We probably think in terms like this because it’s been drilled into our heads that having an overabundance of body fat is a bad thing. They even gave us a handy little metric we can use to gauge how dangerous our body fat levels have become: The BMI scale.

BMI stands for Body Mass Index, and is the ratio of your weight in kilograms divided by your height in meters squared, giving you a number like 26.3. You then take that number and compare it to the provided scale, where:

     Underweight = <18.5
     “Normal” weight = 18.5 – 24.9
     Overweight = 25-29.9 and
     Obesity = 30+

And now you will see that at 183 and 5’10 with a BMI score of 26.3, I am overweight for my height, even though I’m sitting around 15% body fat, which is extremely healthy for a 52-year-old man. What gives?

That’s the problem with the BMI table. It only works for average people. For example, in High School I was the same height at 135 pounds. Most people would have called me “scrawny” (and they did back then), yet BMI-wise, that’s considered “normal weight.” BMI typically goes out the window for anyone with an athletic build.

So why do we even care about weight in the first place?

Who really cares if I weigh 135, 240, 168, or 183? Well, I should. The heavier I am, the more strain there is on my heart, and the more stress there is on my joints.

But, it works the other way, too. When we have too little body fat, we can’t properly regulate our hormone levels. It’s more challenging to maintain body temperature. Vitamins and minerals don’t absorb properly. When we’re under-fat, we might have lower energy levels and lower resistance to disease.

A healthy body fat range for men is between 10-22%, and for women 20-32%. That percentage can come at any body weight and height, though, so BMI isn’t really our best indicator of health.

Do you know what your body fat percentage is currently? Probably not. Most of us have bathroom scales to tell us what we weigh, but nothing to tell us what our body composition is.

Body composition, you’ve probably surmised, is how much of what tissues make up our overall total body mass. For example: total weight, body fat, muscle mass, bone mass, visceral fat, and water percentage. (Ok, water isn’t a tissue type, but it does account for a good chunk of overall weight.)

How do we get this information? There are a few different methods.

The absolute most accurate measure of body composition is an autopsy. This is also an incredibly invasive procedure as it requires that the patient already be post-mortem.

As for things we can use while we’re still alive, calipers can be used to pinch the skin to determine how much fat is present. You take samples from several different specific locations on the body, then run a little math equation to get your average.

Caliper testing is pretty accurate, but it can be challenging to pinch yourself in the right spots to get accurate readings. It helps to have a friend or coach do it for you.

Along the same lines as caliper pinch testing is circumference measurements, where you use a flexible tape measure to take readings from specific areas of the body. This tends to be less accurate as people with larger muscles also will have larger measurements.

There are more “automated” methods as well.

Hydrostatic weighing is also fairly accurate. Basically you fill a bathtub with water all the way to the rim, then get in and measure how much water your body displaced. (In other words, how much water dumped over the edge once you submerged yourself completely.)

There’s something called Bodpod which is essentially the same as hydrostatic weighing, except you’re doing it in a sealed air chamber. The technical name for this is “air displacement plethysmography,” and it’s also pretty accurate.

Systems also exist that will take a 3D scan of your body with dual energy x-ray absorptiometry. Here, low-level x-rays at different frequencies are passed through your body. The rays slow differently in response to the different tissues through which they pass, giving you a clear look at your body composition. The machine must be expertly calibrated for the best results.

My favorite method, and the one that I use, is bioelectric impedance. There are different types and some are more expensive than others. The highest degree of accuracy comes from segmental scales. These pass a low DC electrical signal through your feet and your hands at the same time. Like the x-rays, different tissues slow the electrical signal at different rates, giving you an overall picture of your personal composition.

I personally use the Tanita Ironman RD-901 InnerScan Pro for this. [Not a paid advertisement.] It’s a non-segmental version of the scale, so it’s not quite as accurate. But it’s half the cost, making it the winner in my book.

Body composition isn’t everything though.

At Eclectic Well-being, we like to look at what we call, “deep health.” We want our clients to thrive in all aspects of the human condition. We focus on the whole person and their whole life.

That means we’re looking at multiple aspects of their health. We focus on physical health, how our bodies feel, function, and perform. But we don’t stop there.

We also look at mental and cognitive health. How well we can think, learn, and remember. What is our client’s outlook and perspective on life and the world? How much capacity do we have for insight and conscious awareness? How creative and flexible are we in terms of problem solving?

There’s emotional health, comprising our general mood and our ability to feel and express our emotions. Are we experiencing more positive emotions than negative ones? Do we respond to emotional challenges in a productive, resilient way?

We focus on existential or “purposeful” health. What’s your “why?” Do we have a strong sense of intrinsic self-worth? Do we feel like we’re a part of a larger picture? What is our purpose in life?

Social health also comes to bear. How well do we connect and interact with others? Are we maintaining fulfilling, authentic relationships? Do we feel like we “belong” to something?

And finally we look at environmental health, or the feeling of being safe and secure, feeling supported, and having access to the resources we need to survive and thrive.

That is what “being healthy” means to us.

A deeply healthy person is a person who is leading a well-rounded life. Because once you have that under control, the body fat percentage takes care of itself.

Seriously. Being overweight is a symptom of another area of your life being out-of-whack. Once we get that addressed, everything else falls into place.

So, do you want to keep addressing the wrong problem and try yet another diet? Or do you want to finally get this figured out?

