Autumn marks the season of Gratitude. Gratitude is not simply a feeling; it’s something we intentionally do.

The Season of Turning Inward

October has always felt like an invitation to pause. The air cools, the leaves turn, and life begins to quiet. It’s a natural time to reflect — to look back on the year, the lessons learned, the joys celebrated, and the challenges overcome. Autumn reminds us that everything has a season, even our emotions and experiences.

As I look outside, surrounded by the colors of change, I’m reminded how gratitude helps me stay grounded. Amid all of life’s movement: the uncertainty, the busyness, the constant flow, gratitude offers a steady center. It’s what keeps me connected to what truly matters.

My Journey with Gratitude

Gratitude didn’t always come easily to me. Like so many, I used to focus on what was missing, what I didn’t yet have, what hadn’t worked out, where I thought I should be. But over time, I realized that mindset was draining my joy.

The shift began with a simple practice: spending the month of November posting on social media something I was grateful for each day. At first, it felt small, like too simple to make a difference. But as the days turned into weeks, something changed. My focus shifted. I began to notice beauty in the ordinary, like a warm sunrise, a kind word, or even the lessons hidden in the challenges life kept bringing me. Gratitude became a lens through which I experienced the world differently. 

Gratitude as Mindset Medicine

Today, gratitude is my mindset medicine. It doesn’t erase worry or anxiety, but it certainly changes my relationship with them. When I intentionally give time to gratitude, my worries take a backseat. My heart softens, and my mind quiets.

This practice reminds me that we can’t always control our circumstances, but we can choose where we place our attention. When we center our thoughts on what’s good, what’s already here, we cultivate resilience. Gratitude becomes a powerful grounding tool, shifting us from fear to trust, from scarcity to abundance.

Even on difficult days, gratitude whispers, “You are supported. You are enough.”

Gratitude as Action, Not Just Emotion

Many people think of gratitude as something we feel. But what I’ve come to understand is that gratitude is most powerful when it becomes something we do. It’s an action. A daily commitment to noticing, acknowledging, and appreciating life as it unfolds.

That action might look like slowing down long enough to watch a sunset. It might mean expressing appreciation to a loved one. Offering kindness to a stranger. It could be taking a mindful breath before reacting, or saying a quiet thank-you for your morning coffee.

Each small act of gratitude reinforces a habit of presence. Over time, these moments compound, transforming how we move through the world. Gratitude in action is how we embody joy, not just experience it. 

The Birth of Gratitude In Action

Several years ago, I felt inspired to bring this practice to others. What began as a simple idea, to spend the month of November together focusing on gratitude,  has grown into one of my favorite Eclectic Well-Being traditions: our Annual Gratitude Challenge, Gratitude In Action.

Each November, we come together for reflection and intentional living. Through daily prompts, mindful practices, and small acts of appreciation, we align our energy with gratitude, just in time for Thanksgiving, the holiday that celebrates it most. Gratitude in Action reminds us that while gratitude starts as a personal practice, it expands outward, touching everyone we encounter.

Gratitude’s Ripple Effect

When we live in gratitude, everything changes. Not just within us, but around us. Relationships deepen. Opportunities seem to flow more easily. Our energy becomes lighter and more magnetic.

Gratitude doesn’t deny life’s difficulties. It doesn’t mask them. Gratitude gives us the perspective to move through them with grace. It helps us recognize the lessons in our struggles, the beauty in our imperfections, and the abundance that exists even when life feels uncertain.

When we choose gratitude consistently, we’re not just feeling thankful; we’re transforming our inner landscape. We begin to cultivate a sense of peace and contentment that lasts long after the moment passes. Gratitude becomes the soil in which joy naturally grows.

Writing Gratitude Into the Next Chapter

This year, as I prepare for our 2025 Gratitude Challenge, I’ve been reflecting even more deeply on this journey. Gratitude has become the foundation for nearly everything I teach and practice at Eclectic Well-Being. It’s the thread that weaves through self-appreciation, relationships, and how we engage with the world.

That’s why I’m thrilled to share that I’ve begun writing a book about gratitude. One that brings together all I’ve learned through my own experiences and my work with clients. My hope is to have it ready in time for next year’s Gratitude Challenge, so it can serve as a companion for anyone ready to walk this path of appreciation and transformation.

Writing about gratitude has reminded me how limitless this practice is. It’s not something we master. It’s something we return to, again and again, with a curious and open heart.

An Invitation to Practice Together

As we move deeper into this season of harvest, I invite you to join me once again for Gratitude in Action, our Annual Gratitude Challenge. Let’s pause together. To reflect, to notice, to honor the gifts this year has brought.

Whether you’ve joined before or this will be your first time, this challenge offers a gentle structure for turning gratitude into a daily rhythm. Each day brings a new focus, a new way to experience the world through appreciation and presence.

Because when we live in gratitude, we live in alignment. We create space for joy, connection, and peace to flourish.

✨ Let’s not just feel gratitude this season, let’s live it.

🌻 Ready to Begin?

Join me for Gratitude in Action: A 10-Day Challenge beginning November 16^th. Together, let’s make gratitude a way of life — one mindful moment at a time.

👉 Click here to sign up.  https://eclecticwell-being.com/

The post 🌾 Gratitude in Action: The Practice That Transforms appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

Do adults need to play?

If you had asked me a decade ago what adults needed more of, I might have said time, leadership skills, personal development, maybe even purpose. But after the year we all had in 2020, and after years of coaching people through burnout, reinvention, and transition, I’ve realized something so much deeper.

We don’t need more time.
We need to develop our skills and have a purpose, but that can’t be our only focus.
And we don’t just need rest in order to live more fully.

We need play.

Yes, adults. Grown-ups with jobs, children,to-do lists and aching backs. We need to play—just as much as children do, maybe even more.

In 2021, I created a little summer project called Explore Laugh Play.  It was 30 days to invigorate one’s spirit through play. Explore Laugh Play was my attempt to help us all find our way back to joy after a year of so much uncertainty and grief. I thought we needed a break. We needed time to enjoy life. Be free.

What I didn’t realize was that we were also missing a fundamental part of our well-being.

What I Learned: Play Isn’t Optional. It’s Essential

That first year, I began to see it in myself, in Mark, and in the clients and friends who joined the program: play isn’t just a nice way to pass the time. It’s a lifeline to mental and emotional wellness.

I recall going to our local park in NJ to make a short video on my phone to promote the program and running into the wife of my son’s best friend. At first, I was a little embarrassed. An almost 60 year old woman recording herself on the slide and swings while blowing bubbles! She asked me what I was doing. I explained to her the program and she smiled! She seemed to think it was a great idea and something we all needed. It was then, I knew I was on  to something.

Play supports everything from mood to memory, from relationships to resilience.

🧠 Neuroscience tells us that play strengthens our prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for decision-making, planning, and emotional regulation.

💛 Studies show that play reduces cortisol levels, improves social bonding, and even helps us recover from trauma.

📚 The National Institute for Play reports that regular play helps adults stay more optimistic, flexible, and emotionally connected. PsychCentral adds that it can foster better problem-solving skills and reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety.

In short: play makes us feel young. It ignites our curiosity and innocence.

But What Is Play for Adults?

Play isn’t just about toys or games. Play doesn’t have to be planned or intentional.

What is PLAY when you’re an adult?

Play is anything that brings joy, spontaneity, creativity, and lightness into your life.

It might be:

• Dancing while you cook
• Making up stories with your grandkids
• Hiking a trail with no destination in mind
• Singing loudly in the car
• Doing something just for the joy of it—not for achievement or approval

Play is any activity where the goal is the experience itself. Not productivity. Not performance. Just presence.

And that’s where the transformation happens.

Why Adults Resist Play—And Why We Shouldn’t

Somewhere along the line, we were taught that play is just for kids. That if we’re not being productive, we’re wasting time. Silliness and joy should be saved for vacations and earned after hard work.

