I’ve found over the years that practicing gratitude isn’t just about listing things I’m thankful for. It’s about fully embodying a sense of appreciation that reaches into all aspects of life. In one of my past blog posts, Why I Spend 30 Days Focused on Gratitude, I shared my personal journey of committing to a month of gratitude each year. This practice transformed my perspective. Making me not only happier, but more resilient in the face of life’s ups and downs. I truly believe gratitude is key to a fulfilling life. Why not join me in experiencing its powerful effects.

The Science Behind Gratitude and Happiness

When we look at the research, the benefits of gratitude are undeniable. Gratitude has been studied extensively, and its benefits go far beyond that warm feeling we get when we think about what we’re thankful for. Research from Harvard Medical School reveals that gratitude actually rewires our brains to make us happier, healthier, and more resilient. According to the article Giving Thanks Can Make You Happier, those who actively practice gratitude experience more positive emotions. They feel more alive, sleep better, express more compassion and kindness. They even have stronger immune systems. With this in mind, the science is clear: gratitude isn’t just an emotion; it’s a powerful tool for creating a happier, more fulfilling life.

8 Ways Gratitude Boosts Happiness

In a blog post by Grateful.org, gratitude is highlighted as a powerful way to boost happiness through eight specific pathways.

1. Improved Relationships: Gratitude strengthens our connections with others, making us feel more valued and appreciated.
2. Enhanced Self-Worth: By focusing on what we’re grateful for, we shift our attention away from self-criticism, building a more positive self-image.
3. Greater Resilience: Gratitude provides perspective during difficult times, helping us focus on what we have instead of what we lack.
4. Reduced Stress: A focus on gratitude allows our minds to escape the stress cycle by emphasizing what’s going well.
5. Better Sleep: Practicing gratitude before bed can help calm the mind, setting us up for a restful night.
6. Boosted Physical Health: Studies have shown that grateful people tend to take better care of their health, engaging in behaviors like exercise, better nutrition, and regular check-ups.
7. Increased Empathy and Kindness: Gratitude enhances our ability to see the good in others, making us more understanding and compassionate.
8. Sustained Positive Emotions: Over time, gratitude promotes a more lasting sense of joy by helping us savor the small moments in life.

When we practice gratitude, we train our minds to notice the beauty and kindness around us. And over time, that shift in perspective builds a happier, more fulfilling life.

Gratitude and the 24 Character Strengths

In positive psychology, gratitude is recognized as one of the 24 Character Strengths. According to the VIA Character Institute, these strengths are like a toolkit for a fulfilling life. And gratitude is a powerful piece of that toolkit. Gratitude is a strength that can be developed, practiced, and embodied. It has the power to influence our outlook and enrich our lives.

If you haven’t taken the VIA Character Strengths assessment, I encourage you to do so. It’s a free tool that helps you understand your unique strengths, showing how gratitude fits into the larger picture of who you are. When we recognize gratitude as a core strength, we give ourselves permission to lean into it, using it as a foundation for growth, connection, and resilience.

Gratitude Through Life’s Challenges: An Exercise in Resilience

One of the most beautiful aspects of gratitude is its ability to ground us even in challenging times. Life is filled with moments of both joy and struggle. Although it’s easy to feel grateful when things are going well, real growth happens when we find ways to appreciate life’s difficulties too.

Try this exercise: Think of someone or something you’re deeply grateful for. Let yourself feel the warmth and fullness of that gratitude. Now, imagine going back in time to see all the steps that led to that moment. Perhaps there were difficult situations, unexpected turns, or even losses along the way. We may not have felt grateful in those moments, but looking back, we can see how each one was a stepping stone that led us here. Recognizing this can be incredibly empowering—it reminds us that even our struggles can bear gifts.

This perspective is echoed in the inspiring story of a young man who lost his leg at age 10, yet through it, found a deep sense of resilience. In a powerful video, he shares how embracing gratitude gave him the strength to rebuild his life, focusing not on what was lost but on what could be gained. His story is a reminder that even in the darkest of times, gratitude offers us a way forward, helping us find light amid shadows.

Daily Gratitude: Building a Happier, More Resilient Life

Research shows that gratitude becomes even more powerful when we make it part of our daily routine. When we approach each day with an open heart, looking for moments of beauty and kindness, we start to notice more good things. Our lives begin to feel more peaceful and joyful because we’re actively tuning into the gifts around us. Small, consistent acts of gratitude—like keeping a gratitude journal, expressing appreciation to loved ones, or simply taking a moment to savor something beautiful—can create lasting happiness.

But practicing gratitude every day isn’t about glossing over the hard stuff or pretending everything is perfect. It’s about choosing to see the good that exists alongside the challenges. Harvard’s research shows that when we regularly practice gratitude, we not only feel happier in the moment, but we also cultivate a lasting sense of contentment. We begin to find joy in the present instead of waiting for things to get “better.” This shift in perspective brings us a deep sense of peace.

Imagine, for a moment, starting each day with a sense of openness, asking yourself, “What am I grateful for today?” Over time, this simple habit becomes transformative. You’ll begin to notice beauty in places you might not have noticed before. As well as experience a deeper connection with yourself and those around you.

When we practice embracing gratitude for a happier, resilient life, we’re choosing to build a reserve of positivity that supports us through life’s inevitable challenges. The beauty of gratitude is that it’s available to us at any moment. Whether we’re celebrating a joyful occasion or navigating a difficult one, it’s a tool for seeing the bigger picture. As well as for recognizing that even in the most challenging circumstances, there is something to be grateful for.