Here’s some great news! Right now, you can get started with the Reboot program we’re partnering with Cultivus Fitness to deliver. It starts on 9/30, so you’ve got time to prepare.

For more information, check out: https://www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=821172910195587&set=a.491199929859555

The post What Does “Getting Healthy” Even Mean? appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

Have you ever let some small thing totally derail your day? This used to happen to me all the time when I would “try” to eat healthy. Like, when ordering breakfast, I’d absent-mindedly have grabbed, paid for, then consumed an entire chocolate chip muffin with my morning coffee.

It’s not the muffin that’s bad, it’s what happens after eating it. Guilt. Shame. Beating yourself up for being a “bad eater.” And then the absolute worst thing happens: “Well, now this whole day is shot. I might as well eat all of the stuff I know I’m not allowed to eat.”

It isn’t the all-or-nothing mindset. It’s believing that we must be 100% perfect all the time, or it means we’re bad.

No. Don’t do that to yourself.

Instead, make a game out of it.

See how many “good” meals you can get in a row before eating something “bad.”

When I started, it was 2 meals. Mainly because I was eating those chocolate chip muffins for breakfast every day. For lunch and dinner I did pretty good.

Once I decided to start making breakfast healthier, my “good” streak stretched to 5. Now I was eating the muffins every other day. Progress!

Over time, that streak got longer and longer. Now, I’ve stopped keeping track, but it’s probably around 30 healthy meals in a row before I have an ice cream sundae, or a candy bar, or heck, maybe even a chocolate chip muffin.

Thinking along these lines is a much healthier mindset to have.

We are not one meal; nor are we one day. We are the culmination of all the foods we’ve eaten over the course of months.

With that in mind, what do you want to become?

Will you be made from fresh fruits and vegetables, lean cuts of meat, legumes, mushrooms, and other whole foods? Or will it be from whatever the ingredients are in the factory processed entrees waiting in the freezer?

I decided to live on the healthy side. How about you?

Bear in mind, it wasn’t an overnight shift. I was living on freezer goodies for years. Burritos, supreme pizzas, taquitos, chicken wings, were all lunch staples. If I ran out for lunch, it was a double quarter pounder with cheese, large fries and a chocolate shake. Or maybe a Mexican pizza, two tacos supreme, and a chicken burrito supreme, with a large Baja Blast Mountain Dew. Quite frequently it was also the Chinese Buffett.

Every time I tried to 180° my diet into health, I failed miserably.

I thought I was the problem. What else could it have been?

Turns out, it’s basic human psychology. Our brains don’t like too much change all at once.

“Don’t like,” is probably too soft a term here. It’s more like “everything is crazy! Which way is up? How do I get out of here?”

And that’s exactly what happens. The brain feels like it’s been thrown into chaos, and the subconscious mind takes over.

You can’t fight the subconscious mind.

The subconscious mind will always drive you to do the things you’ve told it you want to do. And in this case, the drive is back to “normality.”

At my most unhealthy state, I was eating all of the unhealthy things I mentioned above, while snacking on chips with sour cream-based dip, and washing it down with soda, beer, or coffee, depending on time of day.

And I had the bloodwork to show for it! I was still in my 30’s when my doctor put me on blood pressure and cholesterol meds.

My first wake-up call was when my cousin Marty passed away from a sudden heart attack at 42.

Then Mom’s reaction was, “oh, the 40-year curse got him.” To which I immediately retorted, “the 40-year what now?”

As it happened, the men on my mother’s side of the family had a history of dropping dead from sudden heart attacks in their early 40’s(!)

One of the other things these men all had in common?

Horrible eating habits. Just like me.

Now I was at a point where I knew I needed to change, because not changing was likely to kill me. I was already on meds. My triglycerides were off the charts. (Seriously, the chart ended at 500 and mine were in the 800’s!) My cholesterol numbers were upside-down. My arteries were probably already starting to harden and choke off.

But every time I tried to get healthy, I failed right back to where I started.

What I wound up doing, just happened to be the correct thing to do. I decided to start small.

I switched to black coffee, then I stopped drinking soda. That’s at least two meals every day where I wasn’t drinking empty calories.

Holy cow, did that make a difference!

I went from 240 down to 220 in what seemed to be an instant, but in reality was several months.

My face started to look more like a face again, instead of the generic roundness I had become accustomed to. My 38 pants that I had been debating about taking up to 40’s were now more comfortable to wear.

That little change alone went a long way, but it wasn’t enough to get me down under 220.

I tried to weightlift my way into health, thinking I would burn off all of the extra calories I didn’t need. In this, I became stronger; but the scale didn’t seem to want to budge.

I cut way back on those frozen entrees I had been eating for lunch and got into the 205 range.

It wasn’t until I got serious and studied the nutritional principles that I now coach that I was able to get properly lean.

None of it is hard! In fact, I like to tell my clients that I help them fail their way to success.

Would you like to have a conversation with me to see if I might be able to help you?

This link will let you look at my calendar to see if there’s any time where our schedules align. If there is, go ahead and book the Can I Help You Call 😊 I’ll take it from there.

https://www.eclecticwellbeing.com/Mark1-2-1

The post Game Your Way Into Health appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

If you are a regular reader of Eclectic Thoughts, you will recall I am writing about the 3 steps to Consciously Create a Life YOU Love!

Step one is understanding your Spiritual Vision, your WHY!  When we know and embody our purpose, and how we relate to the world, we create a solid foundation. We have no doubt. We know our reason for being and thus we take aligned action.