But that’s not what the science says.

And that’s not what our hearts say either.

Adults who give themselves permission to play on a regular basis report feeling more connected to others, more creative in their work, and more emotionally resilient in the face of stress. They sleep better. Laugh more. When life throws a curveball, they bounce back faster. They are resilient and we know resiliency promotes better mental health and well-being.

Those who make time to play, live more fully.

Why I’m Bringing Explore Laugh Play Back Again For Year #5

Every summer since 2021, Mark and I have come back to this simple truth: when we make space for play, everything else in life feels lighter. Problems seem more manageable. Our connection deepens. Our perspective shifts. And joy becomes something we don’t have to chase—it’s right there in our ordinary moments.

That’s why this summer, we’re once again inviting you to join us in Explore Laugh Play.

But we’re making it even easier.

Instead of a daily commitment, we’ll send just one playful prompt every Saturday morning from the first day of summer—June 21—through August 30, the Saturday of Labor Day weekend.

Each email will give you something to try, reflect on, or enjoy—on your own or with someone you love. No pressure. No perfection. Just presence. Just play.

Because the truth is: the world needs more playful grown-ups.
And so do our families.
And so do our hearts.

What You Gain When You Choose to Play

It’s one thing to say “play is good for you,” but what does that actually mean? What happens when you intentionally bring more play into your daily life?

Let’s talk about the real benefits—because play is not just about feel-good fluff. The benefits are life-changing and science backed:

🧠 Sharper Thinking & Better Problem Solving:

Play stimulates the brain in a way that boosts creativity, curiosity, and flexible thinking. Studies show that playful adults are better at adapting to change and thinking outside the box—critical skills when facing life’s inevitable twists and turns.

💞 Stronger, Healthier Relationships:

Play is a powerful connector. Whether it’s sharing laughter with a partner, goofing off with a friend, or playing a silly game with your grandkids, these moments deepen intimacy and build trust. Play fosters emotional safety, improves communication, and helps resolve conflict with less tension.

💆 Less Anxiety, More Calm:

When we’re in a playful state, our stress hormones—especially cortisol—go down. Just a few minutes of joyful activity can shift your mood, relax your nervous system, and remind your brain that it’s safe to breathe again. In fact, incorporating playful practices has been shown to reduce symptoms of anxiety and even help with mild depression.

🧓 Protects Cognitive Health & Reduces Dementia Risk:

Yes, really. Engaging regularly in playful, mentally stimulating activities helps preserve memory and executive functioning. Research cited by the American Journal of Play and NPR shows that adults who continue to play—especially socially—maintain better brain health and lower their risk of cognitive decline.

When you choose to play, you’re not stepping away from personal growth—you’re stepping into a version of it that’s more sustainable, joyful, and deeply effective.

This isn’t just about fun (though fun is part of it!).
It’s about living with more vitality, more ease, and more connection.

How to Join

If you’re ready to bring more lightness into your life, more laughter into your weekend, and more resilience into your routines, this program is for you.

It’s completely free. No catch. Just an open-hearted invitation.

👉 https://www.eclecticwellbeing.com/explorelaughplay2025

Let this summer be the one where you don’t just survive—you thrive.

You deserve joy. You deserve connection.
And yes—you absolutely deserve to play.

It starts this Saturday! Sign Up Now!

The post Why Adults Need to Play: Reclaiming Joy, One Moment at a Time appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

I’m going through one of those times now. As Mark recovers, the weight of keeping everything in balance has been pressing down on me. I’ve longed to get out and soak in the fall colors, but instead, I’ve been at home managing daily demands. And while I know the tools to lift myself up, I also know that finding a way back to peace takes time.

Depression affects so many. In fact, about 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. experience mental health struggles each year. We’re not alone in these feelings. What I know is this: life isn’t always bright, but in the dimmest times, there are ways to find a flicker of light.

For anyone else who may be feeling low, I’d like to share a few ways to move through it, not as a cure-all. But as gentle reminders that these feelings are temporary, and hope is always around the corner. And while I know all the tools to lift myself up—the practices I teach and believe in—they’re not a quick fix. But when we commit to using them, these practices gently start to work, helping us shift our mindset, and inviting light back into the dimmest days.

If you’re feeling down too, here are a few things we can try together:

Finding Light in the Small Things

Gratitude can feel like a buzzword. But it truly has transformative power.  Gratitude has the power to shift our perspective, especially when it feels like nothing is going your way, when life feels challenging. It doesn’t magically make everything better, but it does help see the good that’s still there.

Lately, I’ve found myself grounding in small, simple things, like a warm cup of cacao tea, something I picked up last spring during our retreat to Costa Rica.  These moments may seem minor, but they’re a reminder that beauty still exists all around us, even in difficult times.

I also tune into Grateful by Nimo Patel, a beautiful song that has become a sort of anthem for me when things seem to be going in the wrong direction. If you haven’t heard it, it’s worth a listen. It echoes this very truth: “The gift to realize that everything is a gift.”.

Do you want to amplify your gratitude muscle with me and learn to invoke gratitude more often, consider joining my upcoming 10-Day Gratitude Challenge starting November 19. This challenge will include ten days of guided activities designed to strengthen our ability to be grateful for all aspects of our lives, even the challenging ones. Gratitude takes practice, and this challenge is a perfect way to start building that muscle.  This will be 10 days of practicing gratitude in new and fun ways. It ends on Thanksgiving, a day set aside just to simply practice gratitude.

When we pause to appreciate what we have—especially during hard times—we create a little more space for hope. Gratitude isn’t about ignoring our struggles; it’s about balancing the scales. Finding  one or two small things to appreciate can shift our perspective, even if just a little. When we practice gratitude regularly, it becomes a habit that, over time, naturally softens our more challenging emotions.

Remembering That Feelings Are Temporary

Mindfulness reminds us that no feeling, however heavy, is permanent. Feelings come and go, like waves on the shore. We don’t always have control over the waves, but we can learn to observe them, knowing they’re temporary. Things may not be going your way today, but in an instance things can change.

One of the core teachings in mindfulness is learning to sit with our emotions without judgment. When we label feelings as “bad,” we amplify their intensity. But when we simply observe them, we start to see them as passing waves. It’s okay to feel low—these feelings don’t define us. They are simply part of being human.

This realization has been such a comfort. Feelings of stress, sadness, or hopelessness can feel so consuming in the moment, but practicing mindfulness allows me to step back and notice that they will pass. The next day, I have a chance to start anew, with new energy and a new perspective. And even if that day is tough too, each morning brings with it the possibility for change.

Mindfulness gives us a gentle reminder that it’s okay to feel down. The key is not to judge those feelings or get caught up in them as if they define us. They are just part of the human experience—passing clouds that eventually make way for the sun.

Practicing mindfulness daily doesn’t require a big commitment. Sometimes it’s as simple as taking a deep breath and noticing how you’re feeling. You might try sitting with your coffee for a few minutes, just tasting it and feeling its warmth. It sounds simple, but moments like this remind us to slow down and bring awareness to the present.

Rewiring Our Thought Patterns

Meditation has been a refuge for me, a place to quiet the chaos and reset my mindset. When life feels overwhelming, meditation helps create some space, allowing me to step out of negative thought loops and find calm. For anyone who feels stuck in their mind, meditation can be transformative. It’s about seeing those thoughts for what they are and learning to release them.

When things aren’t going our way, when we’re caught in a cycle of worry or doubt, it can be difficult to see past it. Meditation allows us to pause, take a breath, and create some mental space. It’s not about eliminating all negative thoughts; it’s about changing our relationship with them.

As I sit in meditation, I focus on my breath, letting go of my need to “fix” anything right away. It’s in these moments of quiet that I find a sense of calm and clarity, helping me to release the grip of negative thoughts and shift into a more hopeful mindset. I only sit for a few minutes, but a few minutes is better than 0 minutes. And I know my mind appreciates those moments.