Join Our 10-Day Gratitude Challenge

You now see how transfmormative gratitude is. How it’s something that can be cultivated with intention. If you’re ready to start embracing gratitude for a happier, resilient life, I invite you to join me in our 10-day Gratitude Challenge,  which starts on November 19 and culminates on Thanksgiving Day. Over these ten days, we’ll explore different ways to bring gratitude into our lives. From reflecting on past blessings, to appreciating the present moment. Each day, we’ll take a step closer to cultivating a practice that not only brings happiness but also strengthens our ability to face life’s ups and downs with grace.

This journey is a chance to dive deeper, to discover the power of gratitude, and to make it a part of who we are. When we look through the lens of gratitude, we see that even the hardest moments carry the seeds of beauty, strength, and transformation and we begin to make it a practice that stays with us long after November ends.

Here’s to a season of gratitude—and to a happier, more resilient life.

The post Embracing Gratitude for a Happier Resilient Life appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

Teaching Aqua Yoga I have had a number of students comment about the temperature of the water. Usually that it’s too cold and it can’t be the stated temperature of 84 degrees. Even in St Croix, a number of guests felt the water to be cold and wanted to ensure our next practice would be when the sun was bright and high in the sky. Not early in the morning as they thought at that time of day, the water would be too cold.

Made sense to me. The water would warm up during the day and of course, would be colder in the morning and warmer in the afternoon.

But…

One guest had brought a thermometer to check our human observation of the senses and scientifically measure the temperature. And guess what?

The temperature barely changed. The water in the pool maintained between 84 and 86 degrees every time we looked at it!

But how could that be? The water definitely felt colder at times and warmer at other times.

I am not a scientist, but I believe it all has to do with the temperature of the air. When the air temp exceeded the temperature of the water, the water felt cold, regardless of its real temperature. And when the air temp was below the air temperature, the water felt warm and enjoyable.  It didn’t’ matter the actual temperature of the water. Our perception changed based on what was happening outside the water. The temperature was constant, but the temperature of the air was not.

We are like the consistent water temperature.

Who we are on the inside is sort of like the temperature of the water, it fluctuates, but only slightly. However, it may not seem that way based on what is happening outside of us.

When we are faced with adversity, our sympathetic nervous system may kick in and we may seem angry or sad. But WE are NOT anger or sadness, we are still the person we have always been.

Or perhaps when faced with a challenge, we step up. We become laser-focused and determined. Did we change or is it the outside situation that is simply highlighting a part of us that has always been there?

Life can bring turmoil to our lives. It can bring joy to our lives. Yet, no matter the circumstances, aren’t we still that same person? The perception of who we are seems to change. In reality, it is what is happening on the outside that brings about that illusion.

Most of the time, not always, as sometimes we do make significant changes in our disposition, but for the most part, who we are is consistent. Our values are at our core, and they lead us through each situation.

It is the situation that changes, not us.

VIA Character Strengths

This is how I’ve gained a better understanding of the VIA Character Strengths, a tool I use in my coaching practice. In the early part of this century, Martin Seligman and Christopher Peterson led a 3-year study to research, and classify the positive aspects or traits found in human beings. They studied cultures across the globe, throughout time, and even pop culture. This culminated in a list of 24 Character Strengths, classified within 6 virtues, and the movement to focus individual awareness on the positive aspects of what makes us who we are.

VIA stands for Values in Action. I see these character strengths as 24 human values. Values we all possess, but in different ways. Thus, making each of us a unique personality, a unique individual. This study is at the forefront of the positive psychology movement.

Positive psychology is about focusing on what is right with us, rather than what is wrong with us. We spend so much time in our lives trying to correct our flaws, instead of focusing our energies on our positive qualities. Research shows that when we focus on the positive and let go of our negatives, we are happier. We achieve more. We become who we are meant to be.

Our Values are Consistent

For the most part, our values, our character strength profile, remain consistent. I’ve taken the survey a number of times. And although some strengths move a bit, there hasn’t been a groundbreaking change without me mindfully working at it. (Zest is one that I mindfully worked at and moved higher up on the scale, meaning I now use it more often. It was always there, I simply decided I wanted to use more of it. You can read more about that journey in my eclectic thoughts from 4/15/2021)

You see, it’s because we are who we are; a unique individual being with our own way of living and seeing the world.

When the world presents different situations, we utilize what is already inside of us to navigate through the challenges. It’s not that we changed, the outside world has changed and thus the perception of reactions may seem different. But just like the temperature of the water in the pool was consistently between 84 and 86 degrees, we are consistent in who we are, in our values in action.

Look at it another way. We all have the value or character strength of love. We all have a relationship, whether it be a friend, partner, parent, or caregiver that we actively love. Yet, we may not always show it. It’s not that our love for them changes, the external world changes. Perhaps they need our support, so we call them daily, check in and lend a hand. But then there are times they are busy with their lives, maybe their career or studies, and we don’t talk to them for weeks or even months. Did our love for them change? No, the circumstances outside of us changed.

We are the temperature of the water.

We are constant. Without intention, we don’t change. Our circumstances and the world around us changes, bringing out different aspects of our Internal Self. But those different aspects are always there.

Curious to know more about your Character Strength Profile?  Take the free survey and schedule a discovery call with me!  Discover what makes you, well you!

Or join me on Thursday, May 19 for a Free Workshop – Create You, where you will learn you will discover 3 Simple tools to Create the Life You Crave, one of them being using your character strengths!

The post Things Aren’t Always What They Seem appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

You made your New Year’s Resolutions or Intentions. Maybe you set your goals and are setting your strategies to get there. Are you including doing those things that make you uncomfortable? Are you stepping out or are you staying right where you are?