Step 2 is clarity. Without clarity, living our life is like driving through the fog. Things look like they may be what we want, but they’re distorted and unclear. What we want may be right in front of us, but we miss it in the low visibility because we don’t have clarity.  And then we wind up finding things we weren’t looking for, letting life happen and living a life that is not aligned with our values.

Most of us know exactly the life we don’t want, but we rarely take the time to completely visualize what it is that we do want. Creating a clear vision of the life we want to live, complete with details of everything, but without attachment, allows the mind to show us options that will bring us closer to our vision.

And with our vision and values, we then learn to make powerful decisions!

Yes, the third and final step is The Power of Decision!

If you’ve never read the book, The Power of Decision, by Raymond Charles Barker, get a copy! It is well worth the read.

“All of this is already in you. The great use it. The non-great do not, so they remain the non-great. Decide upon something, situation or condition that you want right now in your present life. Be definite in this decision. Do not limit your decision by investigating the probably reasons why it will never happen. That is the detour to nothing.” (Barker, page 34)

So many of us stop because we immediately start thinking of the how. We start to feel overwhelmed or inferior or stupid because we don’t the how. And when we start questioning the how, we find all the reasons why it will never happen.

And thus we decide it will never happen.

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” – Henry Ford

YOU DON’T NEED TO KNOW THE HOW!

I’m sure some of you are reading that and are thinking, “What? Of course I need to know the how? How else can I plan and make it happen?”

Let me take you back to the beginning. To one of the first goals every human being has as an infant. The desire to walk.

Babies have no idea how the body works. They don’t know how to press their feet into the floor and then lift one foot up and move it forward. The first thing they do is watch others. They have that vision of walking. And then they make the decision that they are going to do it. So they begin to replicate what they see others doing. Testing different moves. All along having made the decision to stand and walk. It’s only after they have made the decision that they begin to walk.

Nothing can be done. Nothing can be achieved, until a decision is made.

I could not write this blog until I decided to write this blog. Once I made the decision, I then started to figure out the how, what will I write about, what order, etc…

I cannot create a business until I know the business I want to create. The business plan does not get written until I know who my customer is and what need this business will provide them. Then in writing the business plan I figure out the how. And that how is revised over and over again. A new business does not start without having an understanding of its purpose and clarity on what it will achieve. Then a decision is made to create said business and we work on the business plan.

The Power of Decision in Consciously Creating a Life YOU Love is that you decide you are worthy of this life you desire. You DECIDE this is the life you were meant to live. You DECIDE to live that life and your mind, because the mind is a goal-achieving machine, will show you the how!

What stands in our way many times is our own limiting beliefs. Those beliefs that are so hard-wired in our brains, we may feel it’s impossible to change them.

BUT, it can be done.

Let me propose this thought; that these limiting beliefs are simply decisions we have made in the past, and to change them, all we need to do is make a new decision.

Beliefs and Decisions. Are they the same?

Do you believe that family is important? Or did you decide that family is important?

If you believe climate change is real, didn’t you just decide that it was real?

Beliefs are decisions that our mind accepts as pure fact. It is a neuro connection in the brain that is strong and is our default.

But when we have beliefs that limit us, like the ever popular, “I’m not good enough,” or put another way, “everyone is better than me,” we must change them into Powerful Decisions, or we will continue to let life happen rather than create a life we love.

How do we consciously formulate a new decision?

We use what David Bayer calls the Decision Matrix. This practice helps us change change our thought patterns. We use neurosculpting and we change our neuro connections or how the brain thinks.

This process is a practice I teach in my Total MindShift Group and One-to-One program.  It does not happen overnight.  As I said, it is a practice.  One that takes time.

But it starts with that first Powerful Decision, deciding to live the life you desire. Consciously making this decision. Deciding you will not settle for anything less. Surrendering yourself to this decision, knowing the how will present itself in time. Trusting you live in a friendly universe. You must simply make the decision, do the work to let go of limiting beliefs, and be ever vigilant in consciously observing and noticing when the how presents itself.

I said simply because it is simple.  It is only difficult when we let the negative thoughts, those limiting beliefs into our mind. When we focus our attention on them instead of our powerful decision.

So there it is, the 3 Simple Steps to Consciously Creating a Life YOU Love:

1. Understanding your why, your purpose.
2. Having complete clarity on the life you want to live. Visualizing it completely yet not being tied to when or how.
3. Mindfully making a powerful decision that you shall have this life, opening your mind’s eye to presenting the how later. Letting go of the limiting beliefs that may hold you back.

In each step we are consciously creating, consciously deciding, Consciously Living.

“Watch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.” ― Frank Outlaw

It all starts with our decision of what thoughts we will think.

“What the mind can conceive, man can achieve.” Raymond Charles Barker

The post Step 3 to Consciously Creating a Life You Love appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

By Mark Szabo

What would you say if I told you that you are responsible for everything that happens in your life? If you’re anything like I was, you might balk at that concept. But lately I’ve come to realize that this is 100% true.

I used to earnestly believe that life was purely random. There was no plan. No one had a purpose. Life happened to me. I had very little control. And you know what? When you live your life like there’s no plan, you become subject to other people’s plans.

And that’s basically what my life was. I had a decent job, but I wasn’t in control of my destiny. The company I worked for restructured, so I got laid off. I quickly found another job doing the same thing for someone else, he grew the client base to where the company was attractive for a larger company to purchase, they kept the clients and used their own team for management and let the rest of us go. I again found another job doing the same thing, that company grew too large too fast, the owners spent more time partying than running the business, so it imploded.

