The Science of Manifesting

So, how did I arrive at the idea of manifesting as a science experiment? Well, today I received my weekly email from Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, one of my favorite books. In it, he shared a quote that resonated with me deeply: “Beliefs are theories. Actions are experiments. Emotions are feedback. Life is a science and its objective is growth.” This quote reframed how I think about life—an ongoing process of discovery, where the objective is not to get everything right but to test, learn, and adjust.

Manifesting works the same way. It’s about taking consistent steps toward our goals, refining as we go, and allowing feedback from our emotions to guide us. By thinking of life as a science experiment, we gain clarity on how manifesting truly works—and how we can use it to create a life we love.

Beliefs: The Foundation for Manifestation

Everything starts with our beliefs, which are essentially decisions we make based on our perspectives. However, as Manson points out, beliefs are not set in stone; they are theories we hold at a given time. Even the strongest of beliefs can be tested, refined, or even replaced as we gather new experiences.

Think of it this way: when we make a decision—whether it’s about a career change, a new relationship, or even how we perceive ourselves—we are putting that belief to the test. Some decisions will align with what we want, while others may lead to outcomes we hadn’t anticipated.

But here’s the key: decisions are not final answers. Instead, they are hypotheses, just like in a scientific experiment. When you decide on something, you’re essentially saying, I think this will bring me closer to what I want, and then you move forward to test that theory. Many of us hesitate to make decisions out of fear of making the wrong one. However, every decision, whether successful or not, is an opportunity to learn and grow.

Actions: Testing Our Theories

Once you’ve made a decision, the next step is to take action. This is where the real experimentation begins. Every action you take is a test, a way to see how your decision plays out in the real world.

For instance, if you decide to start a new project or take up a long-desired hobby, that decision alone isn’t enough to manifest your desired outcome. You need to follow it with action. Manifesting isn’t about sitting and hoping for things to change; it’s about taking steps to bring that change into reality. Even small, incremental actions, like attending a workshop or setting aside time for your goal, are crucial. James Clear’s Atomic Habits emphasizes how small, consistent actions can lead to significant outcomes, and it’s a perfect reminder that manifesting requires momentum.

Through these actions, you are testing your decisions. Some actions will feel aligned, bringing you closer to your goal, while others might not feel right. That’s part of the experiment! The key is to take those missteps in stride, viewing them as valuable feedback rather than failures.

Emotions: The Ultimate Feedback Loop

So, how do we know if we’re on the right path? That’s where emotions come in. In this scientific approach to life, emotions act as feedback systems, signaling whether our actions are leading us toward or away from our desired outcome.

Positive emotions—such as joy, excitement, and peace—are signs that you’re on track. These emotions confirm that your actions align with your true desires and that your decisions are working in your favor.

On the other hand, negative emotions are not bad; they are simply feedback, telling you that something might be off. Whether it’s stress, frustration, or disappointment, these emotions highlight areas that need reevaluation. For example, if you’ve taken on a new job and feel constantly drained, that’s your emotions signaling a need for reassessment. Maybe it’s the job itself, the work culture, or even the commute that’s causing this reaction.

Instead of avoiding or fearing negative emotions, use them as signals to pause and reflect. Ask yourself, Why am I feeling this way? and What adjustments can I make? This emotional feedback is crucial to the process of creating a life that feels authentic and fulfilling.

Growth: The Objective of Life

At the heart of manifesting is growth. It’s about continuously moving toward a life that aligns more closely with who we are and what we want. The process isn’t linear—there will be setbacks, challenges, and moments of doubt—but that’s all part of the experiment.

When you experience positive emotions, celebrate them as confirmation that you’re moving in the right direction. When you encounter negative emotions, embrace them as learning opportunities. They provide the insight necessary for making adjustments and course corrections along the way.

Remember, you are the scientist of your own life, and growth is the ultimate objective. Each belief, each action, and each emotion provides valuable data, guiding you toward a more fulfilling existence.

The Simple Formula for Creating a Life You Love

Ultimately, manifesting a life you love boils down to this simple formula:

1. Decide – Make decisions based on what you believe will bring you happiness and fulfillment. Don’t worry about getting it “right.” There is no single correct answer, only decisions that either bring you closer to your desires or steer you away. Every decision is an opportunity to learn.
2. Take Action – Once you’ve made a decision, take action. Even small steps are necessary to test how that decision plays out. This is where you begin to see if your beliefs are aligned with your reality. No action means no feedback, so movement is key.
3. Listen to Your Emotions – As you take action, notice how you feel. Positive emotions tell you that you’re moving in the right direction. Negative emotions signal areas that need adjustment. Both are essential for guiding your path.