Growth requires change and change requires doing things differently.  If we don’t do the uncomfortable, we don’t move forward.  We stay stagnant. It’s like taking the same road somewhere every day. And one day you don’t even remember how you got there.

Our mind goes on autopilot and when that happens, we are just going through the motions. We are on that hamster wheel of mediocrity.

Being uncomfortable is not the same as saying something is difficult or that it’s hard. So many of us believe we must work hard for everything, our jobs, our relationships, our goals. We tend to think that anything worth having is hard.

But working for something is different than the work being hard.  Just as doing uncomfortable things is also different than the work being hard.

Let’s tackle stepping out of our comfort zone first.

You’ve heard the saying, “Insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results.” If it’s not insane, it’s still not the way the Universe works.

When we want something different in life, like maybe having more patience with our family or co-workers, yet we don’t do anything different, we stay in our comfort zone of behaving and reacting the same way as always, how would we have more patience?

Yet so often we set an intention, but then we get stuck in our comfort zone of doing the same things.

We can even get so comfortable with being sad or angry, it’s our go-to emotion! We say we don’t like it, but our brain is wired to repeat that emotion because our brain likes certainty. Whether it’s good or bad, it’s certain. We know how to be sad or angry.

In this example of wanting to behave more patience, to embrace the patience that is inside of us, we must get uncomfortable. Patience may not be our go-to emotion or action, so it doesn’t feel comfortable.  Yet, only by allowing ourselves to feel uncomfortable, by letting go of the anger and feeling patience instead, will we begin to change and create the person we actually want to be.

Using Character Strengths

One of the things I teach in my Total MindShift Coaching program is how to use Character Strengths to achieve your goals.  What are Character Strengths? Character Strengths, as defined by Values In Action, are the positive aspects of your personality. There are 24 of them and we each possess all of them. What makes us uniquely different than others is how and to what extent we use them.

Now you may be thinking, “yes, using my strengths, of course, would help me achieve my goals.”  But what if I told you that you can be happier and more successful when you embrace your signature strengths in a new uncomfortable way.

It’s true. We are happiest and most like ourselves when we use our signature strengths, (those that are most like us and that we use every day). But we activate our growth mindset when we use them in a new and different way, challenging us to embrace being uncomfortable.

Take for example that one of my signature strengths is Love of Learning (which it is). But I like to learn independently by reading and watching videos online (which I do). If I have an intention this year to open a retreat center (which I do), I may find myself achieving it faster if I use Love of Learning in a new way.  Instead of learning independently, maybe I take a class or find a mentor or workshop to engage with others. I am still using my comfort zone, my signature strength of love of learning, but I’m using it in a way that is not my comfort zone.  I will get uncomfortable.  But that uncomfortableness is a good thing. It is opening up new pathways in my brain that will continuously help with my intention of opening a retreat center.

It Doesn’t Have To Be Hard

Being uncomfortable is not the same as it being hard. When we believe something is hard, we begin to immediately formulate doubts in our brain. We start thinking we will not enjoy it. That we won’t be able to do it. We won’t accomplish whatever it is.

Things are only hard if we believe they are hard.  When we are uncomfortable, that is not a decision or belief, it is an emotion. A reaction in our body.

When I am uncomfortable, my body tightens up, my belly feels a bit queasy.

But when I believe something is hard, my body doesn’t do anything. Something being hard is all going on in my mind. It’s my monkey mind. It is a decision I’ve made.

Your perspective of something being hard, and mine, may be completely different. It is simply our belief that something is going to be difficult. It is a decision we are making. AND we can decide to believe differently.

What if we decided it is not going to be hard? That we may be uncomfortable, but that it will not be difficult? Would that change your perspective? Would that change how you strategize?

It’s Never HARD, it’s just Uncomfortable

What if we looked at challenges as not being difficult, but simply uncomfortable? New and unfamiliar situations trigger our brain to release dopamine, which has been noted to increase our happiness. When we are happy, we are in a powerful state. And when we are in a powerful state, we make better decisions. When we make better decisions, we grow. And when we grow, we continue to create the best version of ourselves.

Give yourself permission this year to be uncomfortable. To embrace the new neural pathways that are created when we step out of our comfort zone.

And decide that things don’t have to be hard just because they are uncomfortable.

In fact, being uncomfortable can be easy when we decide to step in with excitement. When we decide that when we feel uncomfortable, we are growing

The post Being Uncomfortable Does Not Mean It’s Difficult appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

I’ve been on hiatus from writing for the last month. I decide to consciously spend time with family and friends. Which got me thinking. I talk a lot of consciously creating a life and body you love, but what really do I mean by that?

When Mark and I decided to create Eclectic Well-Being, we had a vision of helping people gain clarity on their well-being, including their health, their mindset, and their relationships. We struggled for years creating and recreating our lives. It wasn’t until the kids were in college and after I turned 50 that we went inward, finding ourselves again. And once we started yoga and then mindset work, we realized we were actually creating our lives. We were Consciously Creating our days, our goals, and our activities.

Consciously creating your life takes 3 steps, the first being, understanding your spiritual vision, your reason for being, your why.

What’s Your Why?

Do you know your why? Your reason for getting up each morning. I believe it changes over the course of our lives, but the changes are more a difference in interpretation. How we live our why. Take Oprah. As a child, she wanted to be a teacher. She wanted to be known for inspiring her students to be more than they thought they could be. Although she landed up as a talk show host, isn’t she teaching and inspiring us all?

I remember years ago, maybe just a few years after Mark and I were married, in an argument, asking Mark what his purpose was. He looked at me like deer in headlights. He had no idea.  At that point in my life my why was to raise my kids to be independent. To be compassionate and loving. To be their own person.  Being unique and being who they were meant to be was important to me. I never wanted my kids, or anyone to pretend to be someone they aren’t.  Mark at that point in his life didn’t have the mindfulness and mindset training to understand his purpose yet.