Don’t get sucked into a Drama Triangle

Nothing changed until I decided that I was in control. There was a plan. I do have a purpose. I create my own life. Anything that happens in my life, happens because I brought it to be.

Getting to that point has been a journey of self-discovery. Meditation and Yoga taught me to explore the Self, and I’ve been doing so ever since. I’ve developed a mindfulness practice that I’ve come to cherish. Another thing I like to do is to read books that expand my understanding. I’ve just finished Radical Responsibility, by Fleet Maull, PHD. (I’m presuming he’s no relation to Darth.) It definitely expanded my understanding.

My biggest takeaway from the book is using mindfulness to avoid getting trapped in a Drama Triangle, as defined by Stephen Karpman. Draw an equilateral triangle (that’s the one where all three side lengths and all three angles are equal all around, a perfect triangle) with one long side at the top and the two other sides coming to a point at the bottom. Then at the top-left corner label, “Persecutor”. At the top-right label, “Rescuer”. At the bottom point label, “Victim”. There you have Karpman’s Drama Triangle.

When any of us are stuck in a Drama Triangle, we can assume any of those roles (Persecutor, Rescuer, or Victim) and we often rotate through them. For example, when one parent berates their child, that parent would be the Persecutor, and the child would be the Victim. Then when the other parent scolds the first about denigrating their child, the second parent would be the Rescuer. But then the child might yell at Parent Two to not yell at Parent One, because the child thinks that Parent One only yells at the child because Parent Two is always yelling at Parent One. Then the child moves to the Rescuer position with relation to Parent One, and the Persecutor position with relation to Parent Two. As their drama unfolds, each of them continues shifting positions within the Drama Triangle.

Our Fight-Flight-or-Freeze System finds other ways to be “useful.”

You can have a Drama Triangle with as few as two people. (Although, if you’re anything like me, you likely have arguments with yourself in your head all the time.) Every time you’ve been in an argument, it’s likely that you were stuck in a Drama Triangle. Being stuck in a Drama Triangle keeps us from moving forward.

Have you ever noticed the emotions that come up when you’re in an argument? In the grand scheme of things, whatever it is you’re arguing about probably isn’t life-or-death, but it feels like it is. Do you know what I mean? That happens because our fight-flight-or-freeze system doesn’t get used as often as it used to, so it finds other ways to be “useful.”

Basically, our fight-flight-or-freeze system is an evolutionary adaptation that was particularly useful when we faced mortal danger on a fairly regular basis. I.e., when humanity was largely living as tribes of hunter-gatherers and there was always the threat of being eaten by a wild animal. The fight-flight-or-freeze system kept our ancestors alive. Over the eons though, things have gotten pretty easy. At least, they have for the vast majority of us who are fortunate enough to live in the developed world. Most of us are not concerned about a potential tiger hiding in the bushes.

That fight-flight-or-freeze system is why you feel such strong emotions when you get sucked into a Drama Triangle. The problem then becomes, once the fight-flight-or-freeze system is activated, we become disconnected from our ability for deep, rational thought. If you’ve ever blurted something out in an argument that you would never otherwise say out loud, this is why. Of course you didn’t mean to say that. You might not even really believe the thing you said. But, the part of the brain that becomes activated is the part that wants to fight, and to win a fight you must inflict more damage than your opponent. Unfortunately for us, verbal fighting usually devolves into insult-hurling, which leads to regret (and possibly strong consequences, depending upon with whom the argument took place) in the aftermath.

The solution? Avoid getting sucked into a Drama Triangle in the first place, and once you realize that you’re in one, get out as soon as possible.

Switch the Drama Triangle into an Empowerment Triangle

Avoiding the Drama Triangle in the first place is where mindfulness comes into play. Learn to recognize the feelings that arise when you become “triggered” by something that would ordinarily lead to a Drama Triangle. Acknowledge those feelings, breathe deeply for several cycles, maybe count slowly to 10 in your head. That pause between the trigger and your response is critical. It allows your calm, rational mind to remain in control. It helps to keep the fight response at bay.

Recognizing when you’re in one might come in a little flash of clarity when your rational mind snaps into place momentarily and you ask yourself, “what am I doing?” Or, “why am I doing this?” Should you find yourself in such a situation, listen to that voice, and stop the argument. You might want to have an escape phrase planned out so you don’t need to think about what to say. Maybe something along the lines of, “Wait. Stop. I don’t want to argue. I know I’m going to say something I don’t mean. Give me a moment.” If it helps to leave the room, then leave the room at that point. Collect yourself. Let your higher cognitive function return to your control, then have a rational discussion.

Radical Responsibility goes into much greater detail on how to have that rational discussion in a manner that benefits all parties by switching the Drama Triangle into an Empowerment Triangle with the roles of Co-creative Mind, Challenger, and Coach. If you’re interested in learning more, I highly recommend reading the book. You’ll thank yourself later ☺

The post Who’s Responsible? appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

By Mark Szabo

What is certainty anyway?

We can think of certainty as being the things in our lives that we can rely and depend on to be there for us. Maybe it’s your mother’s love; or your favorite mug. There are a lot of things we may count on that qualify as certainty. We wrap emotions around certainty. We build attachments to our certainties that can cause us to have an emotional reaction when those certainties are taken from us.