If you’re curious about starting or deepening your meditation practice, I’m offering a Mind and Meditation Series at Lake Michigan College this November. This series is about more than just meditation; it’s a space to learn how to work with our thoughts, to redirect them, and ultimately, to invite peace back into our minds. Meditation has been my go-to these past few weeks, giving me a much-needed mental reset when the world right now feels chaotic. Not in Michigan? It’s also available digitally on our website, https://eclecticwell-being.com/programs/.

Finding Healing Right in Our Own Backyards

There’s something deeply healing about being in nature when nothing seems to be going our way. Studies have shown that simply immersing ourselves in the natural world, spending time outdoors, has been shown to reduce stress, improve mood, and increase feelings of well-being.

It’s not just a poetic idea; studies have proven that spending time in nature lowers cortisol levels, reduces blood pressure, and even boosts our immune system. Even if you can’t escape to the woods, simply spending a few minutes outside the house can make a difference.

I’ve found solace in my own backyard. Though I’ve longed to get away and see the vibrant fall foliage, I’ve instead found little moments of peace by observing the trees, listening to the birds, and taking in the crisp air. Even just sitting outside with my chickens or walking around my garden reminds me of the gentle, natural rhythms of life. The Japanese practice of shinrin-yoku, or forest bathing, encourages us to immerse ourselves in nature using all our senses. Nature doesn’t rush; it simply grows and changes, and so can we.

Incorporating These Practices 

These practices—gratitude, mindfulness, meditation, and nature—are at the heart of my coaching practice. It is what I bring to every DREAM Retreat. Our yearly DREAM Retreats are something I look forward to. And looking forward to something special is a great way to break our moments of depression. Each retreat is a space to reconnect with ourselves and these essential tools, giving us time to restore and reimagine our lives. Next year we’ll bring the DREAM Process to Italy, where we’ll immerse ourselves in beautiful surroundings, reconnect with nature, and embrace moments of reflection and gratitude. Italy’s landscape will be the perfect backdrop for this journey, as we come together to find new clarity, calm, and empowerment. Just thinking of this transformative experience has my spirits uplifting!

If you’re feeling weighed down by life, I invite you to explore Il Dolce Viaggio; The Sweet Journey. It’s not a magic wand, but these retreats can be life-changing!  They provide a roadmap that leads to a more empowered and fulfilled life.

The Power of Patience and Small Steps

I’m not “up” for everything today, and maybe you’re not either. And that’s okay. Manifesting a positive life isn’t about denying the hard times when things aren’t going your way; it’s about finding ways to walk through them, one step at a time. If you’re in a rough spot, know that you’re not alone. Take it one day, one moment, one breath at a time.

In the end, I know that this isn’t about forcing myself to feel better instantly. Moving through difficult times is a process, and it requires patience. I remind myself daily that these tools take time—they’re not immediate cures, but gentle supports that lift us, day by day, toward brighter moments.

If you’re feeling down, take a moment to breathe. Find something small to be grateful for. Step outside, even if just for a minute, to feel the cool air or notice a plant blooming. Remember that every feeling, no matter how heavy, will pass. And if you’re looking for more structure, consider joining our Gratitude Challenge or the Mind and Meditation Series. Together, we’ll explore these practices and build the resilience we need to navigate life’s ups and downs.

We all face tough days. But with small, intentional steps, we can find ways to manage the load and manifest hope. Remember, this too shall pass. 🌱

The post Manifest Monday: When nothing is going your way… by Kathi Szabo appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

The Science of Manifesting

So, how did I arrive at the idea of manifesting as a science experiment? Well, today I received my weekly email from Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, one of my favorite books. In it, he shared a quote that resonated with me deeply: “Beliefs are theories. Actions are experiments. Emotions are feedback. Life is a science and its objective is growth.” This quote reframed how I think about life—an ongoing process of discovery, where the objective is not to get everything right but to test, learn, and adjust.

Manifesting works the same way. It’s about taking consistent steps toward our goals, refining as we go, and allowing feedback from our emotions to guide us. By thinking of life as a science experiment, we gain clarity on how manifesting truly works—and how we can use it to create a life we love.

Beliefs: The Foundation for Manifestation

Everything starts with our beliefs, which are essentially decisions we make based on our perspectives. However, as Manson points out, beliefs are not set in stone; they are theories we hold at a given time. Even the strongest of beliefs can be tested, refined, or even replaced as we gather new experiences.

Think of it this way: when we make a decision—whether it’s about a career change, a new relationship, or even how we perceive ourselves—we are putting that belief to the test. Some decisions will align with what we want, while others may lead to outcomes we hadn’t anticipated.

But here’s the key: decisions are not final answers. Instead, they are hypotheses, just like in a scientific experiment. When you decide on something, you’re essentially saying, I think this will bring me closer to what I want, and then you move forward to test that theory. Many of us hesitate to make decisions out of fear of making the wrong one. However, every decision, whether successful or not, is an opportunity to learn and grow.

Actions: Testing Our Theories

Once you’ve made a decision, the next step is to take action. This is where the real experimentation begins. Every action you take is a test, a way to see how your decision plays out in the real world.

For instance, if you decide to start a new project or take up a long-desired hobby, that decision alone isn’t enough to manifest your desired outcome. You need to follow it with action. Manifesting isn’t about sitting and hoping for things to change; it’s about taking steps to bring that change into reality. Even small, incremental actions, like attending a workshop or setting aside time for your goal, are crucial. James Clear’s Atomic Habits emphasizes how small, consistent actions can lead to significant outcomes, and it’s a perfect reminder that manifesting requires momentum.

Through these actions, you are testing your decisions. Some actions will feel aligned, bringing you closer to your goal, while others might not feel right. That’s part of the experiment! The key is to take those missteps in stride, viewing them as valuable feedback rather than failures.

Emotions: The Ultimate Feedback Loop

So, how do we know if we’re on the right path? That’s where emotions come in. In this scientific approach to life, emotions act as feedback systems, signaling whether our actions are leading us toward or away from our desired outcome.

Positive emotions—such as joy, excitement, and peace—are signs that you’re on track. These emotions confirm that your actions align with your true desires and that your decisions are working in your favor.

On the other hand, negative emotions are not bad; they are simply feedback, telling you that something might be off. Whether it’s stress, frustration, or disappointment, these emotions highlight areas that need reevaluation. For example, if you’ve taken on a new job and feel constantly drained, that’s your emotions signaling a need for reassessment. Maybe it’s the job itself, the work culture, or even the commute that’s causing this reaction.

Instead of avoiding or fearing negative emotions, use them as signals to pause and reflect. Ask yourself, Why am I feeling this way? and What adjustments can I make? This emotional feedback is crucial to the process of creating a life that feels authentic and fulfilling.

Growth: The Objective of Life

At the heart of manifesting is growth. It’s about continuously moving toward a life that aligns more closely with who we are and what we want. The process isn’t linear—there will be setbacks, challenges, and moments of doubt—but that’s all part of the experiment.

When you experience positive emotions, celebrate them as confirmation that you’re moving in the right direction. When you encounter negative emotions, embrace them as learning opportunities. They provide the insight necessary for making adjustments and course corrections along the way.

Remember, you are the scientist of your own life, and growth is the ultimate objective. Each belief, each action, and each emotion provides valuable data, guiding you toward a more fulfilling existence.

The Simple Formula for Creating a Life You Love

Ultimately, manifesting a life you love boils down to this simple formula:

1. Decide – Make decisions based on what you believe will bring you happiness and fulfillment. Don’t worry about getting it “right.” There is no single correct answer, only decisions that either bring you closer to your desires or steer you away. Every decision is an opportunity to learn.
2. Take Action – Once you’ve made a decision, take action. Even small steps are necessary to test how that decision plays out. This is where you begin to see if your beliefs are aligned with your reality. No action means no feedback, so movement is key.
3. Listen to Your Emotions – As you take action, notice how you feel. Positive emotions tell you that you’re moving in the right direction. Negative emotions signal areas that need adjustment. Both are essential for guiding your path.