Manifesting a life you love isn’t about achieving perfection; it’s about engaging in a continuous process of growth. By testing your beliefs, taking action, and listening to your emotions, you refine your path and get closer to living the life of your dreams.

In the end, life is a science experiment, and its objective is growth. To create the life you love, all you need to do is decide, act, and listen to your emotions.

by Kathi Szabo

The post What is the Science of Manifesting? appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

With the same results each time: Lose a little bit of weight on the diet. Get tired of the diet because it’s impossible to maintain for whatever reason. Go back to “normal food” and slowly gain back the weight lost, plus a little bit to add more motivation next year.

It doesn’t really add motivation though, does it? It’s more like adjusting to the new normal and seeing how long it takes before new clothing becomes mandatory because the old clothes are too tight now.

And that’s the whole cycle. Get tired of being too heavy, go on a diet, lose a bit of weight, gain it all back, and try again next year. So many people experience this that there’s even a term for it.

Yo-yo dieting.

So-named because that’s what happens to the weight. It bobs up and down, slowly but steadily climbing a bit higher over the course of the year, until we decide to do something about it, then it drops, and begins to climb all over again.

I suppose we could also have called it “itsy-bitsy spider dieting,” as the spider seems as persistent as that yo-yo.

Regardless of what we call it though, living through it feels demoralizing.

Year after year, sometimes more than once per year, we put ourselves through this. Consistently trying to get onto the other side of the scale, where the numbers go down and stay down.

But they don’t. We watch the mirror in horror as our face swells to the point that we no longer see any family resemblance. We are now the generic “fat person” background character in someone else’s movie.

Why is getting healthy so hard? Why do we have to struggle like this?

Some people can’t take it any longer and resort to drastic medical measures, like having their stomachs stapled so they physically can’t eat as much food. And sometimes that doesn’t work either!

Can you imagine undergoing surgery in an effort to lose weight, and still have it fail?

Now the medical community is even armed with shots to help lose weight. These products are brand-new. Has there been a long-term study on their effects on the body? Will we be watching TV in 2036 and seeing ads for, “If you used MiracleDrug and are now experiencing symptoms of disintegrating liver [or some long list of other possible horrible ailments] YOU MAY BE ENTITLED TO COMPENSATION!” Time will tell.

Why does getting healthy have to be so darned hard?

What if it wasn’t? What if all you needed to do to become the healthy version of yourself is eat and move a bit?

That sounds like fantasy, doesn’t it? Yet for millions of people, it’s reality.

No, there’s no accompanying magic pill to take that makes all of your consumed calories disappear. Likewise, there’s no special food, instant meals, or shake packages. You can literally eat the foods you enjoy, move your body in whatever way you can, and watch the scale go in reverse.

Yes, you do need to move your body. Does that mean hours upon hours of standing-in-place cardio sessions? Nope.

I was skeptical too when I came across this method.

I thought the only way to lose weight and get into shape was to spend a lifetime at the gym, drinking kale smoothies, and eating bland, flavorless “health” food.

Yet I made pork tacos with Spanish Rice for dinner last night, and every Friday night is Pizza Night.

I’m also a chocoholic. I eat chocolate every single day, and I typically end each day with ice cream.

Yet I dropped from 240 down to 168 eating just like this.

Mind you, I didn’t stay at 168 for more than a month or so. People started telling me I was looking “too thin,” so I tweaked my plan a bit and popped up to 183, where I’ve been holding steady since 2020.

So, what do you need to do to make this work for yourself? To answer that, I created a whole year-long immersion program.

During that program, I go over the nine core competencies that everyone must master to live a full and healthy life. None of them are hard, but it’s likely that you’re not doing all nine in the right way at the moment.

I know I sure wasn’t! That’s why, even though I was working out like a madman at the gym, I wasn’t seeing the results I wanted on the scale, or on my body for that matter.

After making these small tweaks, though, everything changed. It really does feel like magic! It took me several decades to pack on all that weight, but once I really got into it, that fat just melted right off in months.

While learning the nine core competencies, I also help my clients to incorporate them into their lives, so that they really start living them and embodying them. After that, I celebrate with them each month as the scale begins to drop, they buy a new outfit in a smaller size, their clothes start to fit how they want them to fit, and they start to admire their own reflection again.

Will it work for you?