Certainty is grounding. We need to have some certainty in our lives. Certainty brings us a sense of security. With a roof over our heads, and our warm, comfy beds, we sleep easier. Too much certainty, though, can start to become overbearing. This is where we can get into obsessive behavior, trying to control every little thing we can to maximize the amount of certainty in our lives.

One of Tony Robbins’ 6 Basic Human Needs is also certainty. Tony explains that everything we do, we do to fill one of these six needs. These needs come in pairs, and the partner to certainty is uncertainty.

Uncertainty would be things that surprise or excite us; experiences that are out of the realm of our normal daily life experience. We need some amount of uncertainty in our lives too. Uncertainty gives us a sense of adventure. Seeing new things, going new places, doing new activities, riding amusement park rides, an impromptu swing on an otherwise empty swing set in the middle of winter, are all great examples of uncertainty.

As adults, we frequently find ourselves stuck in patterns we developed in childhood.

Without uncertainty, there would be no fun. Yet some people live this way. Clinging to their certainties so hard that they are unable to allow any uncertainty into their lives. They live their daily lives going to work, coming home, eating in front of the tv, then going to bed. Then on the weekends they sit around the house, watching more tv, maybe mowing the lawn or working around the house. They never really go out though. When they do reluctantly go out to a backyard barbeque or other social function, they find somewhere to sit, and then they sit there, awkwardly, hoping no one comes over to talk to them.

Perhaps you know such a person? Perhaps you’ve been such a person? I know I was. I used to tell myself that, “I’m just an introvert. I don’t like social situations. I can’t talk to people. I sure as hell can’t speak in front of people.” But it turns out, that was total bullshit.

I was a nerd growing up. I was also that weird kid in elementary school with the oddball medical condition. I would get bloody noses, constantly. There were some days I would have them multiple times a day. To me, it was just something I had to deal with. I never really thought about what the other kids must have thought. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I found out someone had started a rumor that I stuck pencils up my nose to make it bleed. I suppose in the absence of another explanation this would make sense to kids still aged in their single digits.

I decided that being bullied was just part of the life of being a dork.

As you might imagine, I got picked on and bullied quite often. In fact, I came to expect it, and on some level even welcomed it. When people keep telling you how much of a dork you are, you start to identify with being a dork. “Yeah, it’s ok, dump my trapper keeper out of my arm and all over the hallway. Awesome, just kick my papers in every direction. Totally cool. Keep it coming. I’m a dork, this is how I should be treated.”

Of course, the real issue was I had no confidence. I never stood up for myself. I just allowed all of it to happen. I understand that now, but back then, my solution was to start putting up walls. “The fewer people I interact with, the less my odds of getting bullied.”

And that’s what I did. I started closing myself off from people. Never wanting to go anywhere. Never wanting to do anything. I started working out. I had one thought, “If I were bigger, nobody would mess with me. People don’t mess with the Big Guy.”

Bigger, I did get. I put on some decent muscle, but along with it came a LOT of fat. I understand now that I wasn’t clear with my decision, so my subconscious gave me what it thought I wanted. I had decided that I was going to be big, but that decision didn’t include anything about being healthy. As human beings, we are all powerful creators. When we truly set our minds to a goal, and decide that we WILL accomplish the goal, there’s nothing that can stop us.

When we make a decision about something, we prime our subconscious to act on that decision.

That process, though, is indiscriminate. The subconscious mind doesn’t care about the outcome. The subconscious mind does not think logically like our conscious mind does. When we make a decision about something, we prime our subconscious to act on that decision. From that point on, when it sees a situation that will produce a result in alignment with that decision, it places us into that situation. Whether that situation helps or harms us is irrelevant to the subconscious. It simply acts based on the decisions we’ve made.

When I was a child, I decided I was a dork. I decided that being bullied was just part of the life of being a dork. And so, I constantly found myself in situations where I could get bullied some more. Now, before you start commenting on how bullying is wrong and no child should ever have to endure what I endured; I’m not arguing against that point. I’m saying that I believe that on a subconscious level, I brought it upon myself. I wanted self-confidence back then, so my subconscious put me into every situation it found where I could stand up for myself. It just took me an awfully long time to learn the lesson.

Coaching helped me uncover my old patterns and work through them.

My childhood pattern caused me to cling to the certainties in my life, and shy away from uncertainties. I would go to Great Adventure, but never ride the roller coasters. I actually LOVE roller coasters, but I didn’t discover that until I started easing up on certainties and embracing the uncertainties. I used to be terrified of public speaking. I didn’t even like talking in small 5-6 person groups. Now I love it. Don’t get me wrong, I still get a bit nervous before “showtime,” but once I’m delivering my message, I’m exhilarated.

As adults, we frequently find ourselves stuck in patterns we developed in childhood. Those patterns served a purpose at one point, but more often than not, they tend to hold us back as adults. For example, I could never be a business owner if I were still terrified of having conversations. Coaching helped me uncover my old patterns and work through them, which is why Kathi and I are coaches today. We help people remove the mental roadblocks that are preventing them from getting everything they want out of life, helping them to consciously create the life they truly desire.

What about the rest of the six human needs, I hear you ask? Keep reading in the coming weeks ☺ In the meantime, make sure the decisions you make are leading you in the direction you want, and don’t fear adding some more uncertainty.

The post Are you certain? appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

If you follow me or Eclectic Well-Being, you know I believe that working out the mind is just as important as working out the body.  Yet many will schedule time to go to the gym, take a yoga or Pilates class, go for a run, but we don’t make time to work out our mind.  Why is that?

