold to hike, when I was sick with a cold and missed 2 weeks of teaching, and when I hadn’t put on jeans, I didn’t have a why to make changes.  Today, I do.

5 PRIMARY DRIVERS

This week, after noticing the changes in my body, I’ve become more aware of my beliefs, thoughts, and actions. It’s what David Bayer calls the 5 primary drivers: Beliefs lead to thoughts, thoughts lead to feelings, feelings lead to action, which leads to results that reinforce our beliefs or make us rethink.

The thought pattern I’ve had over the last few months was:

Beliefs – I am healthy.

Thoughts – My clothes fit. I can do all the things I love. It’s too cold to go hiking. I have a cold so I should rest. Spring is far off. I’ll be ready to hike when the weather warms.

Feelings – Relaxed. Feelings of hibernating. Warmth. Tired.

Action – Sit by the fire. Watch the snow, not play in it. Make plans for spring. Eat for hibernation meaning comforting winter foods.

Results – My cold slowly goes away. I start feeling sluggish but not enough to change my beliefs until I try on my jeans. Until we go out for a hike. And then my beliefs change to:

Beliefs – Hiking will be much more enjoyable if I dropped 10 pounds.

Thoughts – I can do this. Just rethink your portions and choices.  Move more. Hey, you noticed this before it got warm out and your jeans don’t fit at all!

Feelings – Can’t wait till summer and we can hike the ridge! Or maybe plan a vacation around a long hike. Maybe hike Mount Tammany!

Action – Schedule hikes. Notice when I’m eating out of boredom or to soothe emotions. Make different choices.

Results – My jeans fit better. I’m less winded teaching yoga and hiking.

Back to my beliefs – I feel good!

THE SECRET IS IN YOUR THOUGHTS

So there you have it. Why I’m not as fit and trim as you may expect the wife of a Health and Mindset Coach to be. But you can see, it’s all in my thoughts.

When Mark coaches his clients, he gives guidance on nutrition and movement, because yes, these are key to being healthy and getting down to your ideal weight.

But what he can provide that other Health Coaches can’t, is a mindful approach that includes your mindset. Diving deep into why you may want to lose weight or gain muscle. Digging into your beliefs and your 5 primary drivers.  Getting down to the root of what is holding you back and then making some new decisions, changing your beliefs.

If you are ready to give up dieting forever! If you are ready to consciously create a life and body you love. Schedule a no-hassle, no-pressure Well-Being 101 call with us!  Start living your best life today!

The post Why Haven’t I Gotten Down to My Ideal Weight? appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.