Let’s find out! Schedule a call with me to discuss your situation, and if you think it makes sense for us to work together, we will 😊 If not, no worries. I want to work with clients who want my help. Is that you? Click the link below:

Visit: https://www.eclecticwellbeing.com/Mark1-2-1

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A number of years ago I stopped making New Year’s Resolutions or even Intentions. I simply decided to choose a word and apply that to my life for the year. Choosing the word is done somewhat randomly each year. In 2020, I was at a NY meditation practice and the word Zest was spoken.  I had been thinking about that word as it’s also one of the 24 VIA Character Strengths and one that I did not use often enough. I decided that word showing up was a sign for it to be my word for the year. Imagine, focusing on Zest in my life in 2020. The Universe gave me a challenge and I obliged.

Trust the Universe

In 2021, Mark and I were in the midst of bankruptcy and legal issues regarding the closing of our Yoga studio. I wanted it all to be over and just move on, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen. I had to trust the process. Lawsuits and bankruptcy take time, and patience was needed.

We had also just launched Eclectic Well-Being and were venturing into the unknown of not just owning our coaching business but creating it together. We had owned the Yoga studio together, but being a franchise, we were more like operators. Eclectic Well-Being was our creation. We were doing it together! I had to trust that we could do this and more: work together, play together, create together, make a living together and keep our marriage strong. Trust was the obvious word for 2021.

Learning to Surrender

A few months before New Year’s 2022, I made a decision to move to Michigan and open a small retreat center. A place that guests could come to relax, as well as be coached or practice Yoga or meditation or forest bathing. When I first told Mark of this decision, he was not interested. I loved him, but I knew in my heart I needed to create this space. I put it out there and kept talking about it, trusting he would come around. And finally, during a mindset retreat in Costa Rica, he did! Trust was working.

Then we announced our move to Michigan to our kids, and my daughter, was not happy to say the least. It felt as if I would break her heart leaving her home in New Jersey. I started having second thoughts. Unsure if my decision was the right one.

As I was working on my vision board, the word Surrender jumped off the page of a magazine and I somehow, I just knew, that was my word!

It showed up time and time again.

Looking at properties up and down the east coast, but always something just not quite right, surrendering that one will come along. Finding the right one on a gut feeling, in Michigan, just when I was about to give up! Selling our house soon after finding Eclectic Sanctuary. My daughter coming around and seeing the beauty and synchronicity in the property now called Eclectic Sanctuary.

Surrendering when we were dragged back into legal issues I had no control over.

Surrender even showed up at our annual Mindset Retreat!

The word was everywhere! What a year! But I am finally able to let go of the things I cannot change and Surrender that the Universe always has my back.

Signs are Everywhere

In December I started thinking about what word would be my word for this new year. A year once again filled with changes. Living in Michigan. Getting Eclectic Sanctuary up and running. Navigating life without my New Jersey Tribe, but reconnecting with friends and family back in the Midwest.

I haven’t been reading much and one evening decided to find a book I could read at my leisure. No self-help book, but something inspiring. Opening up an unpacked box of books, Becoming by Michelle Obama was on top. Hana, my daughter recommended it years ago. I bought it and it sat on my bookshelf until being packed for the move to Michigan. Why not? It seemed to be calling to me.

In the preface, Michelle talks about her aspirations and how they have changed throughout her life. How we ask children, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” and expect an answer to this pointless question “As if growing up is finite,” Michelles states. “As if at some point you become something and that’s the end.”

These words connected with me. Afterall, I’ve been reinventing myself my entire life. I am always becoming.

Then, a day or two later, I began researching quotes about failure for my digital 7 Day MindShift Course and found this one from Fredrick Lenz.

“There is no such thing as completion. These are only stages in an endless progression. There are no final outcomes or decisions, since nothing ever stays the same.”

We are always Becoming.

I knew then that no matter how unoriginal it seems to use Michelle Obama’s book title, my word for 2023 had to be Becoming.

This year, and every year, I am Becoming. I have never grown up. I continue to become who I am meant to be.

My life has no destination other than death, and I am no hurry to get there.

Rather my life is a journey of endless progression. An endless process of Becoming.

This year I am becoming an owner of Eclectic Sanctuary. I am becoming an herb farmer. I will become a caretaker for a flock of chickens in the spring. Mark is becoming a ________ ­­­­­(it’s still a secret, but hopefully soon we can share!).

I am becoming stronger. Becoming more patient. I’m becoming calmer. And becoming more compassionate.

I am becoming more of who I am meant to be!

Who are you Becoming this year?

What word will guide you in 2023?