The Values Exercise

However, he had recently joined BNI and their founder, Ivan Misner co-wrote a book, Whose In Your Room. I picked it up and work through the exercises. Chapter 24 was my favorite as it’s all about your values and your values dictate your why. It’s the first step to truly understand your why.

The exercise starts with first understanding the importance of consciously (yes, the book actually uses that word) identifying your values. Because when you acknowledge them, you are more apt to actually live them.  When presented with what to do in our lives, we can use our values to make our decisions and ensure our actions are aligned with our higher being, our values.

The book provides 4 steps: 1) Identify the times when you were the happiest. 2) List the times when you felt a sense of pride. 3) Identify the times when you were most fulfilled and satisfied. 4)Determine your top values based on your past experiences of happiness, pride and fulfillment.

The results of this exercise are still saved as a note on my phone It’s there to remind me whenever I’m struggling on a decision.

Each of my top values has a declaration that goes with it, a personal context of how one views the particular value. Below is what I wrote on August 6, 2014, and was probably the first step I took in consciously creating the life I have now.

Honesty/ Trust

Trust is the foundation of any relationship. Whether it is professional, volunteer, family, or friends, if there is no trust and honesty between each person, the relationship is bound to fail or end in disappointment for one or both parties. Originally, I had authenticity separate, but have now included here since an honest person is also authentic, as to be authentic, one must be honest with themselves.  If one cannot be honest with themselves, they will find it very difficult to be honest with others.

Nature

Nature is my god. When people comment about their faith, I look at nature and feel in awe.  Nature has a way of living each day, creating beauty over time, and recognizing that everything has a purpose. I would rather be out in nature any day of the week then be indoors or be in a city or museum or church.  The beauty that just happens is more than any religion can give me. Nature and all its beauty is my faith in life and living every moment.

Contribution

Contribution is the value that connects me to others and to the world at large. I believe one must contribute something to this world, that we are all unique in our mix of qualities and that we are each meant to bring something to this life. Although I may not believe in God, I do believe we all touch each other’s lives without even knowing it. This must be the reason I love the movie It’s a Wonderful Life. He contributed to his family and community and didn’t really understand how many lives he touched.

Learning and Personal Growth

I value learning and personal growth because I believe this is what keeps our minds active. Our individual learning leads to a community of learning and I know some may object, or call me snobbish, but by better understanding the world, sciences, math, etc , it is then we can improve human life and this world we live in.  Ignorance solves nothing. Ignorance cannot contribute to society. Ignorance leads to misunderstandings. Thus, I truly believe everyone must strive to continuously improve themselves, to improve our world.

Leadership/Mentoring/Coaching

I get enormous joy from mentoring young people. This is why I stay so involved in Sigma Kappa and why I am pursuing a second career in teaching.  I enjoy and value leadership because it is a way to pass along knowledge and if I value knowledge – I want to share that knowledge with others.  This is how the world can improve, people can better understand and begin to also value knowledge and personal growth.

Travel/ Explore

I wasn’t sure if this was one of my values but after realizing my happiest memories are of traveling to new and old places and spending time just exploring I realized how much I do value travel as another way to learn and grow while also just learning to relax and enjoy nature. Travel allows me to really enjoy those values in a more focused way.

Commitment/Dependable

These in my humble opinion, are good behavior values. Someone should not commit to something if they have no intention of keeping that commitment.  When making commitments, one should not take it lightly. If they are unsure they can follow thru, they should be honest.  Once a promise is made, it should take something quite serious to break it. This goes in personal relationships, like marriage, work projects, volunteer assignments, and anything we have made a commitment to.  This is highlighted in my desire to always be punctual.

Yes this was written over 7 years ago, and all are still relevant today.

I highly recommend that even if you think you know your why, that you do this exercise. If nothing else, it will provide you a manifesto of your spiritual vision to share or keep somewhere just in case you need it!

VIA Character Strengths

Another option, not exactly the same, but can also help you define your purpose, is to know your Character Strengths. VIA Character Strengths are defined as the positive personality traits that define your unique identity. Just like our values can be used and interpreted differently, so can your character strengths, which makes each of us unique! You can take your Free VIA Character Strength Survey at http://eclecticwellbeing.pro.viasurvey.org and then schedule a call with me if you’d like to review.

In next week’s Eclectic Thoughts, we’ll tackle the second step of consciously creating a life you love and that is Visualizing and Finding Clarity of the life you want to live.

Till next week……..

The post What It Means to Consciously Create a Life You Love appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

It’s something I spent most of my life taking for granted.

Sure I was grateful for things. But living every day in gratitude? My life didn’t seem that way.

I was raised to say “Thank you.”

Taught that it’s polite to send thank you cards. Was told to eat what was on my plate, be thankful for it since there were others who were starving.

But to embody the spirit of gratitude, that was missing from my life.

When I first took the VIA Character Strengths survey, Gratitude was one of my lower middle strengths, coming in with a ranking of 3.5 out of 5. VIA Character Strengths, this is a system designed by scientists in the positive psychology world that identifies your unique character strength profile. It is a classification of 24 positive traits we all possess, but use in different combinations and in different ways, which makes us each unique. This survey measures which ones you use on a regular basis, your signature strengths, and then ranks the others in order of your preference. Those at the bottom of the list are not weaknesses, just those that one uses less often, or maybe under only certain conditions.

So gratitude was number 16 on my list, but the score of 3.5 making it somewhat like me.

I wanted it to be more like me.