And why do we feel the need to keep it a secret if we seek therapy for our mental health, but we think nothing of letting people know we are in physical therapy? What’s up with that?

The Stigma of Mental Health

May is Mental Health Awareness Month and it was started in 1949, 72 years ago.  That’s a long time ago! One would think in 72 years mental health issues would no longer have any negative stigma and people would have a regular workout for their mind and ask for help whenever they needed.

But they don’t, and the stigma is still there.

One study found that 56% of respondents said they’d be uncomfortable talking to friends and family about their own mental health, and 84% say they’d be uncomfortable talking to their employer.

Why are we so ashamed to discuss the health of our mind?

One in five adults in the United States live with a mental illness.  In 2018 that was 47.6 million.  I’m sure with the pandemic that number has grown.  Yet so many of us still refuse to get help or take preventative action because of the stigma society continues to put on it.

But what is Mental Health anyway?

Is it being happy all the time? No,it’s not.  Happiness is state of being in the moment and it’s impossible to be purely happy 100% of the time.

Mental Health, in my opinion, is taking care of our mind, our thoughts, and our emotions so that we can live productive and engaging lives.

Physical Health is taking care of our bodies so that we can live longer and continue to do the things we enjoy doing. Mental Health should be no different.  And like our physical health, we can take preventative actions as well as seek help when problems arise.

Let’s first talk about preventative actions. 

Meditation

Meditation is a workout for the mind. It helps to create and reinforce positive neural pathways, keeping our thoughts healthy.

What are neural pathways?

These are connections from one part of the brain to another.  They send signals that then create thoughts and emotions.  These become grooves in our brain that help us process what we are experiencing.

In many ways, these are very good things.  For example, it allows us to remember how to ride a bike even if we haven’t been on one in years.  How to open a door.  How to tie our shoes.

But they can also reinforce negative thoughts. Such as an experience of a first husband staying out late and then find out he was having an affair, leading to believing the same about husband number 2 when he stays out late. We assume it’s the same thing, even though we have no evidence other than they are late, and our connection to that part of the brain, that memory.  This is one I suffered with at the beginning of my marriage to Mark.

Meditation keeps us in the present moment, aware but unattached.  This practice is self-directed neuroplasticity, changing our neural pathways.  Meditation creates space to see things as they really are.  To explore other possibilities and not jump to conclusions.

There are many forms of meditation and I promise you EVERYONE can meditate.  There is no right or wrong way.  Just like everyone can exercise, everyone can find some activity they enjoy and gives them a physical workout, there are also many ways one can meditate.  If you are interested in learning more about Meditation as a Workout for the Mind, checkout our Mind Training 101.

Gratitude

Practicing Gratitude has significant mental health benefits.  Studies have shown that when we acknowledge and are thankful for the positive things in our lives, we experience lower levels of stress and depression. We look at life through the lens of a glass half full rather than half empty.

These benefits aren’t just in the moment. They tend to last and improve our levels of happiness over time.  When we express gratitude, we also are more comfortable expressing concerns, allowing us to problem solve rather than hold in our frustrations, allowing them to build up.

So how can you increase your practice of gratitude?  Start and end each day with a moment of gratitude.  If that’s too much, jump start your gratitude habit by publicly showing gratitude on social media or writing a letter of gratitude to someone you are thankful for having in your life.  I jump start my gratitude every November in preparation for Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday, simply because there are no gifts, just family, food and gratitude.

Play

Yes, play can be a preventative mental health activity.   Play activates our creative brain. This helps us to imagine, to create new possibilities.

When we let our guard down, and simply spend time having fun for no reason, it helps stimulate new areas of the brain.  Areas that may be dormant when we are working or in serious thought.  Play actually helps us develop new cognitive skills that make us better problem solvers.  And in today’s world this is critical as we navigate the uncertainty of climate, the economy, disease and more.  (interested in Playing this summer?  Check out our Explore 😎 Laugh 😎 Play program.  It’s completely Free and a great way to reinforce a Growth Mindset!)

Support

We can do all of the above and more to ensure a healthy mind, but even with preventative steps we can find ourselves in need of support.  This is nothing to be ashamed of. Mental health issues are not the result of personal weakness.  Mental health issues, just like physical health issues, can happen to anyone. And when they do, nothing should stop us from seeking treatment.

Depression

Depression seems to be the most common mental health issue facing our society. We all feel depressed at one time in our lives or another.  For many, this feeling of hopelessness passes.  But for others it is a constant thought pattern with no surrender.  Those who suffer from depression have a persistent feeling of emptiness, loneliness, and despair.  These feelings linger on, even at times when on the outside the person may seem ok.

Depression can be brought on by life events such as Postpartum Depression and Seasonal Affective Disorder. Others we may not understand what brought it on.  But whatever the cause, when symptoms persist, we must ask for help.  If suicidal thoughts are present, help is crucial to find immediately.

Depression, just like many physical issues we are diagnosed with, can be treated with medication as well as therapy and sometimes both.  When we are diagnosed with a physical issue, we don’t think twice of going to doctor, getting some medication and perhaps a script for physical therapy.  Yet so many refuse, because of the stigma society has given mental health issues, to go for mental health therapy.

What can you do to promote Mental Healthiness?

We must change this stigma.  We must continue to educate and promote mental health care, just as we do for our physical health.