Discover more about Eclectic Well-Being and Eclectic Sanctuary by following us on Social Media and signing up for our monthly newsletter.

Watch as I continue to Become.

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Every year I choose a word to help me make some lasting changes in my life. In 2020 the word was Zest. Zest is one of 24 Character Strengths. Defined as approaching life feeling activated and enthusiastic. Imagine that has my focus for 2020! (you have to admit the Universe knew what it was doing) It was one of my lesser strengths on my VIA Character Strength Profile. I wanted this strength to become one of my more used strengths so I intentionally made it my word for the year. And guess what? It actually moved up the scale.

Last year my word was Trust. We had filed bankruptcy on our business rather than stay connected to a franchise we no longer felt aligned with. Eclectic Well-Being was created and trusting things would all work out was at the core of moving forward. I had to trust in myself. Trust in Mark. And Trust in the process.

Trust also allowed me to let go of trying to fix things for others, particularly those closest to me. If I loved them and believed in them, I had to trust them instead of fixing them. It has changed the way I look at so many things.

This year my word is Surrender, which is similar to trust, but it’s more than trusting. It’s adding on giving up control. It’s trusting, but instead of worrying, thinking about it, or constantly taking action upon action, (my favorite way to maintain trust) it’s letting go and truly believing that whatever happens, it is part of a divine plan.

What is Surrender?

Dictionary.com defines surrender as “to yield (something) to the possession or power of another; deliver up possession of on demand or under duress.” It also defines it as, “to give (oneself) up to some influence, course, emotion, etc.”

My definition is a bit of both. I see surrender as yielding control to the Universe, but not under duress, I am giving my control willing.

It’s been tough for me embodying this word, surrender. Yielding control is not easy for me. Surrender is so much more than trust. I must admit, I have not been embracing the word as much as I could be.

My Futile Attempts to Surrender

Last month we journeyed to Cabo San Lucas for a Business Retreat. It was part of the coaching program we belong to and it’s been 3 years since we were together in person for this event. I must admit, I wasn’t excited. I had so much to do. Properties to see. Did I really need to be gone for 5 days?

But we went. I intentionally booked later morning flights as I am getting to old to get up in the middle of the night to catch a 6 a.m. flight. But that later flight meant we had a tighter connection. And low and behold, our flight was late. A good 30 minutes behind departure and with less than an hour layover, I surrendered to the fact we were not going to make our connection. But letting go of control? Nope. There I was on my phone, seeing when the next flight from DFW to Cabo departed. Taking action, again, instead of simply surrendering.

There was a later flight, about 4 hours later, but at least we would still get there the same day. Ok, now I could surrender.

However, the Universe was not only able to get us to DFW on time, and with no difficulty, at all, we actually made our original connection. Wow! How did that happen?

I didn’t make it happen. I had no control over the situation. Yet, our trip progressed exactly as it was meant to and my action in figuring out when the next flight we could possible take was futile.

12 steps

So here we are in Cabo, and I’m starting to actually enjoy and feel excited and engaged in the setting, the people, and the discussions. I’m learning and noticing what we could utilize in growing our business. And then, a topic never presented before comes up, the 12-step program.

Wait, I’m at a business retreat, not an addiction recovery retreat. How does this relate to my business?

Intrigued with this subject, I listen inently. I know about the 12 steps, but I have no idea what the 12 steps are except, don’t they revolve around surrendering? We’re given an exercise  to identify our greatest accomplishment and the things we’re most grateful for. Then work backward, identifying all the things that had to happen in order for that to happen. Notice then, how much of that was not in our control.

I work the process, the exercise. I utilized a couple of different things and all came back to a situation or event that I had no control over. And if I take that back even further, I get to me being born, which again, I had no control over.

But What About Free Will

I leave the session feeling a bit confused and also I admit, defeated. If I have no control, and that the Universe (God if you prefer), is fully in control, what is my purpose? Don’t I have “free-will?” Don’t the choices I make do anything?

I was filled with questions. A part of me felt really good. Letting go of control means you also let go of failures. Accepting that was is happening is exactly what is supposed to be happening.

Yet, if I’m here for a reason, I have a purpose to serve, then don’t I have some control? Oh how my mind was moving in numerous directions.

Now you may be wondering why the 12-step program was even brought up at a business retreat. Well 12 steps are about addiction and the way we think, and our thought patterns can also be an addiction. We can be addicted to worry. To overthinking. To negative self-talk.  That made complete sense to me and I was intrigued as to how to apply this new learning to Eclectic and all my dreams for a sanctuary.