It was 2018 and I had recently left my corporate career, bought a yoga studio and become a Life Coach. I thought Gratitude would be a more significant part of me bein a yogi and all. We had a gratitude jar at the studio. At the end of class I shared quotes and poems on gratitude. I had done the social media gratitude challenge in 2016. I felt like something was wrong with me! I’m surrounded by gratitude, but it’s not even close to being one of my signature strengths! My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving, in part because there are no gifts. Just love, family and friends.

Am I not grateful?

The Monkey Mind was at it again! There is nothing wrong with me.

That’s what I love about looking at gratitude through the lens of positive psychology and how this survey was designed.

Gratitude is a part of who I am. I may not use it all the time, and perhaps I could do more to embody it, but it is still a positive aspect of me! I simply use other strengths more often!

And if you think of it, if we all had Gratitude as our number 1 strength, and we all used it ALL the time as our go to strength, we may all start taking it for granted. And there would be less diversity in life.

So even though I know that gratitude is a part of me, I still want to embrace or more fully embody it. I’ve been observing life, coaching others, joining in masterminds, and what I find weaved throughout is that those that are happiest and most successful, all radiate Gratitude!

How could I strengthen my gratitude? Make it even more like me?

I decided back in 2018 I would not only do the social media Gratitude challenge again, I would also make it an annual ritual. Every November I would focus my energy on embodying gratitude. Taking time each day to acknowledge the big and small things in my life that I am truly grateful for. It is my annual Gratitude Check-Up! Making sure it stays strong and I’m hoping gets stronger!

This year I am at it again.

I am posting each day to my social media accounts what I am grateful for. I recall back in 2016 many others taking part, but this year, I’ve only seen one other person post.

Would you like to join me? Would you like to give yourself a Gratitude Check-Up? Give that strength a work-out?

Gratitude is one of 5 VIA Character strengths that have a strong connection to happiness. Having more gratitude, we find more joy and happiness! When we are grateful, we feel more connected to our lives, we are engaged, and our lives have greater meaning.

Wherever gratitude is in your Character Strength Profile, (take the survey to find out), it doesn’t hurt to focus 30 days out of the year to keep that gratitude spirit strong!

So, post what you are grateful for on any of the social media platforms: Facebook, IG and LinkedIn. Post daily, post weekly or just post one time! Then tag Eclectic Well-Being and use hashtag #eclecticgratitude! We will share someone’s post each day with intent to spread gratitude and thus spread happiness!

What are you grateful for?

The post Why I spend 30 Days Focused on Gratitude appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

Ever have one of those days where everything seems to be conspiring against you? Does it seem like those days are happening with frequent regularity? Do you ever feel like the walls are closing in on you and it’s all too much? Like everywhere you look you see even more stress? What can you do when everything seems so bleak?

Find the gratitude.

The brain works much like a search engine. Have you ever purchased a new car, thinking that it’s a fairly unique model, but now that you own it you see it all over the place? That’s what I’m talking about. That model car was just as prevalent before you bought it. The only difference is now your brain knows what to look for, so it finds it wherever it can.

Your brain does this with more than cars though, In fact, it does this all day long; incessantly finding things it thinks you’re looking for. Back when humanity consisted mostly of tribes of hunter-gatherers, this was an especially useful adaptation. Our brains were always on high alert, scanning for danger constantly so we didn’t become lunch for that saber-toothed tiger.

These days though, are much safer. For most of us, there isn’t ever-present, life-threatening danger lurking in the tall grass on a daily basis. But the brain still wants to do its job; it wants to keep us safe from possible threats. So it waits to see what we focus on, then delivers that information in droves. Sometimes it’s all the other same model new cars, and sometimes it’s misery and depression.

When we have a shitty day, it often seems like one thing starts it off, and then it’s all downhill from there. One bad thing, then another, and another, with us eventually asking, “what ELSE is going to go wrong today?!” In reality though, it’s just like seeing your new car everywhere you look. Only instead of your new car, it’s “bad things and more problems.” Your brain thinks it’s doing you a favor by finding all of the examples of how the Universe seems to hate you today.

Gratitude is how we break the pattern.

We focus the brain on a new task. Instead of looking for hazards or examples of how this day could get even worse, we want to train the brain to search for the good in whatever situation we’re in at the moment. Some jerk cut you off and is now driving slower in front of you? Maybe he just stopped you from getting pulled over by that cop hiding in the bushes. Maybe the Universe is telling you to relax before your blood pressure causes an aneurism to burst.

When we start finding the gratitude in all things, we re-train the brain to find the good in our lives. People who begin this practice often find that their string of bad days becomes shorter and shorter, with longer periods of good days between the bad. People who master the art of gratitude, find that looking back, they’ve never really had a bad day in their lives. Simply a series of experiences that taught them to love life just a little bit more each day.

Gratitude is one tool we can use to get our brains to work with us instead of against us, and there are a host of other methods too. If you’d like to learn more, check out the 7-Day Mind Shift free email series. Or go deeper with Mind Training 101. And, for mentor-led instruction be sure to check out Kathi’s Total Mind Shift program.

The post How to Fix “One of Those Days” appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

Many people think Leadership is a skillset that is learned and only used by those in power. They don’t necessarily think of it as something to use unless they are in a position of managing others. Thus there is no focus on strengthening or developing it.

I challenge that thinking and believe Leadership is found in each of us. It is a character strength we all can benefit from when we use it more regularly.

Every human being has the inherent character strength of leadership. It is not only important when we are leading others, but it is just as important to use in order to lead ourselves. To be the Captain of our own ship.

Our ship is our life. As captain, isn’t our goal to live our best life? Are we not striving to find higher levels of happiness?  To find contentment and well-being every day?  Martin Seligman, founder of Positive Psychology, might say our best life is when we are flourishing or living in flow.

