by Kathi Szabo
There was a time in my life I couldn’t let things go.
When something was wrong, I had to fix it. At all costs.
In an argument, I didn’t stop until I won or they walked away.
If I was angry, that anger lasted. A. Very. Long. Time.
I’m not sure why I could never let things go. Forgiving was almost impossible.
But today. I’m happy to say, I’ve found peace in accepting. In realizing that my opinions, my beliefs, no matter how valid, are mine. And others have theirs.
It’s taken some conscious work and it didn’t happen overnight. In fact, I still go back to my past ways occasionally, but they don’t last nearly as long.
During this week between Christmas and New Year’s, we naturally go into reflection. Whether you are at work or home taking time off, the days are slower. Perhaps they are filled with family or friends you haven’t seen in a while. Or maybe this year you’re staying closer to home, isolating again. Wherever you are, let it go.
Let go of what hurts.
Those past grievances. The heartbreak from the past. The disappointment you’ve experienced. We all have been hurt by those we love. Those we’ve trusted. People we thought of as friends can break our spirit. But hanging onto that hurt only hurts ourselves. Whether they hurt us intentionally or unintentionally, let it go. Forgiveness can be difficult. But not forgiving hardens our own hearts.
When you hold onto feelings of betrayal and disgust, that negativity transcends into other parts of your life. You may find that anger coming up with those who had nothing to do with the hurt you are feeling. But the hurtfulness likes company so many times we in turn hurt others. We may want to take revenge on those who have hurt us. But when we do that, we are operating from our primal state, aren’t we? We are fighting for survival, yet our lives are not in danger. And we know operating from a primal state only benefits us when we are in mortal danger. Emotional hurts are best dealt with in a powerful state. Consciously choosing to let go. To acknowledge and release those feelings rather than allowing them to permeate into the depths of our soul.
Let go of “Fixing.”
This may be the hardest thing to do when it’s those we love, especially when it happens to be our children.
When our kids are young, we fix their scrapes and bruises. We help fix their physical body. But we Never can fix their emotional scars. No matter how hard we try. No matter what we do. We can’t fix that. It may make us feel better and make our son or daughter seem better for a short while, but their emotional wounds are theirs to heal. All we can do is be there for them. To love them unconditionally.
Shortly after I wrote the words above, I was tested once again with wanting to make it all alright. Christmas Eve and things were not alright. Yet I realized there was nothing I could do except say “I love you. I am here for you. I am not going anywhere.” I couldn’t make another’s hurt stop, but I could love them. I could be there.
Perhaps the next time you want to do something to make someone else stop hurting, STOP and just love them. Ask them what you can do to help. It’s hard to hear the words “Nothing, you can’t do anything.” But that is their truth. Listen and just be there. Letting go of your own need to fix.
Let go of perfection or wanting to be liked.
No one is perfect. Not everyone will like us. And even those that like us may not like every single thing about us. And guess what? That’s Ok.
I thought I let this one go a while back, but I realized that although I’m accepting of others. I’m accepting of my house not being cleaned just so or presents not being wrapped with the prettiest of bows, I didn’t quite accept that others may be irritated by some of my acceptance, my lack of detail. I was yet to accept that not everyone sees the world through my lens of life, my filter of my experiences.
Nope. Just because I like my healthier version of chicken divan these days, doesn’t mean my kids, who grew up eating the Campbell’s Cream of Chicken Soup version, would think it to be just as delicious. Or that when I’m called out for my lack of wrapping skills, or my lack of expertise in hand-washing dishes, it’s ok. It’s not being mean or loving me any less. Heck, it’s the truth about me. Why should I be offended? Let it go.
Letting go is surrendering.
It’s having hope and faith. It’s believing that we are perfectly imperfect and so is everyone else.
Letting go is a conscious practice. It is one where we are mindful of our feelings, our current state of being, and then we let it go like a sigh out the mouth.
In these last days of 2021 and as we approach a new year, let go of whatever is holding you back. Anything that is not helping you live your best life. Helping you Be your best Self!
Practice letting go, by surrendering to be who you are while accepting others just as they are.
Surrender to Being. Look at nature for inspiration and understanding. The flower, the tree, the bird, all let it go. They surrender to what the day brings. They do not worry about tomorrow.
And they do not sulk about yesterday. They are ever-present in the moment. It is how we are when we are truly living. When we are being, not just doing and achieving.
I like to choose a word for the year. A word that will inspire me.
Since I noticed I still have work to do on letting go, I’ve chosen Surrender for my word for 2022.
Surrender to being who I am. Surrender to whatever the universe brings to me. I will surrender to whatever happens, letting go of attachment and expectations.
Will you join me in Letting Go? Will you join in learning to Just Be?
In the words of Elsa,
“It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me can’t get to me at all
It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through”