However, I was struggling with this idea as well. The conflict in my mind of Surrendering and Free Will.

Getting to the Root of It

The next day we started like usual with David, the leader of the retreat, taking questions from the floor. I raised my hand. Not even sure what my question was, but I knew I needed more discussion on the previous day’s topic, surrender.  I don’t raise my had often and many times by the time I do, David has already determined who to call on. But this time, my hand was up and just like that, I was asking David for his opinion or thoughts on if the Universe is in control and I if need to just surrender, where is my free-will? How can both be true? What about all the talk of making powerful decisions – David’s Key Phrase.

When you ask David a question, he does not just answer it. He asks questions right back at you, allowing you to process and eventually answer the question yourself. It’s what coaches do and what I try to do for my clients. I knew that was going to be the scenario, but it’s difficult to ask yourself the right questions. That’s why even though Mark and I are coaches, we also have a coach.

I don’t remember what he asked me, but we went back and forth for quite a while. We talked about how Mark surrenders more easily. What am I addicted to, which it wasn’t until this discussion that I realized it’s control. I shared that surrender is my word for this year and how this seemed so serendipitous. But I wasn’t quite understanding still, even with all this discussion.

And then it hit me.

Like a rock. I’m not sure if he said something or it just clicked in my brain. But I realized I had recently learned to surrender in my relationships. Trusting others to make the right decisions, yet, still being there for them. Still supporting them and taking action. But I surrender to the outcome, knowing I don’t have control of their lives. I am no longer tied to the outcome, but I am still invested in their well-being.

This is what is missing in my business. I still need that control. I need to feel that if I do something different, something more, I can get the outcome I want. In reality, I simply need to decide what it is I want to accomplish, what I want to do, and DO IT. Doing is still critical, as nothing will happen without action. Then after taking the action, I must let go of controlling the outcome. I must surrender. Trust first, but then completely let go of that control. Surrender to the fact that a higher power will either show me this is the right path, or guess what, maybe there is another.

Letting go of control does not mean not taking action. Not moving toward our desires. It’s the acceptance that once we make a decision, once we take action, we surrender that the outcome is out of our hands. We accept whatever comes from the decisions we make and we learn from it, or redirect ourselves to another path. But no matter the outcome, there are no failures. And we are not in control.

Still Processing

I’m still processing all of this as it’s difficult to surrender control. To let go of the belief that I have all the power.

Whether it’s business, relationships, or our own emotions, surrendering to a power greater than ourselves, actually releases us from the thought that we fail or we succeed. We don’t do either. We keep moving forward, working in unison with the energy around us, with the greater plan that we are only a small part of.

But what we bring to the greater plan is something only we can bring. Only we can do. We are all here for a reason. We all have a role in the greater plan.

I’m focused even more so now on surrendering. Releasing the idea that I have control. Accepting that I am a significant part of a greater plan, but that I do not control that plan.

If you are addicted to control like me, try doing the exercise I mentioned above. Notice how it all comes back to events where you were not in control.

And if you want to practice surrender, come  play with me this month! Sign up for Explore Laugh Play! A 30 Day Challenge to let go of stress which includes letting go of control and surrendering each day!

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Last week Mark wrote about our quest to find the perfect spot for our Eclectic Sanctuary and perhaps grow some culinary herbs. We thought we found the spot, but after further insight, further introspection, we realized those 3 massive barns were not it. No matter how much we wanted it to be, the house just didn’t work for our lifestyle.

We almost put in an offer.

We almost got so wrapped up in the new “shiny object” that we forgot what is most important.

See the barns were amazing. The whole property was amazing! The idea of US owning them and making it into this herb farm where folks could come get fresh herbs and maybe even take a cooking class was drawing us in.

There was plenty of space for farming. The barns could be repurposed for drying out herbs. We had space to construct some greenhouses. The kitchen was most certainly large enough to host a class.

Square Peg – Round Hole

So, what was most important, where living in this home would have been much like trying to get a square peg in a round hole?

Ultimately it was the importance of entertaining friends and family.

Mark and I do not host big parties or have gatherings every week. But when we do have friends and family over, we like to hang out in an area that is comforting, brings nature inside, and where we can cook and still be part of the conversation.

On Thanksgiving, we ultimately enjoy preparing dinner together while also partaking in all the conversations with family because our kitchen is open to a space where everyone gathers.

No matter how hard we tried to make this house meet our desires and become our home, allowing us to enjoy living in it, it just didn’t fit.