Manifesting a life you love isn’t about achieving perfection; it’s about engaging in a continuous process of growth. By testing your beliefs, taking action, and listening to your emotions, you refine your path and get closer to living the life of your dreams.

In the end, life is a science experiment, and its objective is growth. To create the life you love, all you need to do is decide, act, and listen to your emotions.

by Kathi Szabo

The post What is the Science of Manifesting? appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

With the same results each time: Lose a little bit of weight on the diet. Get tired of the diet because it’s impossible to maintain for whatever reason. Go back to “normal food” and slowly gain back the weight lost, plus a little bit to add more motivation next year.

It doesn’t really add motivation though, does it? It’s more like adjusting to the new normal and seeing how long it takes before new clothing becomes mandatory because the old clothes are too tight now.

And that’s the whole cycle. Get tired of being too heavy, go on a diet, lose a bit of weight, gain it all back, and try again next year. So many people experience this that there’s even a term for it.

Yo-yo dieting.

So-named because that’s what happens to the weight. It bobs up and down, slowly but steadily climbing a bit higher over the course of the year, until we decide to do something about it, then it drops, and begins to climb all over again.

I suppose we could also have called it “itsy-bitsy spider dieting,” as the spider seems as persistent as that yo-yo.

Regardless of what we call it though, living through it feels demoralizing.

Year after year, sometimes more than once per year, we put ourselves through this. Consistently trying to get onto the other side of the scale, where the numbers go down and stay down.

But they don’t. We watch the mirror in horror as our face swells to the point that we no longer see any family resemblance. We are now the generic “fat person” background character in someone else’s movie.

Why is getting healthy so hard? Why do we have to struggle like this?

Some people can’t take it any longer and resort to drastic medical measures, like having their stomachs stapled so they physically can’t eat as much food. And sometimes that doesn’t work either!

Can you imagine undergoing surgery in an effort to lose weight, and still have it fail?

Now the medical community is even armed with shots to help lose weight. These products are brand-new. Has there been a long-term study on their effects on the body? Will we be watching TV in 2036 and seeing ads for, “If you used MiracleDrug and are now experiencing symptoms of disintegrating liver [or some long list of other possible horrible ailments] YOU MAY BE ENTITLED TO COMPENSATION!” Time will tell.

Why does getting healthy have to be so darned hard?

What if it wasn’t? What if all you needed to do to become the healthy version of yourself is eat and move a bit?

That sounds like fantasy, doesn’t it? Yet for millions of people, it’s reality.

No, there’s no accompanying magic pill to take that makes all of your consumed calories disappear. Likewise, there’s no special food, instant meals, or shake packages. You can literally eat the foods you enjoy, move your body in whatever way you can, and watch the scale go in reverse.

Yes, you do need to move your body. Does that mean hours upon hours of standing-in-place cardio sessions? Nope.

I was skeptical too when I came across this method.

I thought the only way to lose weight and get into shape was to spend a lifetime at the gym, drinking kale smoothies, and eating bland, flavorless “health” food.

Yet I made pork tacos with Spanish Rice for dinner last night, and every Friday night is Pizza Night.

I’m also a chocoholic. I eat chocolate every single day, and I typically end each day with ice cream.

Yet I dropped from 240 down to 168 eating just like this.

Mind you, I didn’t stay at 168 for more than a month or so. People started telling me I was looking “too thin,” so I tweaked my plan a bit and popped up to 183, where I’ve been holding steady since 2020.

So, what do you need to do to make this work for yourself? To answer that, I created a whole year-long immersion program.

During that program, I go over the nine core competencies that everyone must master to live a full and healthy life. None of them are hard, but it’s likely that you’re not doing all nine in the right way at the moment.

I know I sure wasn’t! That’s why, even though I was working out like a madman at the gym, I wasn’t seeing the results I wanted on the scale, or on my body for that matter.

After making these small tweaks, though, everything changed. It really does feel like magic! It took me several decades to pack on all that weight, but once I really got into it, that fat just melted right off in months.

While learning the nine core competencies, I also help my clients to incorporate them into their lives, so that they really start living them and embodying them. After that, I celebrate with them each month as the scale begins to drop, they buy a new outfit in a smaller size, their clothes start to fit how they want them to fit, and they start to admire their own reflection again.

Will it work for you?

Let’s find out! Schedule a call with me to discuss your situation, and if you think it makes sense for us to work together, we will 😊 If not, no worries. I want to work with clients who want my help. Is that you? Click the link below:

Visit: https://www.eclecticwellbeing.com/Mark1-2-1

The post Why is Getting Healthy so Hard? appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

For me, that was my health.

As a young man, I was actually happy to be putting on weight. I was working out like mad, and attributed the gains to be my workout, working. I was ecstatic when I finally broke 200!

There was that beer gut that developed in the process… But when an older (probably in his 30’s at the time), male bartender told me, “A wise man builds a shed for his tools,” I accepted the gut as a normal part of manhood and pressed on.

It didn’t stop though. I increased the intensity of my workouts, and I got fairly strong, for a nerdy kid who weighed 135 throughout high school. Yet the gut kept growing.

Then it began to spread. Now it wasn’t just my gut that was expanding, fat was spreading into my face. My cheeks and neck began to swell. It got to the point where I felt like I didn’t really have “my” face anymore. There was now more of a generally round, “fat guy” face where mine used to be.

The legs and arms began to fill as well. It didn’t matter how much I worked out. I was still getting stronger, the muscles were still getting bigger; but, there were no “cuts,” no definition to anything. People started telling me, “you look like you used to work out.”

Ouch. No one who works out wants to hear that they look like they used to look good.

I decided that I had done enough bulking, it was time to cut.

So, how do I lose a bunch of fat, really fast? At the time, Dr. Atkins was all the rage, so I jumped on board. Zero-carb, high fat, all protein, all day. I made it about two weeks, but hey, I dropped 15 pounds!

And then 20 pounds crept back on throughout the rest of the year.

I kept thinking, “if only I could keep this up for longer…” so the next year I pushed harder, with about the same results.

I tried again the following year, same thing happened. Diet tech improvements came along. Now they have a powder that “gets you back into ketosis when you fall out of it.”

For the uninitiated, “ketosis” is the target state of the Atkins approach. This means that there will be “ketone bodies” present in the urine that can be detected by peeing on a special test strip. These ketone bodies only show up in the urine under special circumstances.

One of those situations is kidney failure, which we definitely want to avoid.

The other, is when we’ve exhausted our supply of available glucose for fuel to trick our body into thinking we’re starving so it switches to burning off our fat reserves.

If you’ve never done Atkins before, it takes a good 3 days for you to burn off your existing glucose stores before your body reluctantly switches into ketosis (fat-burning mode via simulated starvation). Once you’re in ketosis, your body is constantly burning up your fat reserves. But, any amount of carbs you ingest will throw you out of it, leaving you waiting for your body to burn those carbs off to get back into ketosis.

Ah! But now we have this Miracle Powder that will get you right back into ketosis! Of course I tried it. I don’t really know if it didn’t work, or if I used it as a means to sneak carbs in here and there, but the net result was that it was less effective than Atkins alone.

This is where the “low-carb” craze came from. The idea is that if you can just eat very low carbs, your body will choose to burn off fat. Except that, the body doesn’t work like that. If it has glucose to burn as fuel, it’s going to burn that glucose as fuel. And when it has an excess of glucose, it will store the balance as fat for later use.

Long story short: Atkins doesn’t work! Or rather, it is an effective tool at removing fat very quickly, for a short period of time. Which is exactly what Dr. Atkins intended! He pioneered this method as a means to reduce enough fat in people to allow them to safely undergo surgery.