1. Take care of your mental health. Meditate. Practice gratitude. Make time for Play.
2. Seek help if you need it. Be empowered to seek help, don’t feel shame. If you would tell a friend you went to the doctor for digestive tract issues, why wouldn’t you share you went to the doctor for a mental health issue? You are taking care of yourself and there is no shame in that.
3. Educate yourself and know the facts
4. Choose your words carefully – never make light of someone who is suffering or seeking help
5. Offer support to those you see suffering

To learn more about mental health, please visit these websites. If we all take a stand, perhaps our children will no longer live with the stigma of caring for their Minds.

https://www.nami.org/Get-Involved/Awareness-Events/Mental-Health-Awareness-Month

https://www.mhanational.org/mental-health-month

https://www.mentalhealth.gov/

The post Why is there a Stigma Regarding Mental Health? appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

When I was looking for pictures to use in promoting my upcoming Mind Training 101 Series, I used the search words meditation and mindfulness, after all, Mind Training uses many forms of meditation and mindfulness.  Scrolling through Canva, all I could find were IG yogis, sitting upright in a cross-legged seat, in a beautiful setting either outdoors or with candles and with their hands in some sort of mudra.  Are these really the only images of meditation?  Is this what everyone thinks meditation must be?

I hope not, because that is not my meditation practice.

When Mark and I first got married, he started meditating to lessen his overwhelm with a ready-made family with two middle school age children. What prompted him to try meditation? Not sure. I just noticed one day him sitting on the couch with his eyes closed, a How to Meditate book at his side. Could meditation actually be practiced by simply sitting quietly in a chair?  I recall picking up the book and looking through it, but at the time I wasn’t interested.  Mark though continued his practice for a number of months, could be he never stopped, and I simply failed to notice.

I thought that was my first introduction to meditation, little did I know I actually practiced meditation as a child.  I was raised Catholic and learned to pray the rosary at an early age.  Praying the rosary is simply another form of meditation, a mantra meditation, but Catholics didn’t call it that.  They called it praying, saying the rosary.

Fast forward to 2014 when Mark and I began our yoga practice.  I didn’t really think of the beginning and end of class as meditation, but I now know that centering at the start of class and then lying still in savasana at the end, are simple quick meditations.  I started to like this, looking forward to every class just for those moments of solitude.

Soon after starting yoga, I took a restorative yoga class, and well that was pure bliss.  Lying in stillness, supported by props, and allowing myself to relax.  Again, sitting in stillness, just being aware of my body and surroundings, restorative yoga is another form of meditation.

And then… an instructor introduced me to Yoga Nidra and I was completely hooked!  Again, Yoga Nidra is just another form of meditation.  One with less work for the brain, and more relaxing in awareness.

But even in a yoga studio, my meditation never looked like this.

Or even this

This picture was actually far down in the search. And although it’s a bit more realistic, it’s still gives the impression that to meditate you must sit upright in a cross-legged position with your hands in some sort of gesture.  This can be intimidating for someone who is simply looking for meditation in order to slow down, reduce anxiety and calm their own nervous system.

Now I’m not saying there is anything wrong with sitting this way for meditation. Occasionally you may even find me using a mudra. (the hand gestures used by many when meditating – the one in the second picture is very commonly used during meditation and is called Jnana Mudra and is the gesture of consciousness) However, if I am completely honest, it is usually when I am trying to be “zen” or when I’m leading a practice at a yoga studio.

Please, don’t misunderstand me. There is nothing wrong with mudras or sitting upright in a cross-legged position.  I actually find the study of mudras very interesting, and I believe has benefits.  If it seems as if I’m making fun, I’m not. I simply believe it is not necessary and it concerns me that all these pictures can be turning many away who don’t see themselves as a yogi.  And all those people then are missing out on the benefits of meditation.

Mindfulness and meditation are proven tools to help in self-directed neuroplasticity, changing our thought patterns.  They can reduce stress, decrease depression, slow age-related cognitive decline, lower blood pressure and a host of other positive effects on the physical, emotional and mental health of humans.

Everyone knows and understands the benefits of exercise.  Most of us consciously try to ensure we get enough. Doctors prescribe it for our health. Heck many of us have a Fitband, Apple Watch or some other instrument to measure our daily activity.  But how many of us track our meditation? How many doctors prescribe or even recommend meditation?

Meditation is an umbrella term for many awareness techniques, just like exercise is an umbrella term for a host of fitness programs.  Yet our society still sees meditation as this yoga thing.  One that you must sit still, fully upright and with candles and soft music playing in the background.  But it doesn’t have to be that way.  Meditation can be walking alone, listening to all the sounds around you. Feeling each step on the soles of your feet.  Meditation can be eating a square of chocolate after mindfully using all our other senses to examine it, smell it and finally taste it.  Meditation can be lying on our back and noticing how our breath gently moves the body rhythmically. Meditation can be a call and response Kirtan session with others.

Meditation is many times lumped in with yoga, but you don’t need to join a yoga studio or practice asana (the physical aspect of yoga) to utilize meditation to improve your mindset, your mental health and your physical health.  You simply need to be aware. To be Mindful.

A few great resources if you are interested in mediation as a way to improve your mental and emotional health include:

• The Book Aware: The Science and Practice of Presence by Daniel J Siegel MD
• FitMind: Meditation Science and Training (a meditation app)
• Altered Traits by Daniel Goleman & Richard J. Davidson
• The Science of Well-Being through Cousera.com

And of course, there is Eclectic Well-Being’s upcoming Mind Training 101, a 4 week series. This is a Mind Training class that uses the ancient practice of meditation to give your mind a workout and help improve your levels of well-being.