And we tried.  I sketched out numerous plans and ideas, but there was just no way to connect the beautiful entertaining room to the kitchen and no way to have a bright airy bedroom and not take away from public space.

So here we are, back to step one.

We could have saved much time and energy had we had more clarity on what is most important to us.

See, we set out with an idea. A rough framework. We gave a guide to our realtor. It was pretty specific, but it didn’t express what was most important.

One must be perfectly clear about what brings them joy if they are to find joy.

Mark and I were looking at all the opportunities that had come into mind since starting this journey: Farm Stay, Herbs, Chickens, and being close to the Delaware River towns.

When we started this quest, it was all about having a few guestrooms and then space to host Wellness Retreats.  I intentionally wasn’t clear about specifics because I thought there could be numerous ways to make this work.

But ultimately, my goal was and is to be financially self-sustainable and also live a life I love. Every single day!

I realize now these two things are what is truly important to me. My true desire is not having a small retreat center. My true desire is to create a life I love where I am financially self-sustainable.

So when this opportunity of a farm came into view, and it had a pool where I could host Aqua Yoga classes, it seemed we found IT! We found the property where we could manifest our dreams.

What I wasn’t clear about, was my personal life needs and desires. How I want to live when not working.

So last week after our second trip up there, I started drawing new plans. Researching other possibilities. But nothing worked. I was ready to just make an offer and figure it out later. There had to be a way, right? How could we let this opportunity pass us by?

And then it hit me.

Listen to Your Heart

I sat quietly and listened to my heart. I listened to my desires of how I wanted to wake up in the morning with the sun shining in through my windows.

How I want to continue to have family over for Thanksgiving and be able to congregate in a shared space of nature and food as well as be accessible to everyone in my family, something that would not be the case in this house.

How I wanted to relax in the evening. Spending time noticing the sun set while maybe turning on the TV for a show or two.

And my heart was sad.

No matter how we remodeled or changed the flow of the house, it was not conducive to our way of living.

And it was not really helping me get to being financially self-sustainable.

Making all these changes was going to be expensive. At least $100K to $200K. Using up a lot of funds that could be better purposed toward financial sustainability.

And my heart wouldn’t be happy?

And what about money to start the farm? Buy a tractor, seeds, a greenhouse?

I put away the sketches and plans for the house and sat down and wrote what was most important to me in living my life. Mark was out shooting pool, so I had plenty of time to think alone.

Integrating Our Desires

The next morning, I asked Mark to make a list of what is most important to him. How he sees us living our lives say 5 years from now.  I didn’t share my list at this point as I didn’t want to influence his desires.

His list was a bit different. But there was some overlap.

But the overlap is not our combined vision. It is the totality of both visions that is our combined vision.

I cannot ignore Mark’s desire for land just as he can’t ignore my desire for still wanting to teach at FIT. That would be sacrificing our own individual desires and would probably leave one of us feeling a bit unsatisfied.

Our list is longer now. It may be harder to find that perfect property.

BUT MAYBE NOT.

See now we have an easy way to say yes or no. We go to our list. How many boxes does it check off? We now have complete clarity of what we are looking for. Will there be adjustments and compromises? Sure. But knowing what is most important, makes the decision-making process much simpler.

Today we are headed out again to look at some areas and properties: 2 open houses and a few drive-bys. We will see what the universe decides to show us now that we have clarity on what’s most important.

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This week something finally clicked in me.  I haven’t been able to make sense of why some people never achieve their dreams. Even with all my mindset training, I still found this lingering doubt if the tools I teach and use, actually work.  If it’s as simple as having clarity, knowing your strengths, and making a powerful decision, shouldn’t more of us be living our dreams?

Well yes and no.

I believe now more than ever that what I teach, what I use in my coaching program really does work.

Because when we don’t achieve our so-called dreams, when we don’t wake up with our desires, it’s because we want the outcome but we don’t want the journey to get there. So yes we more of us could be living our dreams, but many don’t because we are focused on the ego.

Let’s take me for example as a pre-teen.

Going to be a Rock Star

I so wanted to play the guitar. To be in a rock band. Be like Nancy Wilson of Heart!  Have my rock band, sing, and make music!

Heck, in middle school I got our music teacher to let us (I can’t remember who us was – but it was more than just me) “practice” during lunch in the music room!  My memory does not recall who was there with me, but I was going to play bass guitar because I had already tried to learn lead guitar and couldn’t cut it.

Wait, I shouldn’t say I couldn’t cut it, I should say I didn’t choose to cut it.

I didn’t choose to cut my fingernails so they wouldn’t interfere with the frets.