This leads to the question, what state of being are we in when we are flourishing or at our best?

Aren’t we at our best when we are aware and in the present moment?

Awareness and the Present Moment

When we are present, we are more capable to direct our Self or others. We have clarity on what we are trying to achieve, whether that be baking cookies or finishing a project for our boss.

Being present, we have clarity on the next step needed to reach the end result.  When we are not present, we lack the awareness of what is needed next to achieve our goal, regardless of what that goal may be.

Leadership requires this presence, this awareness.  We cannot lead, whether it be our Self or others, if we are not present and aware.

Mindfulness – the Key to being Present

To increase our levels of awareness and act in the present moment, we learn to be mindful. Mindfulness is taking full accountability for our mindset, how we view the world, and our response to our circumstances.  When we accept that these two things are completely in our control, we let go of blame and of expecting others to solve our issues, make us happy, make us whole. We engage our Captain. We engage Leadership.

The world provides plenty of triggers to make us angry, agitated, and relegate our leadership to others. But it is mindfulness that employs the leadership within us and gives us the resources to process the external world in a different way.

One always has the choice of how to react to any given situation. We can succumb to negative thoughts and behaviors, or we can utilize mindfulness and leadership to reframe and find responses that help us move forward, not keeping us stuck in the same paradigm we are accustomed to. All situations are temporary.  In knowing this, we hold the power to decide the next step. We can choose action that will lessen our stress and negative emotions. We can choose to create the potential for a more preferred circumstance in the future.

Mindfulness paired with Leadership, is letting go of fault and taking full responsibility for our actions, regardless of the situation.  The answer to every problem lies within us in the present moment.

 “When you think everything is someone else’s fault, you will suffer a lot. When you realize that everything springs only from yourself, you will learn both peace and joy.” Dali Lama

Leadership based in Values

In the book, The Leadership Challenge, (J. Kouzwa and B. Posner), the authors begin with the belief that to lead others, and I would add as well as our Self, we must know exactly what we stand for. We must define who we are. When we understand our values, we have clarity on what is most important to us. That clarity then serves as a guide for our actions.

ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) defines values as, “chosen concepts linked with patterns of action that provide a sense of meaning and that can coordinate our behavior over long-time frames.” Essentially is is our personal code of conduct.  Values are the constructs of how we live our lives.  These must be defined in order for us to utilize our leadership.

Values ground and guide our Leadership. Leadership is supported by our mindfulness, our knowing and understanding who we are and what we believe. Mindfulness cultivates our understanding of our purpose, which leads us back to being the Captain of our Ship. It is a continuous circle.

Leadership is a Mindset

Leadership requires having a Beginner’s Mind.  Being open to learning with an understanding that there is always more to learn. It is asking questions, being accepting to change our perspective when more is known.  It’s taking time to find the right path for our Self, rather than quickly making decisions. It is allowing space and admitting we don’t know when we don’t have the answer.

Failure does not exist with a Beginner’s Mind. It is simply when what we expect and what actually occurs are not the same. Engaging our Leadership, we let go of any fear of failure.  Leadership is taking action, being mindful of the outcome without attachment.  If it is an undesired outcome, we learn. But we do not allow thoughts that we failed or that the path we chose was wrong.  We move forward, learning from the circumstance.

Risk taking is made safe by accepting  “mistakes” and “failures” as part of learning.

Leadership requires failure because failure is how we ultimately learn.

A wise man once told me, “when you fail, fail fast.”  This means we are mindful. We notice that the desired outcome is not what is happening and we mindfully change course.  We do not sulk in the unintended outcome. We see it and we move on.

Think of decisions as experiments.  Experiments have no right or wrong outcome.  Instead, we engage our curiosity and see what happens.  The outcome, desired or not, helps us to see the next step forward.

Empowering not Fixing

Leadership is not fixing others.  It is not fixing our Self.  Leadership is empowering our Self and those around us to reach their unlimited potential.

I say unlimited because like the universe which we are all part of, connected with, our potential is limitless.  When we reach what we thought was our limit, we realize there is more beyond.

Within every human is greatness.  Leadership looks for this greatness in our own being and everyone else as well.

Leadership is empowering every being to understand they have unlimited potential.  It is also assisting them in moving forward.  But it is not fixing as there is nothing to fix. Challenges are designed for us to grow. When we “fix” a challenge for someone, we limit their growth.  This is not Leadership.

Empowerment acknowledges our importance in the world as well as the importance of every other individual.  We all desire to feel valued.

We start with our Self and  let go of self-doubt, self-criticism. We believe in our own worth. Once we love our Self, we do the same for those who surround us, acknowledging and valuing their unique gifts and capabilities of what they bring to the world.

Our life is whatever we make it.

Our job, our relationships can be whatever we desire.

We are the Captain.

We all have Leadership within us to steer our ship on course.

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Instead of a New Year’s Resolution, have you done the exercise of picking a word? Just one word to focus on for the entire year. I decided to do that for 2020. I had been working with VIA Character Strengths, (check out your Character Strength Profile here) and well, my ZEST wasn’t being used all that much. It was a character strength I didn’t make the time for or use on a daily basis. But it was one I coveted.

ZEST

When I would meet people filled with Zest, you know the ones, the people who wake up every morning with a smile, excited for the day, and never seem to ever be sad, I would hear my mind say “wouldn’t it be nice to always be in that high of spirits?”