Atkins was never meant to be used as a long-term approach to overall health.

Great 😧 now what? Looking for a more modern approach, I tried Intermittent Fasting.

Typically, this involves squeezing all of your eating for the day into a narrow window. For example, maybe only eating between the hours of 4 pm to 8 pm. If you’ve never tried this before, you’ll probably be cranky and hungry up until that four o’clock mark, then bloated as you try to compress 3000 calories into one reasonably healthy meal, after which you’ll probably go to bed hungry.

Now, I’m not saying Intermittent Fasting doesn’t work. There are many people who swear by it. And in fact, I found it an excellent means by which to maintain my body composition levels (meaning my lean mass to fat mass ratio.) It wasn’t very effective, for me though, at reducing my existing fat levels.

There are, of course, variations on this theme. I’ve described what many people call the OMAD method, or One Meal A Day. My mother uses this method effectively to maintain her health in her mid-70’s now.

You could also use a larger window and eat two meals a day. This is a great way to go for people who don’t feel hungry in the morning when they wake up. No problem! Skip breakfast and start with lunch.

I’ve done this before myself too, but not to effectively drop fat pounds.

Then there’s the complete opposite approach: Eating numerous, albeit small, meals throughout the day. I’ve done this one as well. The concept here is to not allow yourself to get hungry, keeping your body processing food all day long, and burning up the energy as you go so it won’t get stored as fat.

For me, this was eating small meals every three hours or so. When I say small, I mean a can of tuna fish and some crackers, or a pair of hard-boiled eggs and half a slice of bread. Just enough food to keep you going to your next eating window, spaced about three hours apart.

Basically, you’re eating all day long, maybe as much as seven times a day, depending on when you wake and sleep. It’s a LOT of eating. And if you work in an office, your coworkers may get annoyed with you and your stinky tuna cans. How effective was it? Well, I definitely bulked up, but still had a hard time cutting the fat.

And then I tried the “stupid” diets. You know the ones I mean. Where they sound way too stupid to actually work. Things like, “the all-cabbage diet,” or “the carnivore diet,” or even, the “paleo diet.” Did they work? Meh, they’re basically all variations of the Atkins theme. So yes, they worked in the short term, but were too hard to maintain to make a meaningful difference.

There I was, after literal decades of trying and failing every diet I could think of. My insurmountable task proving itself to be a formidable foe. What do you do when you’ve tried everything you can think of, and NOTHING has worked?

You get help.

In 2020, that’s exactly what I did. I decided to get to the bottom of what the heck I was doing wrong to my health. I paid money to learn how to get healthy.

And you know what? I found out it wasn’t a single really big mistake I was making. There were dozens of little ones. In fact, when I sat down and thought about all of the things that I’m doing now, that I wasn’t doing then, there were over 100 differences!

Now I’ve made it my mission to help as many people as possible to make these little changes in their lives, because it adds up to big results!

No more dieting! I have no need to go on a diet now, because I’m already at my ideal weight. All I need to do is eat and move, and my body composition takes care of itself.

Want to know if I can help you, too? Hit the link below and let’s find out!

Visit: https://www.eclecticwellbeing.com/Mark1-2-1

The post How do I get to Where I Want to Be? appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

Have you ever let some small thing totally derail your day? This used to happen to me all the time when I would “try” to eat healthy. Like, when ordering breakfast, I’d absent-mindedly have grabbed, paid for, then consumed an entire chocolate chip muffin with my morning coffee.

It’s not the muffin that’s bad, it’s what happens after eating it. Guilt. Shame. Beating yourself up for being a “bad eater.” And then the absolute worst thing happens: “Well, now this whole day is shot. I might as well eat all of the stuff I know I’m not allowed to eat.”

It isn’t the all-or-nothing mindset. It’s believing that we must be 100% perfect all the time, or it means we’re bad.

No. Don’t do that to yourself.

Instead, make a game out of it.

See how many “good” meals you can get in a row before eating something “bad.”

When I started, it was 2 meals. Mainly because I was eating those chocolate chip muffins for breakfast every day. For lunch and dinner I did pretty good.

Once I decided to start making breakfast healthier, my “good” streak stretched to 5. Now I was eating the muffins every other day. Progress!

Over time, that streak got longer and longer. Now, I’ve stopped keeping track, but it’s probably around 30 healthy meals in a row before I have an ice cream sundae, or a candy bar, or heck, maybe even a chocolate chip muffin.

Thinking along these lines is a much healthier mindset to have.

We are not one meal; nor are we one day. We are the culmination of all the foods we’ve eaten over the course of months.

With that in mind, what do you want to become?

Will you be made from fresh fruits and vegetables, lean cuts of meat, legumes, mushrooms, and other whole foods? Or will it be from whatever the ingredients are in the factory processed entrees waiting in the freezer?

I decided to live on the healthy side. How about you?

Bear in mind, it wasn’t an overnight shift. I was living on freezer goodies for years. Burritos, supreme pizzas, taquitos, chicken wings, were all lunch staples. If I ran out for lunch, it was a double quarter pounder with cheese, large fries and a chocolate shake. Or maybe a Mexican pizza, two tacos supreme, and a chicken burrito supreme, with a large Baja Blast Mountain Dew. Quite frequently it was also the Chinese Buffett.

Every time I tried to 180° my diet into health, I failed miserably.

I thought I was the problem. What else could it have been?

Turns out, it’s basic human psychology. Our brains don’t like too much change all at once.

“Don’t like,” is probably too soft a term here. It’s more like “everything is crazy! Which way is up? How do I get out of here?”

And that’s exactly what happens. The brain feels like it’s been thrown into chaos, and the subconscious mind takes over.

You can’t fight the subconscious mind.

The subconscious mind will always drive you to do the things you’ve told it you want to do. And in this case, the drive is back to “normality.”

At my most unhealthy state, I was eating all of the unhealthy things I mentioned above, while snacking on chips with sour cream-based dip, and washing it down with soda, beer, or coffee, depending on time of day.

And I had the bloodwork to show for it! I was still in my 30’s when my doctor put me on blood pressure and cholesterol meds.

My first wake-up call was when my cousin Marty passed away from a sudden heart attack at 42.

Then Mom’s reaction was, “oh, the 40-year curse got him.” To which I immediately retorted, “the 40-year what now?”

As it happened, the men on my mother’s side of the family had a history of dropping dead from sudden heart attacks in their early 40’s(!)

One of the other things these men all had in common?

Horrible eating habits. Just like me.

Now I was at a point where I knew I needed to change, because not changing was likely to kill me. I was already on meds. My triglycerides were off the charts. (Seriously, the chart ended at 500 and mine were in the 800’s!) My cholesterol numbers were upside-down. My arteries were probably already starting to harden and choke off.

But every time I tried to get healthy, I failed right back to where I started.

What I wound up doing, just happened to be the correct thing to do. I decided to start small.

I switched to black coffee, then I stopped drinking soda. That’s at least two meals every day where I wasn’t drinking empty calories.

Holy cow, did that make a difference!

I went from 240 down to 220 in what seemed to be an instant, but in reality was several months.

My face started to look more like a face again, instead of the generic roundness I had become accustomed to. My 38 pants that I had been debating about taking up to 40’s were now more comfortable to wear.

That little change alone went a long way, but it wasn’t enough to get me down under 220.

I tried to weightlift my way into health, thinking I would burn off all of the extra calories I didn’t need. In this, I became stronger; but the scale didn’t seem to want to budge.

I cut way back on those frozen entrees I had been eating for lunch and got into the 205 range.

It wasn’t until I got serious and studied the nutritional principles that I now coach that I was able to get properly lean.

None of it is hard! In fact, I like to tell my clients that I help them fail their way to success.

Would you like to have a conversation with me to see if I might be able to help you?