And I didn’t’ choose to practice on a regular basis.

I thought the bass guitar would be easier and the bass guitar could be pretty cool.

But even bass guitar required some dedication. Dedication I didn’t have.

Nope, I wanted to pick up the guitar and be a rock star!  No rehearsing. No learning. Just pick up a guitar and play!

Yep, that was a dream that didn’t come true. And I get it now. I didn’t love or desire the journey to get there!

I didn’t love the idea of practicing daily. The journey I would need to take to become a really good guitar player.

Needless to say, I still dream about playing the guitar around a campfire.  But again, I want to pick it up and play, without the lessons, without the practicing.

Dreams that require work that we don’t want to do, are dreams that will never come true.

Fantasy or Dream?

So how do we tell the difference between Fantasy and Dreams or Desires?

It’s simple. Our desires come from the heart.  They come from a place of love.

Fantasy’s come from a place of ego. A place of coolness, of comparing ourselves to others.

We want that DREAM Home with a 3 car garage, a fireplace, a wrap-around porch, and a Viking Kitchen Stove and Fridge with French Doors, even though we only own one car, we only use the fireplace for the holidays, and we never sit on the porch and the only thing we cook is in the microwave unless again, it’s the holidays.

Is that Dream Home our heart’s desire, or is it our ego that we need to have what is expected we should have?

We want that promotion at work with the dreamy corner office and the prestige of the new title, but we don’t want to work the long hours and play corporate politics to get there.

Too many times we mix up fantasies and dreams. And then when we don’t get it, and others, we don’t understand. What makes them better? Why did they get the corner office? Well, maybe it’s because it was their heart’s desire. Maybe they love the work. Love corporate politics. There is nothing wrong with either of these fantasies being someone’s actual dream.  Just realize, that it may not be yours.

If dreams come from the heart, the journey to get there will also come from the heart, meaning we will love the journey as much as the dream itself.

Choose the Journey  – Not the Destination

There is a Hindu text called the Bhagavad Ghita with writings about the path of self-actualization. It is studied by many during Yoga Teacher Training. There is one phrase from the book that has always captured my interest but now makes so much more sense.

“Set thy heart upon the work, but never on its reward.”

Fall in love with the journey to your dreams, not the dream itself.

Be unattached to the outcome but be content and driven by the journey itself.

Our life is a journey, not a dream. Living our Dream Life is Loving the Journey.

When our desires come from the heart, we love the journey of getting there because, in reality, life is the journey of constantly reaching for our desires.

If we love life, we live in flow. If we live in flow we love the journey, not the destination.

Life is actually not about achieving anything.

Life is about living. Living is working toward our desires.

And when one desire is meant, we move toward the next, enjoying the new road before us.

It is not the destination that will bring us happiness. It is the journey.

The journey of consciously creating a life we love.

The journey of consciously creating ourselves, over and over. As many times as we like.

And loving the journey!

The post Dreams Only Come True When You Love the Journey appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

I’ve spent the last 9 months visualizing the life I want to create. The work I want to do. Where I want to do it.

I had it all laid out in my head. Buy a farm in Michigan and create our Eclectic Well-Being Sanctuary. Complete with guest rooms for hosting retreats, space to practice yoga, a wooded area for forest bathing, and a kitchen big enough for Mark to cook and teach others how he creates such tasty yet good for you meals!

You may be reading this and wondering, “Why Michigan?”

I grew up outside Chicago. Michigan was where I spent many summers.  It’s a nature lover’s paradise. The shoreline of Lake Michigan has the most beautiful dunes. The interior countryside has rolling hills with orchards, wineries, and u-pick farms. And the summers are perfect in my opinion, warm enough to lay in the sun on the sand, but cool enough to have a bonfire at night. Plus I would only be a few hours away by car from my mom instead of a few hours away by plane.  Yes, I was ready to move to a place I feel is home.

Making Plans

Once I had this clarity it felt incredible!  But when I shared it with Mark, he was not as receptive as I had hoped.

It took several months and carefully planned out conversations (the most persuasive being held on a mindset retreat no less), before he understood my vision. How it connected to my purpose and how it was possible.  Then, on October 16 last year, he relented and agreed, but only if we did it thoughtfully, not on a whim.

I began making connections on Facebook with like-minded business in Michigan, as well as real estate agents.  Luckily I found one who also owned a yoga studio, which helped her understand my vision.