If you aren’t meditating because you think you can’t, or you don’t see  yourself in any of the pictures that Google shows you as meditation, I challenge you to give it a try.  Download the FitMind App, read one of the books above, or just take my series!  Your mind deserves to have a workout routine just like your body, maybe more so.

The post Not My Meditation Practice appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.

Do you ever find yourself thinking the same things day after day? Different situations, but similar thoughts. Perhaps thinking of something that makes you anxious. Like the first time you attend an event with new friends or a new group. Or before a job interview. Or maybe it’s when you have to speak in a large group setting.

Do you have the same voice in your head saying things like; “OMG, what if I say something stupid.” Or “What if no one likes me?” Or “I can’t do this as good as she can.”

Admit it. We all have thoughts like this. Or at least I have. When I first became a yoga instructor, I didn’t think I could ever teach as well as other instructors. In fact, I actually told one of our instructors, who wanted to take my class, that he couldn’t! Yep, a yoga teacher, told another yoga teacher, “NO! You can’t take my class!” I had a thought pattern in my brain that kept repeating the same thought, “I’m not good enough. The other instructors are more flexible. They know more than I do. I can’t do all the poses they can.”

That thought pattern persisted until that day when I told John he couldn’t take my class. I saw the surprise in his face. The look of shock that I would be so unwilling to let him practice in my class. I realized something had to change. If another instructor wanted to take my class, why was I so against it? Why did I have these negative thought patterns every time I taught?

ANTS

Cognitive Behavioral Therapists have a name for this. They call it ANTs, Automatic Negative Thoughts. Out of all our thoughts we have each day (some studies say it’s upward of 60,000), 90% of these are negative! This is perfectly normal, but not necessarily helpful. When they warn us of something harmful, these negative thoughts can be helpful. Our imagination is powerful and by imagining potential problems, we can create solutions.

But… many ANTs are repetitive because we’ve made them a habit. We repeat these same ANTs day after day after day. That was me. I created a “habit” of telling myself I was not a good enough yoga teacher. This is how neural pathways are created; we tell ourselves the same things over and over. This wears a groove into our brain which then becomes a habit.

Sure, other experienced instructors used better cues, and created better sequences, but I had the ability to relate to less experienced students. My class had some regulars that came specifically to take my class. But because at the start of my teaching, I kept telling myself I wasn’t as good as these other teachers, I wore a rut in my brain that became such a habit I told a fellow instructor he couldn’t take my class. This thought pattern was not working for my greater good.

HOW TO CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS

Now that we understand that we all have these negative thought patterns, that don’t serve us, what can we do? How do we change them?

With Neuroplasticity!

Neuroplasticity is being able to change the wiring of our brain. We change negative thoughts to more positive, EMPOWERING thoughts. Scientists once believed this was nearly impossible after you reached a certain age. But, although it may be difficult, those habits have worn some deep ruts in your brain, it is definitely possible! Anyone can deliberately change their thought patterns. It simply takes some practice and dedication.

There are 4 simple steps to change ANTs into APTs (Automatic Positive Thoughts)!

1. Identify the ANT you want to eliminate. The one that is holding you back, not providing for your greatest potential. For me it was “I’m not a good enough yoga teacher.” Write it down!
2. Create a new Positive Thought to replace the ANT. For me it became “I am an awesome yoga instructor in my own unique way! I may not be able to do handstands, but I can make the practice accessible, enjoyable and have the students feeling whole.” Write it down!
3. Find evidence that supports this new thought – this new decision! It can be things that have actually happened to us, like the students who came to my class each week religiously, or we can use our imagination to visualize the evidence! Our mind doesn’t recognize our imaginative thoughts from our real experiences. Don’t believe me? Google “Harvard study pianists’ thoughts.” You will find many articles on one study, that shows how the same areas of the brains of pianists light up whether they were playing the piano or imagining playing the piano! Write down all the evidence you can find!
4. Tomorrow, add evidence or re-write previous evidence. Do this every day until the new positive thought becomes automatic! Make this your daily habit. Your daily practice.

WAYS TO USE THIS TECHNIQUE

Changing our negative thoughts isn’t hard, but it does take time and requires patience. We can use this technique for just about anything.

Maybe you have negative thoughts about never having enough time. Those thoughts make you feel overwhelmed and then you spend more time repeating that same thought, “I don’t have enough time,” that you waste time in suffering!

Or maybe you need to lose 10 or 20 pounds after a year of staying home, I know I could lose a few after 2020! But you think you don’t have the willpower to do it. Or maybe you think it’s too hard. Not worth the energy. Even though you know you would have more energy and be physically healthier if you simply got back to pre-covid weight.

Why are you letting those ANTs stop you? Create some new APT’s, Empowering Thoughts:

“I have just enough time to get done what must get done, and what doesn’t get done was meant for tomorrow.”

“I am going to get back to my pre-covid weight so that I can live a long healthy life with plenty of energy!”

And then make it a practice!

Looking for more ways to create more powerful thought patterns? Join the 7 Day MindShift, a 7 week email program to help you shift your thoughts so that they empower you! It’s Free. Sign up here.

The post Getting Rid of ANTs – Not the insect, but those Pesky Ruts in your Brain. appeared first on Eclectic Well-Being.