This link will let you look at my calendar to see if there’s any time where our schedules align. If there is, go ahead and book the Can I Help You Call 😊 I’ll take it from there.

https://www.eclecticwellbeing.com/Mark1-2-1

The post Game Your Way Into Health appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

Last week, one of our favorite networking events graced us with its presence once again. This particular monthly meet-up always fills us with joy and excitement. It’s casual, fun and we’ve come to know many of the other business owners.

As the evening unfolded, warmth permeated the air, mingling with the lively chatter and the melodious clinking of glasses. While I navigated through familiar faces and introduced myself to new faces, Mark found himself engrossed in conversation with a retired counselor. I recall sharing with him earlier in the evening the essence of what I do—helping individuals navigate life’s twists and turns, empowering them to embrace change and create a life they love. Later at home, Mark relayed to me, that amidst their conversation, the question emerged:

“What qualifies Kathi to provide counseling?”

As Mark recounted this exchange to me, we both found it disconcerting. How could someone ingrained in the realm of assisting others, still harbor misconceptions about our role as coaches? This question was a poignant reminder of the gap that often exists between the perceptions of coaching and counseling. So, let’s embark into the heart of coaching, and explore the facets that set it apart from counseling.

At its core, coaching is about propelling you forward. Igniting the fires of progress. And nurturing personal growth. Whereas, counseling often delves into past traumas and mental health diagnoses. In contrast, coaching is forward-focused. It’s about harnessing the power of the present moment to craft a brighter future.

As seasoned coaches, our mission is clear—to guide you toward clarity, purpose, and resilience amidst life’s challenges. We delve into your current mindset, thoughts, and emotions. And we ask probing questions that pave the way for self-discovery and empowerment. Through this process, you’re not just a passive participant. In contrast, you’re an active architect of your destiny. Equipped with the tools to navigate life’s complexities with confidence and grace.

Here’s where the magic of coaching truly comes alive.

Empowerment Through Self-Discovery

Coaching is a collaborative voyage of self-exploration and empowerment. It’s akin to setting sail on an exhilarating journey of self-discovery. A quest to unearth the treasure trove of your unique strengths, talents, and virtues. Through tools such as the VIA Character Strengths assessment, we shine a spotlight on the jewels within you. Illuminating the facets of your character that make you truly extraordinary.

As we navigate the vast expanse of your inner landscape, we clarify your aspirations. The threads of your dreams are untangled. We chart a course toward the horizon of your aspirations.

Imagine yourself adrift in a sea of uncertainty. Enveloped by the dense fog of indecision and ambiguity. Coaching serves as the guiding beacon that pierces through the mist. Casting light upon the hidden contours of your path. With newfound clarity, you’re no longer at the mercy of the turbulent tides. Instead, you stand poised at the helm, empowered to steer your ship toward the shores of your destiny.

As we navigate the seas of uncertainty, gone are the days of feeling adrift or directionless. We continue onward, harnessing the winds of change to propel you toward the shores of your dreams. With each step forward, you’re not merely chasing after your aspirations—you’re embodying them. Breathing life into your boldest visions, and sculpting a reality that mirrors the brilliance of your soul.

Mindset Mastery

The power of mindset is not just influential; it’s foundational. Mindset forms the bedrock upon which your reality is built. Every desire, aspiration, and every dream you harbor, they are all intricately intertwined with the landscape of your mindset.

As staunch advocates of its transformative potential, we recognize that mindset isn’t just a facet of your journey. It’s the very essence of it. Together, we embark on a profound exploration of the terrain of your thoughts and beliefs. This leads us to challenging the barriers of limiting beliefs, cultivating resilience, and nurturing a mindset of abundance and possibility.

With the right mindset, every goal becomes attainable. Every dream is within reach. Whether you’re striving to shed a few pounds, launch your own business, or embark on a meaningful and purposeful retirement, (I like to call this stage of life “inspirement”), mindset is the linchpin that propels you toward success.

One of our own coaches taught us, “The brain is a goal-achieving machine.” Napoleon Hill, author of the infamous book, Think and Grow Rich, said it another way, “Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” Without a doubt, when you harness the mind’s formidable powers, the possibilities are limitless.

Tailored Support

Your journey through life is as unique as your fingerprint. Just as no two snowflakes are alike, no two paths toward fulfillment are identical. For the same reason, our coaching approach is not a one-size-fits-all solution. It’s a bespoke tapestry woven to reflect your individual needs, desires, and aspirations. Like skilled artisans, we carefully craft each session to align with your personal journey, ensuring that every step you take is a deliberate stride toward your chosen destination.

As coaches, Mark and I are simply guides on this odyssey of self-discovery and growth. Think of us as the compass that points you in the direction of your dreams. The map that charts the course of your aspirations. But here’s the beauty of it all—you are the captain of your ship. Indeed, you are the master of your destiny. We’re only here to empower you to steer the helm. To navigate the waters of change with confidence and clarity.

Our role as coaches is not to dictate your path or impose our agenda upon you. Instead, we provide you with a toolbox filled with an array of potent instruments. Tools for self-reflection. Other tools for goal-setting. And still other tools for mindset mastery. It’s up to you how you wield these tools. How you integrate them into the fabric of your life. We honor your autonomy, your agency, your sovereignty over your own destiny.

Holistic Well-Being

When it comes to well-being, the conventional approach often focuses solely on the physical body—diet, exercise, and medical check-ups. But, while these aspects are undoubtedly important, true holistic well-being extends far beyond. It encompasses the intricate interplay of mind, body, and spirit. Holistic Well-Being is undeniably a delicate dance of harmony and balance that reverberates throughout every facet of our lives.

This holistic perspective is where coaching shines brightest, setting it apart from traditional counseling or therapy. Whereas counseling may primarily address mental or emotional challenges, and therapy may delve into the depths of past traumas, coaching takes a broader view. Coaching encompasses the entirety of your being. In fact, our role is not to mend broken wings or soothe wounded souls. It’s to uplift, inspire, and empower you to soar to new heights of well-being and fulfillment.

Thus, our coaching philosophy is grounded in this holistic approach. Recognizing that true well-being arises from alignment and synergy across mind, body, spirit, and beyond. Imagine these facets of your being as the interlocking gears of a finely-tuned machine. Each gear essential to the smooth functioning of the whole. When one gear falls out of sync, it can throw the entire system into disarray. Similarly, when one aspect of your well-being is neglected or unbalanced, it can have ripple effects that reverberate throughout your life.

That’s why our coaching process is designed to address each of these interconnected areas with equal care and attention. We work with you to cultivate  clarity and emotional resilience. To nourish your body with wholesome nutrition and invigorating movement. And to nurture your spirit with practices that resonate with your soul’s deepest yearnings. By fostering alignment and synergy in these areas, we lay the foundation for a life of profound meaning and purpose.

Everyone Needs a Coach

Finally, as we reflect on the essence of coaching and its transformative power, it’s essential to revisit the distinction between coaching and counseling. While counseling delves into past traumas and therapy may focus on mental health diagnoses, coaching takes a proactive, forward-looking approach. Unquestionably, coaching empowers you to consciously create the life you love.

Consider this: athletes have coaches to refine their skills and optimize performance. Singers have coaches to hone their talents and amplify their voices. Similarly, coaching provides the accountability, guidance, and support you need to navigate life’s twists and turns with clarity and confidence. Coaching offers a beacon of light in the midst of uncertainty. Furthermore, it keeps you focused on your goals. It empowers you to overcome obstacles, and celebrates your victories along the way.

So, as you embark on your journey toward holistic well-being and personal growth, remember, coaching is not just for the elite few. On the contrary, it’s for every single person who dares to dream. Every person who aspires and embraces change. Undeniably, coaching is the compass that guides you toward your North Star. The catalyst that propels you toward your fullest potential.