So for 2020 I decided to focus on Zest. To approach every day with excitement and energy, not doing things just halfheartedly. It seemed serendipitous as on January 1 I went to a group meditation and that word was there. I knew I was going to live 2020 with the spirit of adventure! I was planning two retreats: an Empowerment Retreat in Cabo and a Yoga Retreat in Italy! My dreams were starting to become reality!

But then, you know what happened.

LOCKDOWN

Covid. Pandemic. Both retreats cancelled. My yoga studio shut down. Unable to see my kids or my mom. I could have totally given up on my word not even three months into the year, but I didn’t. The universe was testing me, seeing if I was serious about utilizing my character strength of Zest.

See Zest is easy to use when we are traveling or at a party or spending the day doing something we love and rarely get to do. Using Zest when the world is shut down and your plans for the year go up in smoke, well that was going to be challenging, but I was up for the task!

Now I’m not going to sit here and tell you that 2020 was a Great Year for me! It wasn’t.

BUT I DID FIND ZEST IN MANY MOMENTS

First there was the beauty of being alone on the beach in LBI. That never happens. But I needed to hear and smell the ocean. Mark and I jumped in my jeep and headed down the shore one day in April. I’m not sure if it was technically legal, but I was so excited to just walk briefly on the beach, touch my toes in the ocean and feel the sad beneath my feet. It was a new sense of excitement for a place I had been many times before.

Then there was learning to host yoga classes on zoom and helping our yoga community stay grounded. Our office was a mess, but I have to say, we were excited to bring joy to others, to serve our community when they needed it, and bring some normalcy with our regular schedule of teachers wherever possible. I used Zest to create this energy and excitement for something that was incredibly challenging!

Then there was the intentional use of Zest to create some family fun! We always loved to play games and now we could all play, uninterrupted to celebrate birthdays and holiday. Playing games before was ok. I mean, sometimes they were fun, but sometimes it was just something to do to pass the time. In 2020, via zoom, playing games with my kids and extended family became an afternoon filled with laughter. It became time to be present with family and not be sidetracked by other things.

Zest played a role in purely enjoying the weekend my son came home to be best man at a backyard wedding. I spent more time with my college friend Robin than I had in years! A trip to Maine became much more exciting as we had more time and space to enjoy the trails with fewer people to share them with. And I found zest in being able to take my dog everywhere because stopping to eat was not a problem, everyone had outdoor dining and she was welcome!

REALITY

Yes, there was much pain and suffering in 2020. I am fortunate no one in my immediate family died from the virus or was hospitalized. I am truly grateful for that. But we didn’t see each other except via a screen, and no matter how hard we tried to keep our business functioning, before the end of the year we had to close like so many others.

I could have chosen to just use my character strength of perseverance and I would have survived 2020 like so many others, but I chose to also use Zest. To live every day with excitement and energy. To find the good in these challenges.

TODAY

I haven’t retaken my VIA Character Strength assessment to see if I’m using Zest more because I know I am. This year I’ve been so excited to watch the seedlings I planted sprout and grow ready to bring veggies for me this summer. I check on them numerous times a day – excited to see the subtle changes in just a few hours. It’s incredible! Mark and I are back to exploring local hikes and trying new restaurants (take out or outdoor dining for now). And we launched a new business that we are passionate about!

Life may not always be perfectly aligned with our desires. But it is exactly in that moment that we have a choice, a decision to make. The decision that Albert Einstein once said was the MOST important. And that is to decide to live in a friendly universe. To believe that everything is happening for us. And to approach each day with excitement and energy. To experience the day as if it is our last.

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Love is an emotion. It can be elusive, and love can be overwhelming.

Love is an act. Love can be passionate, yet also innocent.

Love is a character strength.

Love – it’s something we all yearn for, yet occasionally can make us act foolishly, and can wound our spirit.

What is love really?

As a Character Strength, love is how we value close relationships and contribute to those relationships in a genuine way. It is reciprocal. Love is not only given, but one must also be open to receive it as well.  When we are at our best with love, there is an easy give and take. We see close relationships at part of our personal value, our worth. When we utilize love as strength, it helps us facilitate compassion, tolerance, and empathy which leads to healthy and long-term relationships. Having love in our lives, romantic and other forms, can bring purpose and meaning, which leads to a living in abundance, feeling fulfilled.

Love as an emotion is a strong positive feeling of caring for someone with commitment. There is a willingness to sacrifice for those we love. Love can be a euphoric feeling, caused by the release of dopamine, which makes us crave even more dopamine. When we fall in love, we literally crave being with this person because our body yearns for the dopamine. Now, not anyone can cause the release of dopamine, and I don’t know why some individuals cause our bodies to release this neurotransmitter, but once we find that person who causes such strong feelings that our bodies release dopamine, we want to spend more and more time with them. Not really a romantic tale here, but it’s how our bodies work when we start to feel love as an emotion.

Another chemical released when we fall in love is oxytocin, which boosts our feelings of attachment and trust. The release of oxytocin plays a part in our desire to be monogamous. It brings a feeling of safety with one particular person. This neurotransmitter is sometimes called the “love hormone” because our bodies produce high levels at the beginning of a relationship.

So, love is an emotion that is intensified by a number of chemicals in our bodies that make us feel even higher levels of positive emotion. It is a clear indicator of mind-body connection. And it is no wonder our natural instinct is to want to feel love.

But what is love as an action? As a verb. When we love someone what does that mean? What action are we taking? This is where it can get complicated.

We take action because we have thoughts and emotions. And those actions produce results, which either reinforce our original thoughts or sometimes have us seeing things differently. But what are the thoughts and emotions that cause us to take action, to love someone? And do we all show love in the same way?