We researched the best localities, distance to Chicago, and access to Lake Michigan and other places of interest.  We narrowed our search to a fairly large,  but doable, area. I gave her my wishes: minimum of 5 acres, an older home, preferably 2 stories, and with a barn!  A place on-site or nearby for forest bathing. And space for a garden. A pool for aqua yoga would be icing on the cake!

In January we began seriously searching. I made reservations for Mark and me to visit for a weekend and check out some properties as well as get a better feel for the area.

On the weekend we were scheduled to visit, winter storm Kenan hit the East Coast. Our flights were canceled. I flew out a day late as I was also taking my mom home, but there was not enough time to make it to Michigan due to commitments here in New Jersey on Tuesday.

A New Perspective

Taking Mom home opened my eyes.

Upon landing in Chicago one could see the snow for miles. It looked pretty and afterall, it was January.

We drove home where my sister-in-law greeted us.  She  talked about the snow and who was doing their shoveling and how they just got a few more inches on top of what was already there and more was expected.

I had forgotten that in the Midwest, snow rarely melts until spring’s arrival.  Snow accumulates, adding more on top of more.  I begain to recall my childhood winters and the endless snow.

I had to admit, I have grown used to New Jersey, and before that North Carolina, and before that Southern Illinois. Places that get snow, but where it melts in a day or two.  It comes again, but in between, it warms up, before the temps drop again and snow is back.

But in the Michigan, that is not the case.

When I arrived back in New Jersey, I wondered if I really wanted to move. I actually like New Jersey, but I love Michigan. My vision all of a sudden was not clear.

Not a week later, on February 6, a childhood friend posted a video of her dog playing ON the lake at her summer home in Michigan. The lake is completely iced over. Reading through the comments I noticed someone ask, “how thick is that ice?” My friends answer, “about 5-6”. Ice fishing and occasional snowmobiles go by.”

That did it!  That made me realize the huge change I would be making.

Sure, summers would be perfect, but then there is winter. Months of cold. Snow that doesn’t thaw until spring. Nope. Nadda. Can’t do it.

So then why did my vision seem so clear? I had felt so much clarity in the decision that I was now changing.

Our Mind sees what we tell it to see.

David Bayer, our business and mindset coach,  states, “the brain is a goal-achieving machine.” This means that if we give it a goal, it will find a way to make it possible.  When I first started thinking of moving to Michigan, it was summer. I hadn’t seen my mom in 2 years. And I started to feel antsy. After all, I’ve been living in the same house for almost 20 years, longer than anywhere I have ever lived.

I had complete clarity on what I wanted; a sanctuary where people can visit for self-care, relaxatin and life-changing retreats.

So with this goal, and a childhood dream of living in Michigan, my mind began showing me the potential. And there is potential. I still love Michigan. I would still love to host retreats there in the spring, summer, and fall. Just not winter.

See our mind goes wherever we direct it. We make the decision, but the mind shows us all the possibilities. Michigan is a possibility. My mind showed me that Upstate New York also had potential.

Our awareness shows us ALL.

My awareness become focused on these two places and because of that focused awareness, I began noticing the difference in weather. The snow for months at a time. The endless freezing temperatures.  And I noticed that in New Jersey, our winters are calmer. That we get snow, but rarely does it last.

My mind was not telling me to move or not to move to Michigan. No, it was simply showing me, through my conscious awareness, what moving to Michigan would look like. Then it became my decision to continue on that journey, or take a pause.

I decided to take a pause. I decided to research more the potential of Eclectic Well-Being Sanctuary being right here in New Jersey.

And what did my brain show me? A home on 11 acres, very close to where I live now, with plenty of space for everything I want to do. My brain was activated to achieve my goal.

Unfortunately, by the time we called, the property was already under contract. But that’s ok. I now have primed my brain to show me more opportunities. Including the idea of maybe moving to Michigan for 3 seasons and traveling during winter. This idea unfolded after unexpectedly visiting a friend who is doing just that, except her Michigan, is the Poconos.

What now?

I don’t know where this vision will lead. I’m still very clear on what I want. I am clear on my purpose. It’s the how that still needs to come together.  But I know it will.

See, as long as we are clear on our goal. Clear on our vision, we don’t need to know the how. The how will present itself based on the vision we’ve created. Our brain, that goal-achieving machine, will continue to show all the possibilities. It is then in my hands to grab hold of the possibility that resonates most with me. To make the decision and take action.

Changing our minds, our action plan is not a bad thing. It’s allowing ourselves to continuously look at our desires and re-evaluate what is most important. To understand that life is a journey with no destination.

It is the journey that is life.

The post It’s Ok to Change Your Mind appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.