If you’re ready to unlock the extraordinary within you, I invite you to take the first step. Schedule a Breakthrough Call today, and let’s embark on this extraordinary journey together. Your best life awaits—let’s make it happen.

The post From Dreams to Reality: Why Coaching Is Essential for Creating a Life You Love appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

Why do we worry?

For most of my life I tended to worry. I worried about money. I worried about being punctual. Heck, I worried about what people would think.

Worry as a verb is giving way to anxiety or unease. It’s letting the mind dwell on the difficulty of things that have happened as well as things that haven’t even happened.

Worry as a noun is that state of uncertainty over actual or potential problems.

Why do we worry?

It serves no purpose.

It solves nothing.

Why worry if it’s already happened?

And if it MAY happen, again, why worry?

Think about it, what happens when you worry? Me? I hear a voice in my head pointing out all the potentially bad things that could happen.  What if this and what if that?

Yes, what if I cross the street and get hit by a bus? I’m most likely dead. But do I worry when I cross the street? Of course not. I check for cars and buses and I consciously walk across the street.

So why when we are attempting other things, like a new job, moving across the country, or traveling to a new place, do we start worrying about all the potential things that could go wrong? Is it riskier? Maybe, but maybe not. Is it scarier? Perhaps.

Yet there is still no resolution when we worry.

Take for instance starting our Happy Herb Farm here at Eclectic Sanctuary.

There could be a lot to worry about. Is the soil in good condition? WIll the deer and rabbits eat our crops? What if we get an infestation? What if nothing comes up? My monkey mind could go on and on and on.

Now some of those issues are things I should think about. But thinking about something in order to develop a plan of action is not worrying. That’s what I call stratagizing or pondering.

There is an issue at hand, but we think about it to come up with a solution.

Is the soil in good condition? Worry would be having that thought and then thinking about all the things that could go wrong assuming it’s not in good condition. But if my monkey mind asks the question and I instead logically process this and with reasoning think, “I don’t know. Maybe we should get the soil tested.”

See the difference.

One train of thought takes control of the monkey mind and those ANTs, Automatic Negative Thoughts burrow in our heads so they fester. That festering becomes worrying. When we take the power of our mind away from the ANTs and the monkey mind, we can calmly and rationally think of solutions for whatever the potential problem may be.

Let’s look at another example.

Concern for those we love.

I’ve heard my mom say time and time again, “I’m worried about your brother.” Or, “I’m worried about Aunt Margie.” Or whoever is having issues at the time.

If we go to our definition of worrying as giving way to anxiety or unease, when we “worry” about those we love, we are doing nothing more than harming ourselves. Putting ourselves into a state of anxiety or unease doesn’t help the one we love.  Yet so many find themselves worrying about their children, their spouse, friends, or other family members.

“But if I’m not worried about them, doesn’t that mean I don’t care?”

Not at all! Worrying assumes that something bad is going to happen. It’s letting those ANTs take control. And ANTs are all about bad things happening. If we are worried about someone we love, we assume they can’t solve their own issues or problems. Is this helping anyone?

And allowing those excessive negative thoughts to continue can be detrimental to our own psyche and our own well-being.

So, what can you do when you are concerned about a loved one instead of worrying?

Be hopeful. Lend an ear. If they ask for help, ponder solutions with them. If they don’t ask for help, send them hope and love.

Worrying, whether about ourselves or others, is just not good for anyone!

Worrying focuses the mind on the exact things we don’t want to happen.

“Where focus goes, energy flows.”

A phrase linked to mindset guru, Tony Robbins. It’s true and there is science to back it up.

When we worry, our focus is on the negative. We are thinking about all the bad shit that could happen. And when we think negative thoughts, our mind is going to show us more of what we are thinking.

Think about this logically. Have you ever played a game where you were asked to look for all the things red in a room? For 30 seconds or so you focus on the room and everything that is red. But then you are asked, what color was the ceiling, and you have no idea because it wasn’t red. You were focused on the color red. Your mind showed you everything that was red, but it eliminated most of everything else.

The same thing happens when we worry. When we worry, we are focused on all the bad things that COULD happen but may not. In a way, we are telling our minds to look for all the bad shit and make it happen. We are telling it to look for the bad and not even notice the good that is right in front of us.

Wouldn’t it be better to focus on the positive things that could happen to our loved ones? To be hopeful and trust that they will work things out. And then provide space for them to find solutions?

Focus on the positive and you will find more positive.

Let It Go

I made a powerful decision when I started this mindset work to stop worrying. Worry would no longer be something I would do or a state I would allow myself in. I decided if I was unsure of something, I would either ponder active solutions, things I could control and do to ensure bad things didn’t happen. Or, if it was completely out of my hands, I would let it go.

It isn’t easy to just “let it go.” Sometimes, when I’m having issues letting go, I visualize Cher in Moonstruck stating “Snap out of it!” Tony Robbins believes this. That you can change your emotions in an instant! Tony’s split-second change of emotions doesn’t work for me. But I can change my thought patterns and let it go with a bit of work.

It requires work.

It starts with being mindful that I’m worrying about something I can do nothing to change. That observation of my thoughts, which we learn through meditation, is key. If we cannot observe that we are allowing our mind to go into patterns of negative thinking, we can’t stop it from doing so.

Start becoming aware of your thoughts, observing them, and then labeling them so you can recognize worry and separate it from pondering solutions.

Acknowledge the limiting belief that is causing the worry.

I love our new life in Michigan, but I wouldn’t be honest if I said relocating a business and starting a new business was easy-peasy! It’s hard. It’s scary. And there are some days my mind starts to worry.

But the limiting belief that is always the cause of the worrying is my scarcity mindset and the self-doubt that I’m not good enough.  No matter what I’m worrying about, it comes down almost always to one or both of these limiting beliefs.

This is where the work comes in! Changing those limiting beliefs into Powerful Decisions!

If you know me, you know that I believe that these limiting beliefs are just decisions that we have made in the past, and to change them, we simply make a new decision.

Beliefs and Decisions. They are the same thought pattern.

If you believe that family is important, you decide that family is important based on the evidence you mind shows you.

Same with climate change, a belief in God and everything else you believe.

Beliefs are decisions that our mind accepts as pure fact.  It is a neuro connection in the brain that is strong and is our default.

My scarcity mindset and the belief that I’m not good enough are my brain’s default. It’s a pattern that has been there for most of my life and even though I’ve done the work, those connections can reappear, especially when uncertainty shows up.

Break the pattern of Limiting Beliefs?

We change our neuro connections or how the brain thinks by using neuro sculpting.

This process is a practice I teach in the Total MindShift.  It does not happen overnight.  It is a practice. Just like Yoga. Just like Meditation.The same as a workout schedule.

When those limiting beliefs show up, I get to work. I notice the unintelligence of worrying. I make a new decision.  Then I find evidence, where the positive outcome has happened before.

Let’s take worrying about a loved one. My son was going through a difficult time last fall. I could have succumbed to worrying about him. I could have started thinking I was not a good enough mother. My scarcity mindset could have had me going in circles about how he could run out of money. But that would not do me or him any good.

What I could do was support him and help him find solutions. However, as a parent, when we hang up the phone, or they go home, we tend to ruminate about everything we just said, everything they just said, and it leads us to worry. To stop the worry, make a powerful decision, that they will be fine. They will manage through this. Then stack the evidence. Find times they struggled before, yet in the end things turned out ok. If there isn’t a lot of evidence, visualize a good outcome for them. Notice others who have struggled and managed through. This is all stacking the evidence. It stops the worry and keeps us focused on a positive outcome.

Powerful Mind

Today I can honestly say I spend far less time worrying and far more time strategizing solutions. It’s not that I never worry, I just don’t stay in that state of thinking for very long.

Our minds are more powerful than we know.  But when we let the monkey mind and worry take control, we give up the power to live the life we desire.

So the next time you find yourself worrying, stop and notice. Realign your focus to a positive outcome. And be like Elsa. “Let it go.”