Have you ever wondered if how you love someone is the way they want to be loved? We all have our own beliefs and thoughts, each of us is different, so a particular act of love to me, may not speak love to my partner. Have you ever felt that your spouse or partner doesn’t love you? Or at least not in the way you desire to be loved. Maybe it’s that they don’t call when they are going to be late. Or maybe to feel loved you need them to help with the household chores more? But they are thinking, “I’m late because I’m taking a client to dinner so that they sign on and I get that bonus so we can take that trip to Hawaii.” Or maybe they skip the household chores because they are busy making the yard look like an oasis so you can sit and relax on the weekends. There are so many acts of love, and some actions produce the emotion, while others leave us feeling only half full. It’s no wonder many couples are not as happy in their relationship as they would like to be!

Now, I’m no expert on Love and Relationships. But I do know that my first husband and I loved each other, but not in the ways the other wanted to be loved. Mark and I don’t have a perfect relationship, but we are better at communicating our desires, what makes each of us feel loved as well as being more explicit when some of our actions are intended as acts of love. Since focusing on our well-being, including our mindset, we have found a stronger connection, less arguments and a deeper sense of contentment.

Join us as we host our friend and Certified Transformational Mindset and Relationship Coach, Cindy McKee, for Minding the Heart, on Saturday February 13 at 11am. Cindy will walk us through a step-by-step process that will help everyone discover how beliefs that you don’t even know you have, are creating the results you don’t want. Whether in a relationship or looking for one, you will learn how those beliefs are keeping you from experiencing the love and connection you crave.

You’ll learn WHY we find ourselves stuck in repeating patterns and some very simple techniques for breaking free from them.

Join us in this rich, interactive class where you’ll discover how true love is just yours for the asking. Bring your journal, maybe a friend, and your already open mind!

This is a FREE event, your simply need to register via our special events calendar, https://eclectic.kartra.com/calendar/SpecialEvents.

The post The Love of Well-Being appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

Serendipity.  I never thought much about the word or it’s meaning.  For the longest time the word brought visions of Frozen Hot Chocolate and trips into NYC with my kids when they were actually kids.  But then I read it while facilitating The Artist’s Way this past fall.  “When we answer that call, when we commit to it, we set in motion the principle that C.G. Jung dubbed synchronicity, loosely defined as a fortuitous intermeshing of events.  Back in the sixties, we called it serendipity.”  (Cameron, 2016,pg 64) Since reading this last September, I am finding serendipity wherever I look!  It’s like chance is everywhere!

So what really is Serendipity?  It’s when you think of someone and low and behold, they call unexpectedly and brighten your day!  Or when you decide to take a break from job hunting and instead go to a yoga class.  You start a conversation with the woman next to you and find out she has a position open that is exactly what you are qualified for and what you have been searching for! The most famous example of Serendipity is the discovery of Penicillin when a petri dish was mistakenly left open when scientist Alexander Fleming went on holiday and came back to find a mold killing harmful bacteria.

Serendipity is defined in Collins Dictionary as “a seeming gift for finding something good accidentally.” Synchronicity is defined in Collins Dictionary “an apparently meaningful coincidence.” In my mind, when synchronicity leads to something good, it is also serendipity.  Plus, I simply like the word!  It has a flow and I guess for me brings up images of fun with two rug rats!

Serendipity can be said to be luck.  And then we have a limiting belief that “I’m not lucky.  That never happens to me,” we miss every chance the universe puts before us for serendipity.  So we continue to think we’re just not lucky.

But Serendipity only occurs if we are open to it.  If we allow ourselves to notice and see it.  This only happens when we are present and completely aware.  When we go through life, doing things without paying attention, doing them out of habit, not noticing changes around us and inside us, serendipity blows away in the wind.

So how do we remain open to Serendipity?  Let’s look at self-regulation.  I know you’re thinking, “chance and self-regulation, how could there be any link between the two?”

If you came to Mind Work this past Monday, you know I don’t like the term self-regulation.  It seems too close to a rule and if you’ve been to a Well-Being 101, you know we believe there are no rules. (No “shoulds” either.)  So I choose to look at self-regulation as maintaining focus.  Having clarity to make the decisions that will bring our desired outcomes.  We make a decision and then we make more decisions to keep us on course.  That seems more in tune with me than regulating my Self.

But still, how does maintaining focus relate back to Serendipity?

Well, if we don’t know what it is we are working toward, or when we lack clarity on our purpose or desires, how do we even notice when something is right in front of us?  When we are clear on what we want, what our purpose is, it leaves much greater awareness to notice things that align with that vision.  Serendipity is not just pure luck or random coincidence. It is a mindset.  It is being actively aware and seeing the connection of seemingly random things.

Being fully aware of the present moment with clarity of who we are and why we are here is vital to find serendipity.  But we must also prepare by removing barriers such as overwhelm or “imposter syndrome” and other negative beliefs.  These negative emotions never allow us to see clearly, to take powerful action.  For instance, let’s say you grab a coffee on our way to work where you have two back to back meetings and a list of other things that need to get done. You’re fully present though and notice the gentleman in front of you and recognize him as the hiring manager for a job you recently applied for.  However, the stress and overwhelm you are feeling from all the work you have on your plate today is leaving you with no energy to start a conversation and introduce yourself.  You are aware. You are clear, but you haven’t removed the barriers and thus miss out on this Serendipitous moment!

To truly engage in serendipity, we must be in a powerful state.  When we are in overwhelm or other negative states, we are in survival mode.  And in survival mode we aren’t open to all that is around us.

We all love Serendipity and feeling like the world just gave us a gift!  That we are one of the lucky ones! But if we want more of that, we must be open to it.  To believe that the Universe is always working for us.  We need to be present and open to the gifts the universe is trying to give us!  When we do that, Serendipity is all around us!

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