The post Why Worry? appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

How often do you think about your mindset?

You may stop and take notice if you have a positive outlook or a negative outlook.

But is that mindset?

There’s a theory that there are two types of mindsets: growth and fixed.

A growth mindset is what many coaches and psychologists preach, to allow your mindset to develop and change with each experience.

The second is a belief that your strengths and beliefs are fixed and there is no way to change the way your brain processes information.

I can’t imagine anyone having a fixed mindset for their entire life. Maybe less growth and more stubbornness, but even the most stubborn people I know, can be influenced and change their minds. Look at jury trials. A juror comes in believing one thing and with the influence and arguments of his fellow jurors, changes those beliefs until a consensus is reached.

But I digress. Let’s get back to the question, what is mindset?

Merriam-Webster defines it as a mental attitude or inclination.

Dictionary.com states it as a fixed attitude, disposition, or mood.

The Collins English Dictionary refers to mindset as general attitudes and the way one typically thinks about things.

These all sound like they are describing the fixed mindset, don’t they?

So, if there is a difference between a fixed, stagnant mindset, and a growth mindset, one that is changing all the time, what is just mindset?

In my 5+ years now of studying mindset, learning from a variety of mindset leaders, I’ve come to my own way of defining mindset.

It’s how we process information and make decisions that influence our beliefs and actions.

How the Mind Works

Have you ever thought of your mind as if it were a computer? A computer receives data and through numerous if-then statements, it comes up with a way to process that information so that it is useful.  It becomes fact, like our beliefs. Depending on the program, the computer may perform an action with that data.  The way a computer worked prior to AI, was pretty fixed.  A programmer set the code and that was how the computer functioned. But with todays AI technology, computers learn. They alter their programming based on more information and analyzing prior results.

If we relate this to mindset, well a fixed mindset would be yesterday’s computers.  Data in, processed in the same way, getting the same results.

So how does the mind process information? In very simple terms, as data enters through our senses, it is received and relayed through a series of networks made of neurons, prompting you to store that information, act on it, or have emotions around it. A simple 1-minute explanation compares this network to R2D2 from Brainfacts.org.

Back to mindset. One could say that a fixed mindset processes the stimuli received from our senses exactly the same way every time.  A growth mindset learns from experiences and trials and allows the network of brain neurons to constantly change.

Everyone, in my opinion, has a growth mindset. And we all go through stages of growth at different times.

Growth at Any Age

My latest growth spurt began in 2014, at the age of 50, when I started taking yoga classes. At the time I was a successful fashion executive, working in NYC and from what everyone could see from the outside, living a fabulous life!

But that was far from the truth.

I was living in what I call now, a scarcity mindset. Although I was earning a better-than-average living, I lived life through the eyes of it not lasting. As if at any moment it could all be taken away. I held on to money so tight that it would slip through my hands, and I had no idea how not to stop it.

Yoga did not change this thought process, my mindset. What yoga did, was help me relax, to engage the parasympathetic nervous system.

I’ve since learned that the more we can engage in rest and digest, the more aware we are of our conscious and subconscious thoughts. And when we are more aware of our thoughts, observing them instead of being them, we can then start to change the way we think. Change our mindset. Yoga helped me to relax so I could observe my own thoughts. Mindset was changing the way I processed those thoughts.

Two years later, Mark and I bought the Yoga studio we had been attending. This growth spurt of becoming more of who I really wanted to be was in full swing. I was observing, but I still had that scarcity mindset. That at any moment, the bottom would fall out.

Acknowleging My Current Mindset

Then in 2016, I went on a Yoga retreat with Yoga Bohemia (if you are ever on LBI in NJ, check out one of their 3 locations, or better yet, go on a Yoga retreat with the owner! It is truly life-changing.) and I found myself rushing to lunch and dinner, fearful there wouldn’t be enough, and I’d be hungry.

If you’ve never been on a Yoga retreat or any retreat for that matter, you form bonds with the other attendees, different than a Yoga class. On a retreat, you immerse yourself with these people and you start sharing your darkest secrets.

I found myself at one meal sharing my fear of the food running out. Instead of laughing, they helped me dig deeper, to discover it wasn’t just food, but it was everything about life! I feared being poor. I feared being alone. Even what people thought of me. And it all came from scarcity. That there wasn’t enough in the world for everyone and what if I lost everything I had?

After that retreat, I began noticing how this scarcity mindset was keeping me locked in a career I never loved. Locked in volunteering for organizations I no longer connected with.

I finally changed my mindset, the way I processed information, and made a decision to stop living in scarcity. Less than a year later, I manifested my way out of corporate life and decided to become the person I truly wanted to be.

That’s when the darkness set in.

When we start talking about mindset and personal development, many think of it as trying to be happy all the time. I soon learned that’s not the case at all.

Although we can train our brains to have more positive emotions, find gratitude and look at the glass half full rather than half empty, a true growth mindset sees the darkness and then learns from it.

As I immersed myself in helping run our Yoga studio and switched my volunteer activities from sorority to becoming the founder of a non-profit to help bring yoga to underserved populations, I found myself actually more confused and many times disheartened.

Changing Your Mindset is Not Without Pain

The Yoga industry, from the outside, looks filled with love and light. It’s not.

For many, it’s a business.

Sell more packages. Sell more shirts. More workshops. One of my first yoga teachers has been posting about this recently on Instagram and asking the question, are you a Yoga customer, which would make Yoga a commodity, or a Yoga student? Interesting perspective.

When I look back, the confusion I felt stemmed from an inner conflict between my desire to simply help others and my desire to make money.

And as an operator, not the owner of a brand this conflict was even more painful. The brand was focused on expansion and sales, and on the customer, not the student.

Our desire to help our students always won out for Mark and me. We made many decisions during that time that weren’t the best for our bottom line, but they were best for our students.

After five years of being Yoga studio owners, we were forced to close our doors. We still wanted to help people in other ways, but we had over $125,000 in personal debt from the studio, having signed personal guarantees, and had to abide by our non-compete agreement. We decide to expand our coaching business and help people in their health and happiness. Who could have foreseen this would be considered a competing business?

A year and a half later, and 6 months after our non-compete ended, the wolves came knocking. The lesson is not over. We are still learning,  and at a very high cost, financially and emotionally. There must be light beyond the darkness.

And I wouldn’t change a thing.

Growth Can Be Hard

It is not always pleasant.

Growth can have you questioning and doubting your beliefs.

What I’ve learned from this experience is that it is in these times, when we question our own decisions, we question our beliefs, and our purpose, that we actually truly change our mindset. We change the way we think and process information. We grow and we learn.

If I had still been in my scarcity mindset, I would have done anything to reduce my financial risk. I would have continued operating a business that I was not aligned with.

But with a change in the way my brain processes information, I no longer fear financial loss. I know I will survive anything the universe throws at me and that there are many ways I can make a living.

The decisions I make now align with my values, yet they aren’t made wearing rose-colored glasses.

A growth mindset doesn’t ignore the negativity that disrupts our lives, but it also does not dwell in it.

It acknowledges the pain and learns from it.

A growth mindset decides that the future holds opportunity, even if it is currently shadowed by the current darkness.

A growth mindset takes responsibility that our choices brought us where we are today. The good and the bad. And it is our choices and our actions today that will move us to a better tomorrow.

Pause

The next time you find yourself struggling in your current circumstances, pause for a moment and notice your mindset.

Not your emotions. Not whether you are feeling positive or negative.

Instead, notice the thought patterns happening. Are they in a repetitive pattern? That’s your fixed mindset.

Can you explore other possibilities? Change the pattern of your neuro connectors.

What can you learn? What changes can you make?

At the end of the day, we control our lives, we control our thoughts. We control our mindset.

And even though we can change our mindset, sometimes we must walk through the darkness before finding love and light.

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